Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Just a quick hello to everyone from stateside! Haven't had the time to catch up with the whole thread since being away, will do that towards the end of the week when back in the UK!

I set my Hinge location to the city I am staying at, just out of curiosity, and the amount of likes has been insane! Lots of conservative Christian types of course, 50% are wearing caps, but some hotties there too. Unfortunately won't have time to go on actual dates but just wanted to see what's on offer on this side of the Atlantic.

With regards to actual dating, still talking to Mr Pretty who is 15 years younger than me, he's keen to go on a date when I am back in the UK. Mr Rebound is still being elusive, not heard anything for 10 days now so guess that's it. Mr Tallirish has a flu or some other virus and is still not well, but hoping to mee him for some sex when I'm back.

@PeachyKeane I'd love to join a whatsapp group as well if that goes ahead, also quite worried of oversharing in here, so please PM me if you or anyone decides to set one up.

@TwistedWonder I mean algorithms might deem you unpopular and not show you to many people... there's lot of articles if you Google hinge algorithms but cases like at extreme:
gizmodo.com/hinge-dating-app-algorithm-1850744140

Other issue that can occur with too many filters is explained well here under deal breaker : https://www.klickme.co.uk/dating-tips/hinge-users-turn-this-setting-off-now

@Day99 - I think you’ve nailed it. It sounds like you need to cheat the algorithm to get any decent matches.

In my case, I also don’t think there are many people in my age range 40-50s active on OLD within my filters. Tweaking my profile to a more casual vibe has only yielded likes from unattractive 50 year olds who are figuring out their dating goals.
So I am on the hunt for an attractive 30 year old IRL!

@OchreHedgehog

I can completely relate. The only time I have OLDd is to cure heartbreak.

The way I use it is really quite unhealthy IMO but I suspect many people are the same.

You do need to find a way to break free of him though and the dating and seeing you can do better and should be treated better may be a good way to achieve that. It was for me.

I refreshed my Hinge algorithm by pretending to leave - it gives you the option to refresh. It worked! Some people I had seen before but many were new, including my lovely new boyfriend 😊
Definitely worth a try.

@occhiazzurri I don't understand how you're not getting any matches in London with a wide age range and 50 mile location radius! I've never set it to more than 10 miles anywhere.

As others have said, have you had friends review your profile? Hinge was by far the best app when I was living in London and friends who were a bit older would say the same. Have you tried setting up a brand new profile?

@Crushed23 - I have had my profile reviewed by a number of friends including one who met her husband on Bumble. It is a brand new profile, too, with photos taken in clear light with two professional photos from a wedding.

I can only put it down to my age - 44- and the fact that at 5’10 I am taller than most men on Hinge. I am not too keen to date people over the age of 54, who seem to be the ones primarily interested in a 40 year old woman. Still zero matches from any hot 30 or 40 year olds since Mr Lawyer and the Swede disappeared over the weekend! I have now relaxed distance and age is up to 55, and only got a few likes from men in their 50s figuring out their dating goals. I also briefly relaxed age filter to 56-57 and got 25+ likes so men are clearly too delusional they can date someone 12 years younger without being particularly attractive.

IRL, I am pleased to report Mr Workcrush 2 and Mr Workcrush 3 have appeared. I bumped into one who looks like early 30s by the printer and the other one - tall and so handsome and stylish I am worried he is gay- by the coffee machine. A few glances were exchanged so we shall see! This gives me hope that perhaps I might meet someone IRL at last. At least it gives me excitement to go to the office five days a week!

Ok I’m probably being a big thick but how do you refresh the algorithms? I have read that link and it’s like another language.

On Hinge I’ve only got 2 dealbreakers - age and distance. If I remove them I start seeing 25 year olds who live 300 miles away so that’s a waste of time.

But even if I remove the dealbreakers, anyone I’ve liked on would still see I’d liked them wouldn’t they? So regardless I still wouldn’t get any matches - unless I’m missing something.

I don’t pay for Hinge or Bumble btw - would that make a difference?

