Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

shame it didn't go well but well done for leaving after one drink, I've been in situations like that and been stuck there the whole evening because I haven't known how to politely say I want to go!

@oldernotwiserffs I think you might be too nice! I just say I have to leave then leave. I recently left a date BEFORE one drink because the guy was a fucking idiot and said the cafe we were in was table service when it clearly wasn't. Conversation was dire and I was thirsty so I got up and left. 🤷‍♀️

I meant to make the quote bold there - why can't we edit posts on the app?!

@occhiazzurri are there many divorced professional men in their 30s in London? I never came across any. I don't recognise the 'engaged by 28' characterisation either!

All the weddings I've been to recently, the couples have been well into their 30s.

I do admit to living in a bit of a bubble of professionals who prioritise personal accomplishments, travel and raves/festivals, though. Stunted adolescents, basically. 😁 Maybe a more mature professional crowd is settling down in their late 20s.

I had a date that last about 15 minutes once and even that was too long.
He turned up looking like he sold the big issue, made a snidey dig about me drink driving when I had one wine and soda, told me my dress was a bit much for a daytime outfit and then sat in silence. After a few minutes, I necked my wine, said ‘this is a waste of both our time isn’t it’, stood up and left leaving him sitting staring like he couldn’t believe it.

I must admit I surprised myself but it really was just wasting our time to stay any linger.

So have a date organised with Mr Project now but it's not till next Saturday 🤷‍♀️ assuming we manage to keep chat going and interesting until then 😂

@Crushed23 wow how rude! Of him that is. Just why would a bloke that's a good idea to say those things to someone he's on a date with 🤷‍♀️

@Crushed23 - I mean people who only work and have no personal life to be honest - lawyers and bankers, so they were prioritising starting a family while working very hard. No time for travel and raves really. I don’t think there are many divorced professionals in the City - why would you give up the lifestyle of being with someone who earns high six or seven figures really? I only know two through my friends who got divorced in their late 30s.

The oldest person to get married from the male colleagues over the past five years was probably 32-33. My personal friends - all professional women- never got to that stage until 40ish so I have been to quite a few weddings but not from the same circles/large age gap/all fairly unconventional and you can probably say they just settled for someone at that stage.

@occhiazzurri I too worked in the City, and while some people did settle down in their late 20s, of course, there really were plenty who were yet to settle down in their early 30s. A late 30s man who became single certainly didn't have several women competing for his attention like he was the last man on the planet. I've never seen or heard of this. I know I'm one generation down, but I wouldn't have thought it was that different. It's interesting how we can have had such different experiences with our respective social circles. Goes to show how diverse London is, even within each industry & socio-economic group. :)

@Crushed23 let us know what he says! I hope he is amenable to a FWB situation.

@ElleintheWoods Mr Tradie is not of a similar background to me at all - I went to Oxford, he got kicked out of school and got no GCSEs. But I have relentlessly dated professionals before and none of those relationships worked out so I need to try something new. He is intelligent in a different way to me and I don't think I need someone university educated, just someone who wants the same things out of life as me and can make me laugh. I like your idea of letting him speak freely so I can find out the bad things asap - much better to find out now than later down the line!

@Crushed23 omg that is hilarious, good for you! I am too nice - once I was genuinely catfished but I went on the date anyway because I felt sorry for the guy. I need to be more ruthless!

I worked in The City from 1987 to 2010 - still work for a Wealth Management firm but in a regional office/hybrid.

In my many years I never, ever dated anyone who worked in my industry because the amount of misogynistic, disrespectful, sexist attitudes I saw as well as the ridiculously blatant cheating by so called happily married men with (almost always) much younger women in the office was off the scale.

@Crushed23 - it could be the type of institutions eg US vs British vs European. But I am literally quizzing one of my friends every time they have a new joiner - ranging from more junior to mid level to partners- and so far not a single one has been single over the two years I have know her. In my team and adjacent teams, we’ve had all the men get married over the past year or so and they are not even 30. A friend was keen to set me up with someone from her work and the only non-married male was apparently 33 so clearly too young.

@Datesandprunes - have you tried any of the sports or singles oriented events in London eg Padel social, run club, CrossFit? They seem to attract plenty of men judging by the ones I follow on Instagram.

Haha! Funny enough one of them has asked for if I now any nice single women... I tolf him I know loads but some are as far as NI! 😂

@Crushed23 @occhiazzurri yes same, I barely know anyone that settled down in their 20s, unless they came from a bit of an extreme background in terms of either being very wealthy or very poor.

Most people I know my age (35) aren't that interested in marriage, top of my head I can't think of anyone who got married before 35 from the men, and most are not married and have no plan to marry, just happy living with a partner 10+ years.

The single men I know are similar, lots of career focus, lots of travel, accomplishments, hobbies, sometimes time put into a PhD as well, they've had serious relationships but just at this point in time find themselves single. Granted, most of them aren't that bothered about having kids and a wedding, they aren't traditional, but also they are used to women being their absolute equals. So pros and cons depending on what someone is looking for.

Industries are advertising/media, tech, science.

I do find that law and finance perhaps attract slightly more traditional men that want to have a wife and children, get married etc, I guess it's a life goal. We had several uni friends in finance who were quite openly looking for a wife at 25!

But I don't think it's every man in London. It's a diverse city after all. I've stayed away from the 'looking for a wife' type all my life, so I wouldn't personally know many, I know more of the 30-45 and single sort.

I recognise the 'engaged by 28'. All of my friends were settled with people they met at university or in their first job.

In my company I have 10-15 men who are my level and 30s and all are married or in long term relationships!

