Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I must say, from what you have all said, I'm glad I'm not trying to date in London!

But @LaBrasseria2024 and I are up against the challenges of a much smaller population. Which has pros and cons. Only one degree of separation here means I've landed on at least half a dozen men I already know, or sort of know of, on OLD. So no need to spend time qualifying them because I already know what they look like etc. I'm going to have a date with one next week. Let's call him Mr Culture. I already know he is very dishy (or at least was 10 years ago when I last saw him - he was married then!)

I still have Mr Irish on the go and a Bumble match which is still only at texting stage (over 2 weeks), but we're both happy with it being a very slow burn.

I'm also messaging a couple of others after a slow start on Hinge. But it is hard to juggle lots of messaging conversations!

To be fair I moved out of London 20 years ago but I grew up in east London long before it was gentrified and worked in The City so thing may have changed. Todays London is a very different place to it was in my day.
In my experience the men most likely to approach women were builder, tradesmen types rather than City boys - though the latter tended to get braver after a few drinks .

@oldernotwiserffs @occhiazzurri Mr Italian seems like a really nice guy, quite brainy too and common interests, texts me every day and does follow up if I go quiet on him, too. Very good-looking/ my type.

He's very open about wanting to settle down and start a family though. He hasn't asked me directly yet but at some point I should probably say that's not my plan and see what he makes of it. I've semi-ghosted him a couple of times as he does live very far and wants different things but...

I know what you're saying about Italian men and they're certainly amazing for an ego boost... I had an Italian boyfriend once or twice and they're forever complimenting and doing romantic things. The ones I dated were also terribly intense though, 100s of messages a day and drama if I didn't reply, wanting lunchtime calls etc... Very very needy! But equally easy on the eye... I did swear I wouldn't date another Latino as they're such womanisers IME but...

Any interesting foreign guy experiences?

And yes I agree that the men that tend to chat women up in London tend to be the pickup artist type. Hence, not flattered by the attention.

@occhiazzurri I will eagerly await an update! I'm not sure why it's all the rage all of a sudden?

@ElleintheWoods ah yes, Italian men do tend to be very family oriented. I've never dated a foreign man but I have Italian family friends and the husband adores his wife and family is super important to him. Maybe just be honest with him about your dating goals and then let him decide?

@ElleintheWoods - my personal experience with Italian men isn’t positive unfortunately. Someone I met through work all of a sudden took a lot of interest in me and we were out a fair bit, he even invited me to go on a ski trip with his friends. All of this was happening while he had a girlfriend! I found out from someone else who he knew professionally.

I guess it can happen with every nationality since the last person I dated was English, and he was dating five women and lying about it.

This happened to me before and I don’t like it. I remember someone on here at the time saying they did it and it helped them organise themselves better.

Been to a few speed dating events, I'm starting to think that they're a waste of time, nothing comes out of them, there are never any matches and you start hearing from others that the events start to see repeat offenders (as in the same people all the time).

I really didn't want to go down the dating app route, but I think this is the only option. It's strange because you'd think with speed dating that people would prefer the in-person chat, but it seems like if there isn't some amazing instant connection that's the end of it, pleasant conversation, but not worth seeing if anything ever grows. Are the 4 minute chats supposed to be friendly chats or full-on flirting? Online dating is based off of initial physical attraction and that seems to be all that matters.

I hate photographs of myself, I hear there are some companies that do photos for dating app profiles?

@LittleFloatingGhost @LaBrasseria2024 if someone has to do organising admin to juggle dating connections it suggests they are either very anal or have a huge number of women on the go. It’s not that hard when everything has a profile photo attached to it!

I always do it once I move to WhatsApp as can’t see the point of keeping the match on the dating app once we’ve moved off of it.

I personally wouldn’t see it as an issue at all

@NowStartingOver it's all a minefield so best not to overthink it. Despite all the analysis of whether we should have certain photos, reply at certain speeds, be flirty/ coy/ fast/ slow, it’s all BS really and all that actually matters is whether you feel a connection. Personally, I am very new to OLD but it is still obvious when you click with someone. And even more obvious when you don't!!

Is that in London? Would love to know which padel place does singles events!

@Datesandprunes - this is the one closest to me and they are opening up new clubs in London.

https://padelsocial.club/pages/clubs

I saw somewhere on Eventbrite a few padel events in Canary Wharf but I can’t recall the organiser.

@LittleFloatingGhost @OchreHedgehog - I don't like it either! I feel like it's passive aggressive. The guy says he is ex navy though so maybe a bit anal!

@OchreHedgehog - N.I really is a village! I do have a few single friends and we send each other who we are dating so we don't end up going out with the same people! Also, bumble keeps throwing up men in Scotland for me, annoying!!

What do people on here think of coffee dates? I have never done one and just got asked on one!

If he's so anal why did he get his age wrong?!

On coffee dates, I prefer them to a walk (my nightmare date) but I think a first date in a bar is much better than coffee. I also generally prefer evening dates as I like dressing up a bit.

@Crushed23 - haha very true. I am going to avoid that guy actually as lying about age is a lie and annoys me!

Yea I prefer evening dates also! I have never been on a coffee one, I wouldn't do a walking date. Not sure whether to say yes to This coffee date or not, coffee feels more awkward for me!

I don’t mind coffee dates but I prefer bar/pub dates.

Personally I feel more relaxed with a glass of wine. Coffee is usually reserved for meeting up with friends in my lunch break rather than dates.

Walking dates is an absolute no for me.

@TwistedWonder - yes it feels a bit more like a friend thing or a bit business like, a little glass of fizz deffo does relax me! I'm not sure how to decline though haha

An update from me, 5 dates in and he asked me to be his girlfriend 😊
Dates 6 and 7 are planned and it’s just very chilled and easy. I credit my relationship coach with all the positive changes I have made, and I did date others during the process (before we met) so I got to practice first 😂.

@Mountainormolehills - oh yay! Glad it's gone so well for you. Can I ask how you found the relationship coach? I could do with one

@LaBrasseria2024 please message me - it was a happy accident really but she is amazing - I was making mistakes which sabotaged my love life, and pushing too hard to make things work with the wrong people.

@LaBrasseria2024 I had a coffee date with one of my bumble matches. I felt it was a good way to quickly rule in or out in the space of an hour, with no big impact on my schedule.

I did have to think carefully about what to wear. I think i went sexy jeans and tight sweater!

We actually ended up talking for two hours but he was the one who texted small talk for days afterwards so I sent him a dear john in the end.

I'm imagining Will Smith in Hitch!

@Mountainormolehills wow 5 dates in? Congratulations! Do you have any tips for us?

She isn’t! It’s like having a best friend who’s totally focused on you, she has got me doing affirmations and reading all sorts of things but mostly just changed my mindset and got me to relax and enjoy being me.