@TwistedWonder - I think paying would possibly make a difference in that your profile is seen sooner on Hinger. But I did pay last year and still went on zero dates from Hinge so it feels like a waste of money.

@occhiazzurri Would you consider lying about your height? Maybe just take it down to 5'8 or 5'9. Since some women wear heels, dating a 5'10 woman is like dating a 5'6-5'8 woman who likes to wear heels.

I have a lot of dealbreakers on Hinge. I think the number of things you can filter by is Hinge's USP. I waste so much time on Tinder swiping left on profiles that I can simply filter out on Hinge.

I get 1-2 matches a week on Hinge and hundreds on Tinder (99% of which I swipe left on).

@Crushed23 - I can try, but I do wear heels so I reckon that won’t make a difference since I will be fairly tall in person. I think lying about age is probably the only thing that would make a difference but it is not something I am prepared to do.

It just seems to be luck of the draw sometimes. Completely random. I'm 43 & get loads of interest from early/late 20's or 60+, but very little interest from late 30's, early/late 40's, which is what I'm looking for.

@NervesOfCotton - I am glad to hear I am not the only one since we are very close in age! I have also had little to no interest from early to mid 30s. Most interest from 57+ really, but I am only prepared to date someone older if they look like David Guetta.

It does seem that many of us get more interest from men significantly older or younger than us and very little from our own age group.

Mh age range is 52-62 and most of those are chasing 40 year olds. I get men in their 30’s or 70’s 🤣🤣

I do sometimes wonder if it’s me but none of my friends who are looking for an actual partner have had any luck with OLD. The only friend who does well is the one who is happy with hook ups and casual. She’s inundated

@TwistedWonder you'd need to reset the profile (or new profile). Then it depends but I'd use wide filters and not swipe on too many men (only the ones that have liked you so you match) There's many suggestions online how to (try to) beat the algorithms 😅

@NervesOfCotton would you not consider someone younger than late 30s? All my friends in their 40s are 'young 40s' and so I don't consider 43/44 as being in a different age category from mid-30s really.

@Day99

Ive deleted my profile and started again on several occasions but it’s made no difference. Still tumbleweed.

Im not paying though so maybe that’s why.

@TwistedWonder - I am having zero luck with a very clearly casual dating profile, too.

TwistedWonder It's definitely not you. I know a few people doing OLD & the only ones having any success are also looking for casual...

occhiazzurri The oldest one I nearly had a meet with was 14 years older & we had lots in common (& looked lovely!) but he was trying to relive his youth & called me 'Old before my time'

Crushed23 I do, my ages aren't 'Set in stone'. I'm always open to somebody slightly older or younger if they catch my eye

Distance is always my biggest block.

Fair enough @occhiazzurri

But if I had to guess, I would say it could be height that's putting men off (bearing in mind the average height for a man in the UK is 5'9) rather than your age.

That being said, I think your height will work in your favour for meeting men IRL. There was a tall woman in my gym in London and she was so striking and beautiful, always turned heads.

Crushed23 My friend who is 5'9 & wears heels doesn't seem to have a problem with getting dates (they don't go anywhere but I doubt that's height related, just men-related!) She's had lots of men say that they like a tall woman to take charge!

@Crushed23 - yes, I just need to get out of the professional circles I am in and find ways to meet normal people who might not have got married by age 30 or are divorced without being total players.
My new work rushes are in support departments ie not high earners so I am hopeful!

That reminds me of a guy I matched with who wanted me to be his 'domme' even though I'm petite and innocent looking (I'm told). I seem to remember it involved a lot of foot worship. I turned him down.

Don't get me wrong, I love being worshipped, but I draw the line at someone humiliating themselves for me! 😅

Do tall women get more of these types of propositions, I wonder?

There’s a guy called Russ who is on every dating app going in the London/Essex area who is obsessed with licking women’s shoes and feet and being humiliated.
Every time I’ve been on an app he’s sent me a message called me mistress and several of my mates have had the same