Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@PeachyKeane

It drives me mad when they send endless selfies and ask for you to do the same. Why?

I went on a couple of dates with a guy a year or so ago who sent me a morning g selfie work a coffee, a selfie at work, a selfie in the gym etc every bloody day!!! He asked me to send him selfies and I refused - we’ve met mate you know what I look like.

I do think I’ve got so little tolerance for the nonsense involved in dating these days which is probably why I’ve been single for about 100 years. I just refuse to indulge in this silliness

I agree I don't get selfies at all. You look the bloody same in all of them 😄

I have lovely friends who do this, and wherever they go there, they are, you can't see the view or monument or whatever. Just their grinning faces looking exactly the same every time.

@PeachyKeane - Mr Lawyer sounds promising!

My Mr Lawyer is into extreme sport like very other man on Hinge - he does Hyrox races so I will see if I can match the intense sports activity!

I was thinking of signing up to Hyrox events - good to hear single men do them!

It's a shame you feel your job puts men off. I work in a male dominated field too and there was a female partner in my old team in London who was perpetually single, and I wonder if it's because men she's interested in are put off by her job. Depressing if that's the case. However there was another female partner who remarried in her 50s with 3 kids to a man with no kids who had never been married. So there are obviously some men who aren't put off by high earning, accomplished women.

So I say keep looking! And as @PeachyKeane suggests, have some fun along the way. There must be heaps of men in their 20s and 30s willing to have a fling with an older woman.

@Crushed23 - yes sports seems to be the way to go to meet single men. Let me know how you find it- I am reasonably fit/go to the gym but Hyrox sounds fairly intense for me to sign up to!

I think I will need new photos showing a lot of cleavage and skin to be able to attract those on OLD. I’ve sent out so many likes to those with no matches so I suspect my profile is too serious for casual fun. Will try at some work drinks to meet someone younger soon!

And the good thing about casual fun is you can just go for the hottest men, as you don't have to fret about red flags or worry about being compatible longterm.

Mr Rave was cool when I turned down his offer of late night fun tonight and we're meeting next weekend. I have a date with someone from Tinder tomorrow night that I am not particularly enthused about, but he has picked a really nice bar not too far from where I live (shows some thought...) so I'll give him a chance.

I have got to tell Mr Rave that I want to keep things casual and be FWBs.

He sent me an itinerary of where he wants to take me on our next date - essentially a little tour of his home town and state, over 2 days so it includes staying over at his house and presumably meeting his parents (who he lives with)?! 😐

It's all lovely, but the kind of thing you might plan for a potential girlfriend?

Ugh, I was hoping we could have another bar hopping date where I could tell him I am not after anything serious, in a relaxed setting.

Do I break the news to him over text? I'm worried he'll take it to heart and not want to see me again. ☹️

@Crushed23 - Mr Swede is very hot indeed but our date and conversation has now died. Clearly those men are in so much demand that I will need to join the queue!

Your date tomorrow sounds fun and shows a man of action. Mr Lawyer is still thinking about where to go next Wed so I’ve given him until the end of the weekend or I might have to find a place if I actually want to meet…

Oh wow that sounds very intense!! You’d also wonder why he is so keen - obviously aside from the fact that you’re super amazing and he should be appropriately keen!! - meeting parents on 2nd date is a bit much, isn’t it? Unless it’s purely as a friend and he’s very casual with his parents?

You need to tell him I think.

I had a guy ask me on a weekend away abroad after a few weeks and that made me uncomfortable. He turned out to be completely normal as I’ve got to know him over time but too keen at the start makes me question ‘what’s wrong that you’re so eager?’

Oh it seems to be a well known issue unfortunately. I keep reading ‘they don’t care about your career’ online whenever that topic comes up, as in, it’s not impressive for a man if a woman is senior at her job and financially sorted.

It really annoys me and I struggle with it to be honest, as that’s hugely been my experience. The only 2 guys I’ve really properly had feelings for this past 5 years have both gone ‘someone like you would never be with someone like me long-term’ etc etc. Same 2 guys currently also text me every day, I see the way they look at me/ hug me and linger, they’ve not dated anyone else since… And yet they chose to not give us a proper chance as they think it wouldn’t work, because of their parents, background, salary etc…

Sometimes I’m just tempted to marry someone filthy rich whom I don’t love just to prove a point, although I’m not sure what that point would even be!! Would probably proving those guys right 😂

No dates for this weekend as yet but I am hoping something will materialise 🤞

No word from Mr Construction since we chatted on Monday night and im not chasing so that's that.

Was chatting to 2 matches from hinge last night and today as well. Mr Data (38) and Mr Project (51) so kinda hoping at least 1 of them will morph into a date at some point. The 38 year old is hot! The 51 year old looks decent for his age. Both a bit shorter than I'd like (5ft 6) but since I'm a short arse I'm trying not to rule out perfectly nice men just cause they're not 6ft tall 😂

Got a bit of banter and flirting going with Mr Project last night while conversation with Mr Data not flowing quite so well and I'm struggling to get my flirt in with him 🤔 😂

Wish they both would just get on and suggest meeting up!

Im on my way to Mr Planner now and wishing I could just go home instead! Not sure if it's him or me just too lazy to date! I've only done about 5 online dates before but I've never been excited about one... normal?

Nothing exciting to report from here either. Packing for my work trip, Mr Tallirish is still on lemsips so not gonna see him now until after my trip. Talking to someone new from Hinge in between packing, he has the most amazing long hair and cheek bones to die for. And he's 32... Perhaps a bit too pretty but we'll see if the conversation takes off.