You have to keep us posted on how it goes :)

I've tried similar, fell hopelessly for a guy with some GCSEs and spent about a year convincing him he was 'good enough', I got so much pushback on background difference from him even though he admitted he loved me. Mr WorkCrush is also a background difference case and again he is making a huge deal out of it. As long as the man isn't obsessed with it and doesn't overthink what 'meeting the parents' could look like etc, it can be really lovely.

I do find professionals a little tiresome now, so much focus on achievements and experiences and getting self-esteem from being 'more accomplished'. But I've got a feeling I'll be stuck with them, normal men just seem to find me too much.

@ElleintheWoods of course I will, the support here has been invaluable. Dating can be so lonely when you are the only single one among your friends so I am so grateful for this thread 😀

I did wonder if Mr Tradie would be intimidated by my background but he appears not to care so far.

I have an ex who was a high flyer professional and I did find it tiring being with him - he was never happy, always onto the next professional achievement. It's exhausting and didn't fit my values at all. The right man, professional or not, won't find you too much - it's just a case of finding him. Easier said than done, I know!

@ElleintheWoods - I completely agree with you on the fact finance attracts more traditional men etc. But where do you meet those others you mention? My friends haven’t succeeded on OLD and singles events (outside of sports clubs) were dire and mainly attended by people in their 20s or late 40s. Where are you male friends to be found in their spare time or on the weekend?

It can feel disposable, which is crap really.

I haven’t long gone back on the apps, a video call, date with an ex and an in-person date have left me really disappointed!

Ex from when I was 16, we were together a year. Just weird! Video call yesterday from someone I friend zoned - he looked nothing like his pictures and confirmed they were at least eight years old! Had a coffee date today, he was nice, perfect gent, his teeth were brown and built up, doesn’t get out much, just the opposite of me.

Should have had a date Sunday but cancelled as I said something he didn’t like yesterday, he left me on read until this morning. I called him out on it, he said he was busy. I dipped out, not having it.

Have a date on Tuesday night, and one for Friday. After that I’m done! Just not sure I can be bothered anymore.

Just back from lovely evening with Mr Indie round at his house. We basically spent the whole evening in bed having fun, with a break for a charcuterie board and nibbles at half time 😁 We are getting to know what each other likes in bed. He's an absolute sweetheart tbh. Then lying cuddling listening to music and talking as we both have the exact same taste. We've been making each other playlists. Was a most enjoyable evening ☺️

Hmmm honestly they do boy things and hang out with other men, so no wonder they’re single! Probably pub with friendship group on a Friday, seeing family at some point, football Sat afternoon if they’re into that or a gig Sat night, day trip… And Sunday brunch with me 😆 Perhaps some hiking or workouts in the mix. The more athletic ones might do a run club/ similar. In the week lots of workouts and the odd meal out etc.

They’re not really doing much where they could meet a woman, unless it’s through friends or she’s into music. Previous girlfriends have been met through friendship group, work or dating apps, or they’ve been old friends.

Thinking of men I know, only 2 make a conscious effort to meet someone, and they’re both a little bit desperate and consider anyone that’s vaguely suitable (one wants kids asap/ generally v needy and the other wants to find a partner after divorce before his libido starts declining!).

The rest are open to meeting a nice woman but after initially looking quite hard and disappointments, they embrace their hobbies, friends and enjoy their life. I think they’re on dating apps but not religiously checking it every day.

I have considered this before - although I don’t know any single men I could offer up! 🤣

This is awesome! 🤩 We should be this confident more often, and not endure pointless dates just to be polite.

Having said that, whilst it wasn’t a car crash, my date yesterday should have been lunch and coffee. I couldn’t eat as his teeth were bas, so I lied and said I wasn’t hungry, left the date within an hour. Starving!

I never considered the level of education very important as long as they were smart. I have two post-grad degrees and my exH never went to uni, but in many ways he was much smarter than me. The failure of our marriage was completely unrelated.
Saying that I have rejected quite a few men based on their occupation lately. For some reason I have received a fairly disproportionate amount of likes from postmen, not sure what's that about, but have rejected them all.

@oldernotwiserffs it can indeed be very lonely to be the only single person you know. Would love to be able to talk about dating in detail with some other singles, but don't know anyone other than one gay friend. So I am also very grateful for thus thread!
I am trying to make some new friends, and have made one new friend recently, who, whilst not single herself, has a busy social life and regularly organises events. I have signed up for two of her events, one is a dinner and drinks sort of thing, the other one is wine tasting. Both should have 30-40 people attending, and my aim is to make new friends rather than meet men in those, as I'm sure it will be mostly women attending.

@PeachyKeane sounds great! Do you think he might become another regular FWB? I'm quite jealous you're getting so much action!😄 Now that my catch up with Mr Tallirish didn't materialise I've not had sex with anyone yet this year. The last one was Mr Rebound around three weeks ago. Ah well hoping to see Mr Tallirish when I am back from my work trip. My new 32 year old Hinge connection with lush long hair and amazing cheek bones also seems promising. I will call him Mr Pretty. Hopefully can keep the conversation going whilst I'm out of the country, and meet him when I get back.

@LittleFloatingGhost I also wouldn't be able to date anyone with bad teeth. I reconnected with an old friend on Facebook last year, we had a little thing some 16 years before, but when we met up his teeth looked awful and as much as I liked him otherwise, and he was really keen, just couldn't go there because of his teeth!

As much as bad teeth are a turn off, equally i absolutely hate very obvious Turkish teeth.
The amount of older men with an immaculate set of ultra white glow in the dark gnashers on OLD is unreal.