Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Why do they behave like that? Honestly they’re all like horny teenage boys.

I had a guy I was chatting to once and who’d seemed really alright just randomly send me a photo laying naked on his bed (face down thankfully) with his bare arse reflected in his strategically placed full length mirror then called me uptight and ridiculous for saying it wasn’t really appropriate

@PeachyKeane have fun tonight!

@finallyaskedfordivorce being invited to a guy's house before you've even met is a red flag for me. I think it's dangerous! Unfortunately we do need to consider our safety.

@DrinkingTooMuchPinot I also need to find some single friends. I have joined a couple of groups this year but the girls there are all coupled up.

@Unhingeme good for you for sticking to your boundaries!

Just getting ready for my date with Mr Tradie, we are going for dinner but haven't booked anywhere, I am slightly worried we won't get in anywhere!

Oh god, can I date the men you’re dating? Mine make the date very much a job interview!! So many questions about it.

“So, Elle, tell me about the role you had in 2015, and why did you choose to take on this challenge?”
Me: [replies with a relevant funny anecdote or similar]
Him: [asks many follow-up questions]

At the end of interview (I mean, date): “Well, you’ve had all these experiences and done so many things with your life, I’m afraid you’re overqualified to progress to the next round of interviews for the role of girlfriend. We will stay in contact to discuss your job more though!”

I actually have a funny message a guy sent after 2 rounds of job interview style dates I’d love to share, but resisting the urge 😇

Maybe it’s me though, maybe I give off the vibe that i really really want to discuss my CV 🤷‍♀️😂

Do I sound bitter yet? 🙈

@oldernotwiserffs agreed! I prefer to meet in public for the 1st date, make sure I've not been catfished 😂

I am very surprised because the men have been on a few dates with over the years were very interested in my career. I suspect it is because I have met a few in the same industry or perhaps they were really targeting successful single and childfree ladies so that they don’t have to pay on dates and/or expected I would have a lot more disposable cash etc. I always try to keep it vague and also don’t fancy too much work chat on dates.

Even with Mr Lawyer and the Swede (before the conversation died) - they asked what I do pretty early on. I’ve just matched with another Mr Swede No. 2 who is in the entertainment industry and he has just asked me what I do. Maybe I should put photographer as a job title since I do love photography in my spare time!

@ElleintheWoods - I can totally emphasise how you feel since that’s happened to me a fair few times!

@oldernotwiserffs I also would absolutely not go to someone's house on a first date! I think it's especially right to be cautious if you use public transport. I don't know why but your own car feels easier/safer somehow

I do have my job on my profile as a) if they're going to be intimidated then they're no use to me and b) I work a lot, which in clear about, so don't want to mix messages!

Now who had the single friends near London looking for a date? Or, anyone know Alexander from the traitors?

Yeah I'm all for a bit of sexting and a flirty photo with someone I'm involved with, especially to maintain interest and arousal. But I haven't even met this guy. He actually said:

I believe you have the type of body that will drive me wild but this would probably confirm it 100% and allow me to relax and focus on all the other things about you that I’m hoping for

And I said I wasn't going to base anything on the coin flip of whether my arse meets his standards or not. Bullet dodged I think.

I saw on the Traitors thread that someone's friend had matched with Alexander on Hinge!

@Unhingeme WHAT

Dammit I'm on hinge and get bugger all 😂

@finallyaskedfordivorce

I would definitely not go to someone’s house for a first date. It’s too risky imo as you have no idea who he is plus the whole point of dating for me is actually going on dates. Staying home is for later down the line

And it does make me think that he’s looking g for first date sex without putting in any effort.

@TwistedWonder oh absolutely! For me, 1st date is drinks in a public place and see if there's any in person spark, with a snog if there is.

I'm not going to anyone's house until I'm prepared to put out 😂

Same. So much so that if I went to a guy's apartment and there wasn't sex I'd be disappointed 😂

@Crushed23 ditto 😂

Oooh I have lots to catch up on here. I've been busy the last two days ~ sadly not in the biblical sense 😆 just with life stuff. But seems you all have been even busier with lots of dates!!

I'll start by saying Bravo!! to @ElleintheWoods for your post yesterday at 8.07 about the need to listen and be open, and balance this with awareness in case 'feeling down' is a permanent state and he's seeking a nurse with a purse. Brilliant post! I hope Mr Tradie works out for you @oldernotwiserffs.