Let us know how it goes!

Hmmm no I can’t say I’ve ever gone ‘I can’t be bothered to go on this date’. However I do quite like meeting new people and socialising and see dating very much as that, spending time with someone whose company I enjoy.

Do you experience a distinct lack of excitement both before and after? Do you maybe have too much going on/ too tired from daily life to date? Too many options and boredom of them, perhaps?

Well Mr Planner was a no. Gave it one drink but he didn't ask me a single question!

@ElleintheWoods I think I'm just only matching with people I've swiped yes on as a 'meh why not' rather than someone I really fancy so that's the issue

@Crushed23 @DrinkingTooMuchPinot @ElleintheWoods @PeachyKeane thank you for all your thoughts. I am feeling wary because I don't want him to only want to see me because I am a good listener, I want him to still be seeing me as potential girlfriend material, but I appreciate him being open and real with me - my last boyfriend didn't show his true self until well into the relationship and I was in too deep at that point. Haven't heard from Mr Tradie today so I don't know what the plan for our date is but I sent the last message and I don't want to put pressure on so I will wait and see. If the date goes ahead I will assess - I'm hoping it does happen and that there can be a mixture of him offloading but also some fun and laughter too. I was talking to two other guys - one on hinge and one on bumble and I felt it was going well but they have disappeared now 🙁

@PeachyKeane let us know how you get on tonight, sounds like fun!

@Crushed23 oh wow, Mr Rave is very keen! I would just send him a message over text, at least then it will be done and you won't be worrying about it.If he doesn't want to see you again it will only be because you are looking for different things and it's kinder for him to find out now than later down the line.

@Datesandprunes shame it didn't go well but well done for leaving after one drink, I've been in situations like that and been stuck there the whole evening because I haven't known how to politely say I want to go!

Yep. I find the whole process really tedious. I don’t get excited or nervous, I’m pretty meh before I go.
That's me generally though, I don’t really feel particularly enthusiastic about anything beforehand and it’s a great buzz to be pleasantly surprised when things turn out well.

I do wonder with me it’s because I’ve never really done the whole dating thing before. My previous partners including my ex H were people I knew socially before we started dating and it evolved naturally. I’ve never done the eyes meeting in a bar and going out for a date thing. It just all seems quite an awkward process to me and OLD in particular is just a bit hard work.

Do you talk to them much before the dates/ gauge if they’d be good company?

It sounds like maybe you need to go on less dates but only bother with people that actually excite you. Unless you enjoy going on dates… but it doesn’t sound like you do!

So what was the conversation about? Did he just go in about himself?

Well done for cutting the date short when you wasn’t feeling it. I think a lot of women sit through dull tedious dates just to be polite

@ElleintheWoods this was a breeze date so no talking first.

This is only my second date this time on OLD! Last time was about 2 years ago and I did 3 then. I just find it a chore and also very demoralising 😂 I'm a 30s woman with a great job and own home in London, reasonably attractive (I think!) and can't meet anyone I fancy. It's not great 😂

@oldernotwiserffs I’ve given your dilemma a bit more thought… Certainly let him talk and get comfortable, it allows you to get to know him. Sounds a bit sneaky but it’s good to let people let their guard down early.

I went on a couple of dates with a guy that started opening up pretty quickly… He opened up about his complex dynamic with his ex, and his previous ex, and how he used to do hard drugs… And a few other things.

Each to their own but always better to find these things out early rather than a couple of years in!

Argh what is it with attractive wealthy women not being able to meet anyone decent! Drives me nuts!

How much do you date in your ‘circle’, ie men with similar background/ level of professional accomplishment? While we are saying men don’t care about that, my London male friends all want a woman at their level/ maybe even a bit higher. In fact I hear from men that some are getting a bit frustrated not finding anyone with a similar career/ financials to date, although these particular men are in the provinces with me.

@ElleintheWoods @oldernotwiserffs Yes, it's definitely intense but I think this is just what dating is in his world? Making an effort, planning dates, sharing his life early on. Wooing a woman, basically. Goes hand in hand with his traditional values. I don't think he means staying over as a friend, and frankly I don't want to have sex in someone's parents' house. Literally haven't done that since I was 16!

I think I'm going to suggest a toned down date. Maybe a day of hanging out in his home town (and NOT meeting his parents) then getting the train back to mine. I will definitely tell him where I stand so I don't mislead him, and he can decide if he wants to continue as FWB or not.

I'm actually going to miss him a bit this weekend 😂 Not that I'm getting attached already (at least I hope not!), but it's a long weekend here and it would have been nice to spend some time with him, even just lunch or something. But alas, he lives too far away for that.

@ElleintheWoods - my single 30s friends (32-35) will tell you that there are just no single men in their professional circles in London, they were all coupled up in their mid to late twenties and the few rare divorcees are dating women in their 20s or just dating around. They go to conferences, networking events etc but that’s the reality. This is actually the fist time in five years that I have met someone single around my age at work (mid 40s), everyone else I have worked with was engaged by age 28 and married/with kids by early 30s. A late 30s male colleague of a friend of mine became single a few months ago and she had four single friends and at least a few more colleagues at work all competing for his attention. He actually went for someone outside his professional circle in the end.

@ElleintheWoods want to set me up with these men?! Maybe that's how the dating thread should work!

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