Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Oh I have some stories about this, as apparently I am a pro a dating potential 😁

My ex was someone that didn’t like to do much/ be very adventurous, he was content cuddling on the sofa at home. But he talked about the trips he’d like to go on and responded very enthusiastically to plans I made, so I always thought ‘as soon as things calm down a bit we will transform into this adventurous, energetic, travelling couple. Never happened, I’m adventurous and energetic and he still likes to be at home on his days off.

Mr Redwine wants to live an outdoorsy lifestyle with healthy habits and a good diet, stop drinking excessively etc. He does the outdoorsy bit and then orders a takeaway or lavish meal out with lots of drinks every weekend. What he says he wants and what he does are different things.

Mr WorkCrush used to say about absolutely everything I did habitually: “I should do that, I need some of that in my life!” Trips, holiday ideas, weekends away, particular sports he was apparently curious to try, promotion opportunities… NOW! To be fair. He has started a new quite cool adventurous hobby since meeting me. But I’m not sure he really is that adventurous person he painted himself to be.

Basically it means look at people’s actions, not what they say they want to be, or who you imagine them to be.

I haven't heard from Mr Guinness (Saturday night date). I guess he won't be throwing me around anytime soon. 😅

I have a second date planned with Mr Rave on Friday night, where I have to tell him I'm not looking for anything serious (with him) and want to be FWBs. I will also see if the sex improves and whether I actually want to be FWBs or just friends, although I doubt he would entertain the latter.

@Mountainormolehills and @Crushed23 thank you for your wise words. Man 1 is certainly generous with rather cringe compliments and an abundance of text messages each morning and evening so I expected him to be a bit more caring. I genuinely don't expect a man to pay but given the circumstances, I feel he was stingey. I've been taken advantage of by a miserly man before so am wary of their ways!

Abundance mindset is important but it really does seem like slim pickings round here.

Anyway, good to be on the thread so I don't feel quite so alone in this venture!

Yes, he's stingy. That's a big no-no for me, but I know different people have different tolerances for it, judging by some of the MN threads I've read over the years!

@MyCatisCalledDream

Man 1 would definitely go in the bin for me.

I’ll be honest, being a churchgoer would probably be a mismatch for an atheist like me anyway.

I always offer to pay my share but I’ve found in my experience when it’s dinner most men decline the offer. And the fact he made such a big deal of taking you out for your birthday it’s all a bit cringey.

Id have to say thanks but no thanks and move him on.

@Crushed23 stinginess is one of the most unattractive traits imo. I'm quite generous by nature and like to see it in a potential partner. I had a whole thread under different name about Mr Stinge that I dated/funded last year and people were aghast! 😅

@TwistedWonder I'm also an atheist. It wasn't just his religious beliefs but his total lack of critical thinking skills about religion. I didn't want to get into a debate about it on a date but briefly explained (when he asked why I didn't believe ) that I believe that all the major religions are patriarchal and misogynistic and based on control and he seemed genuinely perplexed by this. In fact, he said he thought other religions might be like that but not Christianity.

Eeeek Mr Rave has bought me wine glasses that he's going to give me when he comes round on Friday because I don't have any and we had to drink wine out of tumblers last time. Apparently I'm his girlfriend now. 😂

I just replied "that's sweet :)", but it's not going to make the conversation about wanting to be FWBs any easier!

Awks!

I also could never be with a religious man, as an atheist.

I did question why he hadn't mentioned it at all in his profile. It didn't occur to him it might be important.

Aww no poor old Steve offering us all a no strings shag and bad old MN deleted his post and ruined his fun 🤣🤣🤣

@NervesOfCotton He mentioned being a procrastinator, he has also had a tougher few years and cooking for one isn’t fun - I get this completely.

There’s enough interest from me to get to know him more.

@OchreHedgehog You probably have a point there!

Damn, missed my chance!

Ha 😅 oh dear, Steve was too old for me anyway if 1966 was his birth year....

Can’t believe I missed that!!

🤣🤣🤣 Ahhh, yes, do you like the early ‘00s babies?!

Oooh no, that's a little young.

70s, 80s and 90s perhaps 🤔

Two words I never ever want to read on a dating profile again - tactile and banter

Just no

Mr Guinness has messaged to say I'm hard to read and he wasn't sure I had a good time on the date?

I don't even know how to respond to that or even how to interpret it?

"You didn't seem like you had a good time on Saturday so let's leave things here"

OR

"I'm worried you may not have had a good time on Saturday, but I'm hoping you're just hard to read and you did have a good time, so this is a roundabout way of asking you out on a second date"

He even manages to cause me stress and confusion from afar 😂

What are his actual words? Text is really tricky to interpret.

@Mountainormolehills oh lovely! I think 2 dates a week is ideal for building momentum.

@Mountainormolehills @ElleintheWoods thank you for your explanations, they make sense. I think I have also dated potential in the past, hoping the guy would become more emotionally available etc.

@MyCatisCalledDream my thoughts on man 1 - I don't mind if someone is religious when I'm not as long as they respect my views. He doesn't sound like he understands/respects why you're not religious. Even if he hadn't made a fuss about taking you out for dinner I would expect him to buy you at least a drink. I went out with a guy on Sat and the meal was very expensive so we went halves but he did buy me a drink afterwards and it wasn't my bday the next day! Not walking you to your car is rude and inviting you over to meet your teenagers before you've even met is plain weird. Man 2 and 3 are worth another try in my opinion.

@Crushed23 omg Mr Rave is keeeen! I suppose it's flattering but also a bit awkward! What did Mr Guiness actually say? Maybe he was nervous to ask you out again if he didn't think you were that into him? If he sent the first message you wrote I'd leave it but I think the second is quite reasonable.

“You’re hard to read I thought you didn’t have a good time ;)”

Smuggled in among other messages about his weekend. He had a relaxing Sunday exercising then reading, apparently. Do I just ignore that comment and talk about the rest of my weekend? Christ he's annoying.

Sounds like he's worried about you to me. I've had so many men tell me they were nervous about our date. I'm never nervous because I'm just not that invested and I'm very much a play it by ear kind of person. But that reads as if he's interested and worried you're not that into him.