Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I have to say ladies, I've found this chat invaluable this last week or so after basically being patched by Mr Construction since last Friday night.

I should have known that it was never going to be as easy as finding the perfect casual/FWB on the first go straight out the gates.

But this chat has really kept me distracted and helped me adjust my mindset a bit.

Apparently he finds older women more chilled, more flirty and less high maintenance and less uptight

hmmmm call me cynical but I'm very wary of men who list the things they don't like about women early on. Less high maintenance / uptight would raise a little eyebrow from me. Like he's trying to condition you to take what he offers and will be able to put you down if not

@Datesandprunes tbf I'm paraphrasing. But if he thinks that slightly older divorced women will put up with any old shit he'll get a short sharp shock 😂

I generally agree though. When I see men on the apps with comments on their bio like "we'll get along if........you're not a psycho like my ex" etc etc etc it's an immediate swipe left.

@finallyaskedfordivorce I'm really glad this chat has helped you - it's been invaluable for me too.

Just got back from date with Mr Tradie. He did speak about what is going on for him but that wasn't the whole topic of conversation. I found out more about his childhood and shared more about me too, and we also had a laugh. We went for dinner, then drinks and then when all the bars had shut sat and chatted in his car for a while. Lots of nice kissing but no sex because it's my time of the month. I had a nice time and he said he did too, still not sure if it will go anywhere but I am trying to enjoy it for now. What do you guys think?

Earlier a guy on bumble asked me out next week and asked for my number, I gave it to him and he didn't message. What is that about???

Also my hair didn't look as good as I wanted it to! I hope he didn't notice it wasn't up to its usual standard!

@OchreHedgehog - I feel the same way! Not a single match with anyone I remotely fancy in their 30s. And the conversations with two attractive 40 year olds who asked me out earlier this week seem to have died. And I only got two matches out of all the likes I have sent so clearly the people I think I will fancy don’t fancy me!

I'll second that wholeheartedly! Good to know I'm not alone, fascinating and educational to hear others' experiences. And yes, good distraction to stop any descent into overthinking. Great thread!

@LaBrasseria2024 I'd agree the changing age is a bit odd but not sure it's a major red flag. Could have been a typo or he thought he'd try to get a younger woman but then changed his mind. Maybe just ask him about it.

@Datesandprunes I tend to agree about the younger contingent. Ive woken up this morning to 8 photo likes on Hinge from, well frankly, boys. All early 20s. Obviously drinking last night and swiping when they arrived home (alone!) I think many imagine older women will be easy/ desperate and nurturing/ do all the running.

@finallyaskedfordivorce that sounds like a great weekend line up!

We spot far more flaws in ourselves than men ever do so very unlikely he noticed. It sounds like you're still on the fence about Mr Tradie. Which either means it's not right for you, or you need to adjust your thinking. You're clearly intelligent, thoughtful and have it all together, so I doubt it is an expectations thing. That said, if you're enjoying his company, a few more dates won't do any harm!

This made me laugh because it’s so accurate - mens dating selfies 🤣

Mr Indie doesn't have a problem with this. So it must just be some of them. He told me I'm very tight (tmi I know but I was a little worried after 3 kids)

My date with my younger lawyer was wonderful. Will definitely be seeing him again. I found him so intelligent and interesting. And super hot 🔥

Sorry that was supposed to be a response to this....

@OchreHedgehog I'm only on the fence because I'm not one hundred per cent sure how he feels about me and I also don't want to rush into anything because I did that with my last two relationships which weren't good.. I'd definitely like to see him again, I always have a good time when I'm with him.

@TwistedWonder so bloody true!! The photo standard is shockingly poor.

Good to know @PeachyKeane (re hardness I mean 🤣 but keep up the Kegel exercises!!)

And @oldernotwiserffs I think it sounds very promising. I suppose if you were feeling absolute certainty it would be a worry at this stage too!

@oldernotwiserffs seems like a sensible idea to take it nice and slowly. Just enjoy the time with him perhaps without amy expectations if you can?

@TwistedWonder those are so funny 😁 even my lovely lawyer last night, the standard of his photos was terrible. I just tend to meet them anyway to see what they look like irl. He's actually lovely looking and the height he claimed to be!

@OchreHedgehog yes, the drive to improve my body has definitely ramped up now I'm having sex again 😅

@finallyaskedfordivorce I am loving this chat as well, so helpful for me. You women are fabulous 💗

@occhiazzurri I never get matches from any likes I send. Perhaps they can't see them?

