Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I'm actually struggling time wise just now as well 😳.

Got chatting to a 34 yo match from hinge last night....super hot! It was a purely speculative like, I didn't really expect him to match back but he did. And the flirty chat is flowing so easily and well and now he wants to meet 😳 I already have dates on Saturday and Sunday and busy Friday 😂 what's a girl to do 😂. And he seems to be on the same page as me in terms of what he's looking for too. 🤞

@finallyaskedfordivorce ooh exciting! Is a weeknight date out of the question?

I might be able to do Thursday night at a push.

Like @oldernotwiserffs I'm juggling dates this week. Having dinner with Mr Culture on Wednesday night and sex with Mr Irish on Thursday. Then coffee with another potential fwb, let's call him Mr Surf at the weekend (my first foray into 'younger' inspired by @PeachyKeane!). Culture and/ or Irish will no doubt want to do something at the weekend too. But that would be too much for me even if it didn't present a logistical nightmare!

Mr Culture is previously known to me in a work role so it will be interesting to see how it goes. He's dishy but perhaps a little dull. A friend has already said she thinks I'll find him too boring. Given I'm only interviewing for potential additional entries into my little black book, I'm not bothered about whether they are relationship material. In fact, it's better if I fancy them but believe they're incompatible for a relationship as I definitely don't want to unwittingly drift into something full on/ full time.

@TwistedWonder I am no aficionado on OLD (have only be at it since new years day), but here's my tuppence. Do you swipe right often and have broad filters? Men obviously swipe right a lot, then make a final decision on whether they fancy the woman if they match. That's why many match, but then don't message. Whereas women seem to only swipe right if they fancy a profile so then wonder why matches don't engage. So I say, open up your filters, cover your eyes and swipe right on bloody everybody and then see how it goes at messages stage!

I'm juggling dates as well. Thursday I'm fitting in a guy I've been texting without meeting for months now. The only one I've made an exception for as I love chatting with him and he's been massively supportive. I actually thought we would never meet, but he's suddenly asked for a coffee date.

I do hope lots of random people don't lurk on these threads as I do worry it could be easy to piece together who we are if you wanted to, especially one of our dates. But then, you'd have to be a psychopath to do that right?!

So hopefully this isn't 'outing' as they say, and also hope it's not too deep for what is overall a pretty happy, fun, light thread! But I'd welcome all your advice.

My motivation for jumping on the dating bandwagon this year was being ghosted at Christmas. I hadn’t been dating anyone for a couple of years and was really enjoying my single life when an ex popped back into my life. Turns out he was on the rebound and I assume he rebounded back to his ex. I am really struggling to put him out of my mind. I said upthread he's kind of my Richard Burton. In and out of my life over many years. Last time I ghosted him so I am just as bad and am now getting a taste of my own medicine! Intoxicating but also a bit toxic and I probably have skewed ideas about him because of the half film star fantasy.

I am fully aware that I'm throwing myself into dating to basically shag the rejection away! It's working a little bit but I know perfectly well if Mr Burton called I'd drop everything. Which is ridiculous as he was only ever fit to be a fwb. However, I think it's unlikely he will anyway as I think he probably obsessed over me when I ghosted him and then discovered when we reconnected last year that I didn't live up to his fantasy after all.

Why does rejection do such crazy things to our minds and how the hell do I sweep it away so it stops bugging me?!

@PeachyKeane men have been doing this for eons! Time we got in on some of the action!

I feel the same way as a@TwistedWonder. Even when I opened up my filters re age (up to +10) and distance (+50 miles) and sent out a large number of likes daily, only a couple resulted in matches and the conversations with them all died. I struggle to see how I would even go on one date, let alone more, after a week on Hinge.

I'm doing the exact same thing tbh, fucking away rejection. It's working currently. Maybe we should set up a private Facebook or WhatsApp group instead as I'm also a little worried about oversharing and bring identified tbh.....

@occhiazzurri and @TwistedWonder I wonder what is going on here as men are generally not as fussy as women. Have you critically reviewed your profile photos? Are you smiling, looking friendly, agreeable- all the shite men are socialised to expect in a woman? Maybe flash a bit more flesh. Again, you can filter out pervs and no hopers at messaging stage. Have you got fun, flirty profile captions? I would probably also extend that search area. 50 miles isn't that big a radius. I commute 70 miles to my office!

I imagine you have both already thought about this stuff so it probably isn't the issue. That leads me to think that maybe the tide really is turning and people are going off OLD and instead putting their efforts into trying to meet dates IRL.

I'm a bit worried that if we met we'd look identical and find out we are twins who were separated at birth!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

We'd be the dream team out on the pull together.... 😅

Better believe it!!

And yes I am up for a group on whatsapp or fb. Let’s brainstorm this later. Gotta go and earn a living now!

I'm another one who rejoined the apps after a rejection! The ego needed a little massaging. However, I'm also seeing a therapist to "do the work" on myself.

Oh a wee WhatsApp or fb group would be fab, I'd be up for that!

We could share pics of our dates then 😁 has to be very selective though.

My distance is up to 50 miles but in London/home countries that’s a big variable defending on what direction. I’m near Stansted to 50 miles to Suffolk/essex/herts is pretty doable whereas even 25/30 miles south is possibly a 2 hour journey due to the bloody bridge/tunnel/m25 so I tend to rule out ‘sarf of the river’ people. And depending on what part of London they’re in can be a logistical nightmare to travel.

I’m not a flesh flashing sort of girl and I’m not looking for something casual. My photos are all either on holiday where I’m looking tanned and relaxed or on nights out so I think my photos are good and reflective of who I am.

I do think maybe if I was only looking for something casual or a FWB it may be different and my criteria might be slightly lower. I do get 100’s of likes on Bumble but very few matches. Hinge is tumbleweed for me.
I’ve paid for a week of Match but nit impressed so far. It’s just same faces as the other sites.

not a flesh flashing sort of girl. My photos are all either on holiday where I’m looking tanned and relaxed or on nights out so I think my photos are good and reflective of who I am.

That's what my profile looks like as well. Even though I am looking for a regular FWB, he needs to be an intelligent nice man as well. I need to get on well with him.

@TwistedWonder I went to visit a friend in London a few months ago and there seemed to be a lot more eligible men on my apps then. I do think location plays a big part. I'm not near london but I wonder if I'd have more options if I lived in a big city. Totally take your point about the travelling, it's really difficult

@finallyaskedfordivorce same because I am also worried I have been outing 😅

@TwistedWonder I agree with you that showing flesh isn't compulsory, or depends what kind of person you're trying to attract. I know what kind of guy I'm looking for (what type of person they might be looking for) and quite aware what might be my USP.

Have you tried Hinge reset? Sometimes I think the algorithms in apps may not work in your favour if you're not getting enough likes (hence broader filters are better imho)

I’ve tried Hinge about 5/6 times over last couple of years and never had a match.

Though funny I deleted and restarted my Bumble profile about an hour ago and got 4 matches already 🤷‍♀️

My criteria is quite strict as I’m looking for a LTR rather than anything casual so the pool is probably very shallow tbh.

@TwistedWonder I'm not suggesting to match/ like with all the men, but getting on top of the algorithms (being shown for more people).

Sorry not sure what you mean. I’ve deleted my Hinge profile and tried again on several occasions, I send a few likes however I don’t get many likes back or any matches.

I do get the odd like on Hinge but it’s from someone completely not what I looking for