Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@DrinkingTooMuchPinot my only worry really is that although I have told him I can't commit, he's really keen. I don't think he's FWB material. He wants a relationship with me and I can't offer that. But it's much better getting to know someone, the sex gets better each time, so a regular FWB rather than ONS is the aim.

@TwistedWonder it's crazy isn't it, the Turkey teeth! Mind you, I guess they would perhaps have had terrible teeth anyway, which would also have been off putting.

@oldernotwiserffs I love this thread as well as no-one else I know is currently dating. Although my friends are all delighted to hear about it all vicariously through me.

@PeachyKeane that's a shame. Do you think you will see him again? I agree that sex definitely gets better with time, which is why I am also not keen on ONSs. Sex with Mr Tallirish is amazing and seems to only be getting better, but we both have busy lives and kids so it's very tricky to find time to see each other. It's also why I would have been keen to see Mr Rebound again, have only slept with him once and it was surprisingly good. He has no kids so thought it would have been easier to fit him around my schedule, but think he had a lot of issues around his ex (she broke up with him) so he may not be in the right headspace for a FWB arrangement. Ah well, will see if things with Mr Pretty develop into anything.

@TwistedWonder I agree Turkey teeth are awful! Not sure what's worse, bad teeth or Turkey teeth, I tend to avoid both!

@DrinkingTooMuchPinot yes we are texting constantly and seems to be a weekly thing. It's perfect for me really, just don't want him to get hurt.

I've got a date tonight with Mr Lawyer, he seems nice but 20 years younger than me. Hopefully we will have a fun easy night.

Teeth definitely important for me too. Another reason to avoid smokers as they seem to have problems later in life with their teeth and gums.

Ooh good luck with Mr Lawyer tonight!
Mr Pretty is 15 years younger than me. I previously thought Mr Rebound was quite young, being six years younger than me, but think this thread has definitely influenced my mindset!😄

I've heard consistently from these younger men that they are very much attracted to us older women. So I'm taking full advantage 😉

@PeachyKeane - I need some advice on what you have in your profile to attract these men! I’ve got nearly zero interest from anyone remotely attractive and younger. Only two younger matches in their late 30s (so not that much younger) who aren’t even that attractive and there was zero conversation with someone who could only muster “hey gorgeous”. Sigh!

I don't know. I have a photo taken when I was at a rave and one at a festival? I have nothing showing any flesh as I don't dress like that. Nothing with filters. I don't really wear make-up. I do live in a very densely populated area perhaps there's just more men my way?

@PeachyKeane - I am in London and thought that had quite a lot of people in their 30s! I suspect I need a photo at a festival then or another event like that. I have also taken off my education and job title, too.

I'd share my profile with you but I'm not sure we can pm photos and don't want to share it publicly as too outing.

But I think I look like fun, I mainly have party photos. But that's what I'm going for.

@PeachyKeane - great advice, thank you! I need to revamp my profile along a party vibe then.

I do wonder if there’s why I get creepy men asking me if I’m a ‘nawty’ girl? All of my photos are on nights out, raves, festivals or on holiday so maybe I give the impression I’m a lot more extrovert and a party girl than I am.

Although I’m very social and love going out dancing etc with friends, that’s not what I’m looking for in a relationship. I’m definitely someone who compartmentalises areas of my life.

Funnily enough, even though I'm all about parties, raves and festivals, only one of my photos is a party one! The rest are travel related (on top of a mountain, in front a famous skyline) and formal settings - nice restaurants and a friend's wedding.

However I do find it relatively easy to meet men AT raves. That's where I met the subject of my life-deranging infatuation last year and where I met Mr Rave last month.

I have also taken off my education and job title, too.

I've got my university on my Hinge profile as it can aid conversation if you both went to the same uni. But I've never had my job title on there.

@TwistedWonder - I love that you have such an amazing social life! I really need to get some single friends who aren’t as career focused as mine and have more free time to enjoy the likes of festivals and outdoor events.

@Crushed23 - ours are pretty similar then as mine are all travel, a concert, and a wedding. I reckon I need more party vibes! Re education, I can totally see how it can be a conversation starter, but Oxbridge only seems to put off men. This recently happened to a friend of mine at a singles event where her uni came up in conversation with a few people (not sure why/how) and the guys politely left for more drinks never to be seen.

Just been chatting with a new match on Hinge (my very own Mr Rave 😂). Chat was going well and he asked me on a date this evening and I was all for it but he wanted to cook for me at his flat and I'm a bit uneasy going to someone's house on a 1st date, plus it turns out he lives a 40 minute drive from me 😭

I'd need to drive there, wouldn't be able to have a glass of wine etc. so not going ahead after all 😢

Oh, and this was a 33 year old

@occhiazzurri

Im nearly 60 so most of my friends are divorced with grown up families and have more freedom now than they have for decades.

I’ve been around the dance music scene my whole adult life on and off so have known most of the men my age since we were in our late teens/early 20’s so there’s not really an opportunity to date as it’s same faces all the time.

Making a good group of single friends has been invaluable for me as it’s made being single a really positive time and that a man is a nice to have rather than essential. Without those ladies in my life, I would have found these years being single far more difficult.

Great that we've got so many sociable ladies on the thread. Your post really resonates @TwistedWonder I love my friends and even though I'm across the pond now, I connect with several of them every day. I almost never feel lonely when I'm single and I think having great friends has been a guardrail against jumping into relationships with shit men just to have someone to do things with.

I definitely need to find some new (single) friends so that I don't end up latching onto some random unsuitable man just because I feel lonely at times.

I also don't have my job in my profile, it just says senior professional.
I get a lot of likes from younger men too. My pictures are all very natural, not much make up on, some taken outdoors, smiling in a couple of them. No revealing clothes either, no cleavage showing or anything (well maybe I would show some cleavage if I had any!😄)

This is so similar to me. Really all I need from a man now is some good regular sex 😅 my friends are completely amazing, we do so much fun stuff together. 50s definitely is the time that you get your life back a bit isn't it.

Yep sex is the only thing I’m missing really. I do envy you ladies who have FWB but I just can’t do it so it’s Love Honeys finest for me unless i find someone I actually want to get involved with and sadly that’s proving to be an impossible task

Today I've cancelled my date on Tuesday with Mr Rock, he had sent me a slightly rude photo, I'd told him I didn't want any more and I wasn't going to send him any, and yet today he asked for a photo of me from behind, in a thong. Absolutely fucking not.

I'm optimistic about Mr Psychotherapist though, I have tentative plans to see him next weekend and that feels like far more my thing.

🤦‍♀️ What was he thinking. I would have cancelled the date too.

I got a mild sext from Mr Rave today (a bit out of character - where are his traditional values now 😂) but we've already had sex so it's just flirting / maintaining interest as we're not seeing each other this weekend.

If he asked me to send him a photo of my arse, he would be told to fuck off.

I have my university on my job profile for the reasons you've mentioned.

I don't have my job title on my dating profile and never have, mainly because it has the word "Director" in it. Even in real-life conversations this seems to spark off some strange reactions, so I usually keep it vague in person and just say the sector I work in e.g. property. Men never seem to be interested in delving deeper into my career on dates than that lol

@Starseeking Yup, both the common parlance version of my job title and my actual job title would put men off, so I never put it on my profile nor mention it on dates. If I'm asked I keep it vague and say "I work in [industry]" too. If they're in the same industry they might ask for more detail, but most men don't.

Tbh the lack of interest doesn't bother me, because I find work chat really dull on dates. If we got serious and he still took zero interest, I'd be worried.