@OchreHedgehog @PeachyKeane thank you! I do struggle to just enjoy the moment and not think too far ahead, and because I hear so many stories about men only wanting situationships etc I think I worry because I don't want to invest in something and be hurt but I suppose that's the risk you take in dating! I do really like him so I am feeling quite vulnerable at the moment which makes me overthink. I will try to just take it a day at a time!

@TwistedWonder that is so accurate! And a lot of men's photos are about 10 years old too!

Hi ladies, I read this thread a lot but haven’t posted on here before. I was just looking for someone advice really,

I am early 50’s and fairly new to the dating scene. I want to meet someone similar to my age up to say 58 but I’m finding that this age group turn things sexual very quickly? Is this just common and something I need to get used to?

I have had men asking me what I like in bed within hours of messaging, how adventurous I am etc….

I have had some sending dick pics after a bit of flirt - I didn’t think blokes in their 50’s would do this to be honest so have been quite shocked. My friend say they are the worst age group as the sexism and entitlement is embedded in them at that age.

I went on a date with someone who I thought was nice and we went for a walk in a park. Within a few minutes he was making comments about my arse!

I’m a bit disillusioned with it all to be honest.

i don’t have much contact with men in real life.

@Sallycinnamonspice I've found that as well and utterly grosses me out. I ditch them if they start anything before we have met. Once we have met though, if I fancy them, I am happy to move things forward sexually. I find that younger men tend to be more respectful actually. Not looking for a relationship though myself so this all works well for my needs. Think perhaps it might be more depressing if I was.

There are decent men of our age out there however, I have met a few. Worth hanging on and waiting for them I think perhaps.

@Sallycinnamonspice I'm mid 30s and my age range on the apps is 28-40 and I have the same experience even though I'm clear on my profile that I am looking for something long term and not casual. You're not alone!

@Sallycinnamonspice

Unfortunately your experience matches exactly what my 50+ friends and I have found. Men old enough to be grandfathers acting like horny teenagers with terrible cringey sexual lines from the start., sending unsolicited naked photos and even in one case wanking down the phone 🤢

We've got a WhatsApp group of our single friends and honestly we could write a book with some of the stories. Dreadful dates but hilarious anecdotes

I had a date with a guy from Tinder last night… let’s call him Mr Guinness. I agreed to the date because he had picked a nice bar near where I live. I had my reservations because he was a bit annoying over text and he comes across as overly competitive bordering on aggressive. Anyway, the date wasn’t bad and I did enjoy myself, even if he did talk too much and kept interrupting me.

We have a fair bit in common and ‘on paper’ we’re a good match - same age, same level of education, both have an active social life/lots of friends, interest in exercise and active holidays etc.

However I’ve been trying to assess dates on how they made me FEEL rather than the guy’s credentials on paper:

• I was not relaxed on the date. I had to tell him to move his stool back a bit at one point as he was invading my personal space (he was very apologetic, to be fair)
• He dominated the conversation and talked a lot about his friends, and didn’t ask me enough questions.
• He talked about his fraught relationship with his mother which I thought was inappropriate first date chat (I’m not his therapist 🤷‍♀️). Admittedly this was only a tiny portion of the conversation.
• He was complimentary and I felt attractive. He managed to get the balance right of saying something sincere-sounding without coming across as creepy. Fair play.

So based on the above, it doesn’t seem like Mr Guinness is the right guy for me. However something is making me want to give him another chance…? Maybe my ovaries? 😂

@Crushed23 if you're leaning towards giving him a second chance I would probably say go for it - what have you got to lose? I think sometimes men dominate the conversation because they're nervous. Maybe give him another go and if he still invades your personal space and dominates the conversation at least then you'll know for definite that he's a no go.

😩

See I don’t think being a low earner is a problem at all for men, I don’t think most would hold it against you.

I do know some men (well, more specifically my own family where it’s the norm for the woman to be a higher earner) who would look at that, but I feel like in Britain outside London you get much more choice not being in an occupation/ tax bracket that’s above average. People probably care more about intellectual compatibility and a similar lifestyle preference, right?

I’ve been on dates with men from wealthy families that haven’t necessarily pursued a challenging career themselves, and they feel uncomfortable with me despite an overlap in lifestyle, and tend to date women who have stayed local to where they were born, and pursued a job that pays the bills rather than a big global career. I do think many men just want to be the more experienced, higher earner in their relationship, even if it’s by a large margin.

I do genuinely think that ‘pretty’ and ‘nice, compatible person’ are top of a man’s list by quite some margin.