It’s a good point that we are probably foolish to think any men care about whether we have achieved anything in our careers, or life generally. So profile photos are going to illicit different reactions if they show us at a party/ have a bit of skin on show or whatever. I better review mine.

That said, I can't believe the guy asking for an arse photo as a qualifying factor. I mean wtaf?!!

There's a definite running theme of women posting here who have their shit together and have senior jobs. I wonder is it easier for middle aged women who aren't in 'intimidating' jobs to pick up men. Maybe I should put Air Hostess as my job title!

And also, delicate question here @PeachyKeane but how are you finding the firmness issue with Mr Indie and the many others you're bedding?! We had talked up thread about how many of them now either can't keep it up, or if they can, they can't finish unless there's some kind of hand/ hydraulics involved.

@OchreHedgehog - I have found the men I have met don't mind what job I'm in. I definitely don't have an 'intimidating job' lol. I am quite a low earner ( the salaries in my sector are crap) , it hasn't put men off. I have been out with very, very high earners, and they didn't care at all that i earn so much less. These guys were quite a bit older than me though and it didn't work out anyways!

Flip, you lot are obviously all out actually dating while I am on the sofa like a sad Bridget Jones!

I've joined Hinge but am not having much luck with it. Maybe I really do need to change my profile photos! I have had quite a few photo likes from younger men, but they are so young I just couldn't. It would actually creep me out I think to try to meet someone in their 20s. And they need to be good looking. Most of them aren't. Well imho anyway. They're just fresh faced and young but nothing special.

I have matched with a few men over 30, but haven't actually clicked with anyone. Some like one of my photos but then don't reply when I send a message (maybe they are all out on hot dates). And two started well on messaging, but it rapidly became apparent that they don't intend to ask a single question about me and have no intention of trying to make any effort whatsoever. It’s 'I fancy shagging you, you either feel the same way or piss off'. Who are they actually getting to date them?! I asked one if he was getting many dates with these very short answers and he replied 'I'm a man of mystery'. I mean wtf? That might work IRL, but expecting a woman to agree to meet you solely, completely, entirely based on a handful of photos just seems bizarre. I don't want to text for a month, but ffs give me something please!!!

Send them my way please!!

@OchreHedgehog - haha, I meant I agree with your point that they are not necessarily interested in your career etc, so I have found they haven't cared that I'm on shit money 🤣🤣

That is maybe a certain 'type' though, who doesn't want their equal,

I'm sure there are some nicer guys who would take an interest in what a person does for a living!

I haven't been on any dates in 2025 and have been slacking!

Was due to go on a date tonight but I didn't get back to the guy. It's an American guy working and studying in my city, 34. Matched on bumble and agreed to a date so exchanged numbers.

Once we started chatting on WhatsApp he unmatched me on bumble! I asked him why he did it and he said because he had upgraded me to WhatsApp and he has never had anyone complain about it before.

It really put me off him. I don't know if any other woman would feel like this or if I am just too sensitive to 'red flags'

Just seen him on bumble again but now he is 36?!

I always unmatch on Bumble once we move to WhatsApp as there’s no point still being matched on the app then.

My last date was June 2024 so I’m not holding my breath I’ll get one any time soon.

I want them to take an interest in what I do, but not to be bothered to the extent that they judge me or conversely feel intimidated. I suppose this is about men who feel they have achieved what they want vs men who feel somehow inadequate in their lives. I want someone who is comfortable with themselves. Very hard to find!

@TwistedWonder - yea maybe it was too hasty of me to not go on the date of him based on that. But now that he has reappeared on bumble with a different age has sent alarm bells ringing 🤣🤣

Yes that’s the red flag 🤣🤣

Ive had a scroll through Bumble this evening and haven’t swiped right once.

But I’ve seen 5 or 6 men I know in real life including my mates twatty pisshead ex who tries it on with anyone with a pulse 🤢

Ooh my 38 year old match (Mr Data) has made a date for next Sunday and he's getting his flirt on tonight via chat 🥰🥰 Was starting to think that might not go anywhere but we're off and running a bit better now.

So I've now got 2 dates next weekend 😳 sat night with 51 yo Mr Project and Sunday with 38 yo Mr Data.

Apparently he finds older women more chilled, more flirty and less high maintenance and less uptight