Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Well as a short woman I've never had those types of propositions, I'm always being asked to be mens 'Sub' though...

TwistedWonder I chatted to one of those but wrong area. He said that he liked that I was short & then asked if I'd wear heels. I replied 'Not on a walking date, I don't find them comfortable' He replied that he didn't mean on the date but 'After'. Ugh.

I don't think it's a height thing.

I've had hinge since last summer and have the grand total of 3 matches in that time. That's in London, filtered only for age (30s) and distance.

A few years ago I was on hinge and it was great. Now it's a desert

@MyCatisCalledDream " I'm also seeing a therapist to "do the work" on myself."

Oooh, fascinating! Ok, do you mind if I ask you about this? First, I assume 'the work' is about why you find rejection burns and how to soothe that in a healthy way, rather than how you might change yourself to avoid future rejection?

I'm really not prepared to change myself to avoid someone rejecting me again in the future. It’s their loss. You take me or leave me.

How to deal with the burn of rejection is certainly an area worthy of some reflection though. My positive action response is the dating/ sex. But I've also been having stern words with myself to nip any obsessive thoughts in the bud. I have found myself scanning car registrations when Im in a certain area in hope of catching a glimpse of my ex and I know that is not healthy, so clearly I still have a way to go!!!

@Crushed23 - any developments re second date with Mr Guinness?

Also, just to throw my oar into the conversation about lack of matches on OLD, and particularly the issue of likes from much older or younger men. This is a middle aged woman issue!! Not to go all feminist on everyone (I am a bit though!) but men our age just don't fancy us middle aged women. They are biologically driven to fancy women of child bearing age - or at least younger - hence the interest from ancient wrinklies!. I don't really get this cougar thing, but I'm slightly worried it's a porn thing (sexy step mom?) Landing on one who is willing to date their own age is really quite rare.

Nothing!

I made a joke about being British and awkward when he said I was hard to read etc. then we texted a bit about our weekends. He mentioned being slammed at work which might be why he hasn't messaged so far today. That or someone else has piqued his interest (more likely).

I'm not too bothered, and my blood pressure will thank me.

Rejection is so much easier when you have distractions... looking forward to my second date with Mr Rave on Friday. I pray the sex improves and he's on board with being FWBs. 🙏

Not that the sex was bad - I got A LOT out of it, I just want him to as well.

What happened to Mr Lawyer? @occhiazzurri

@Crushed23 - enjoy the anticipation of what could be a very hot date on Friday then!

Mr Lawyer messaged Sunday evening after three days of radio silence re how the weekend was, but then never responded to my message. So I am chalking it down to having found someone else to meet on Wed.

Ok, so on the idea of a whatsapp group:

Are we happy that a whatsapp is better than a closed facebook group? Im on quite a few facebook groups where you have to answer questions to join so it seems similar, but I guess it would have more admin responsibilities, esp if it grew. which I doubt any of us want to take on.

I am happy to send out PMs to anyone who wants to join a Whatsapp group and then to add everyone.

BUT!!, Im not prepared to moderate it! We'd all have to accept that if @PeachyKeane brags about her constant shagging, we just have to suck it up and not all fall out or send 'bragging bitch' replies. 😁

I think we'd also have to accept that a man/ men may end up on it. There are some on MN and this thread (or at least were on 50).

I suppose people can always leave whatsapp groups if they get fed up. So it's pretty low risk really.

@Crushed23 I wouldn't worry about his end of the bargain- men get a huge kick out of pleasing women and I imagine you will have fuelled his fantasies for at least a week afterwards!

I'm easy with either option @OchreHedgehog

@DrinkingTooMuchPinot and I are already in touch via WhatsApp so we are raring to go.

@Crushed23 ahh that's exciting! Have you thought about how to have the FWB conversation?

@OchreHedgehog I am on board with the idea of a whatsapp group 🙂

Mr Tradie is starting to annoy me. Still messaging me every day but no mention of meeting up again. I know he doesn't put too much store by who suggests the next date and he did ask me on the last one but it would be nice if he took the reins a bit.

Ugh I am so impatient I have told him to let me know if he fancies doing something soon. I am not sure this is the right tactic, it is always nice to be asked than to do the asking but I would like to think he would politely decline if he wasn't interested? I am my own worst enemy. I was looking back at chats with my ex bfs in the early stages and they were much more flirty than Mr Tradie is with me 🙁

Yes to WhatsApp. Will pm you @OchreHedgehog

Too many wisecracks but not enough time about you being 'easy' and 'raring to go' 🤣🤣🤣

@oldernotwiserffs I wouldn't worry and having to prompt him. Men can be frightened of being too forward/ pushy. Sounds like he is definitely interested, just treading carefully. Give it more time.

@OchreHedgehog I've already said to him to let me know if he wants to do something again soon 🙈 I'm not good at being patient!

Do we think he would politely decline if he wasn't interested? I would hope so. When I spoke to him before about me initiating a lot of the dates he said he would have asked me out again but that I beat him to it. I just like to be organised and also to know where I stand!

So rude 😄

Mr Tradie sounds a bit like Mr HK. Passive and not flirty enough.

In the end I had to knock it on the head, but it sounds like you like Mr Tradie / are more invested (Mr HK and I didn't even have sex...) so I wouldn't worry about being the one to suggest dates etc. Just as long as it's not you every single time.

Did we cover how he is in bed btw? 👀 #nosy

The FWB conversation I'm going to keep light-hearted. Tell him I think he's hot (he is) but I don't want a full blown relationship. Just for us to go 'out out' together and have sex. Then see what he says.

@Crushed23 the sex is absolutely wild - we've done it in all kinds of places (indoors, outdoors, in the car etc) which is possibly why I'm so hooked...he definitely is a bit too passive and not flirty enough. He instigates kissing and sex but that's all I get. I will have to see how it goes if he does want to see me again. Will keep you updated!

That sounds like a good plan, it sounds like he likes you so I imagine he will be enthusiastic 😀

Yes to a WhatsApp group 😁

PM me your number. We're already up and running! @PeachyKeane's are gorgeous!

Anyone else who wants to join, just pm me your number. I have to be at the laptop to get the PMs so I'll check again tomorrow!