Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@TwistedWonder I'm jealous you are in a whatsapp group for single ladies! I have a couple of individual friends I occasionally chat about dating with, but one is a gay man (his adventures are much wilder than mine!!😄) and the other is in an open marriage so not quite the same. I sometimes send screenshots to my coupled up friends for laughs too, but they probably secretly feel sorry for me for having to endure online dating!

On a separate note, I've seen a massive shift in dating apps and everyone's approach to dating in general – there's far more of a push for real life dating and getting online dating offline... thing is, I'm so used to using apps that pretty much survive on people never meeting and dragging out conversations (I'm looking at you, Tinder), that I'd almost feel awkward going straight on a date with limited chit-chat beforehand – e.g. FindingTheOne and Breeze. Just me?

No. I'm old school. Seems pointless spending weeks texting and never meeting. Especially as the aim is dating after all. If you meet and there's no connection then it's been a complete waste of time.

I'd rather text a few times then meet up to see if I like them.

Hmmm, I haven't tried breeze (or even heard of it till now 😂).

Im someone who likes to get a date in the diary sooner rather than later......not interested in spending weeks chatting etc, however, I do want some chat before I agree to a date. Just a day or 2.....just enough to get a feel for them, whether they're flirty etc.

I'm the same. 1-2 days of chatting on the app. Move the chat to whatsapp mainly to arrange the date. A text on the day to check the date is still on.

I walk away / unmatch if a date isn't arranged within 7 days of matching.

I prefer a couple of days messaging before planning a date just to get a feel of the person first.

I only arrange dates for weekends so it may be more than a week but there has to be something planned otherwise it’s a waste of time.

Sounds like we are all on the same page here really. The aim is a hot date ultimately after all. Not a virtual pen pal.

OMG - I’ve just seen a guy who my friend dated and who harassed her after she ended it on Bumble! She reported him to the police and did a Claire’s Law on him which came back that there have been previous reports and he’s known to police.

Pity any poor women who get a date with him

I responded to Mr Dress earlier today (just for a laugh) with "the type that makes me look fabulous 😂"

His response ......."which is? Details?"

What a weirdo! I was re looking over his profile and under "my healthy obsession is" it says "a lady wearing an elegant silken dress of pastel colour" (in block capitals no less) but I'm 100% sure that wasn't there originally when I swiped on him..........I would have noticed the shouty capitals 🤷‍♀️

Ah right. I'll do that tonight!

This is essentially a whatsapp group for single women! (With the odd male invader ☹️)

That's weird @finallyaskedfordivorce he obviously has some sort of fetish or is trying to recreate an ex or someone who has rejected him. I would avoid!

I also agree with you all on serial texters. What is the point? Time consuming and no reward for anyone.

@TwistedWonder I'm interested that you are looking for serious not casual. I mean, obviously people coupling up in committed relationships is the norm. But at our age, have most of us not established our lives and aren't prepared to do all the compromising that's required to move someone in - or move in with someone?

Also, I at least have become pretty jaded about relationships and their likelihood of success. I don't really think it's possible to maintain a satisfactory level of happiness with someone long term. The first few years yes, but then it inevitably goes downhill and the rule of diminishing returns kicks in and the more effort you make the less and less you seem to get back - no matter how wonderful it is at first. My last long term relationship started out brilliantly, zero red flags, few years of genuine happiness. But even that soured eventually. But perhaps that's just me and I am either an old cynic or I am the red flag!!

Do you believe there's someone out there that you could spend the rest of your life with happily? Maybe I should be less cynical and open myself up to reconsidering that as a possibility.

@OchreHedgehog I'm with you I'm afraid. It's me, I tend to get bored of men quickly. I was thinking earlier I was always a tomboy growing up, and I seem to have quite a masculine ability to separate sex and emotions. So this new dating lark suits me down to the ground. I'm loving having a smorgasbord of different men available for my delectation 😄😁😆

@OchreHedgehog

Im not looking to cohabitate again but I definitely don’t want a hook up or FWB. It’s just not me, casual sex isn’t right for me at all. I need to feel a connection to even kiss someone, let alone get naked.

I was married for 27 years and we split amicably. My ex H and me are still really good friends and so I don’t possibly have the cynicism that others who have had less positive relationships have.

Id love to maybe have had a casual thing or two by now but its just not how my mind and body work so it really is as black and white as single until i meet someone else want a relationship with- in our own separate homes.

I'd find that a little bit weird too...

I'm all about IRL but if you meet someone IRL, you'll have a face to face conversation, it piques your interest, then text a bit in between, and then meet again. So that's the pattern I'm used to.

Just meeting a stranger without having met before and without having chatted, I'm not sure... Being able to talk about various subjects at length, great texting skills, is like my love language 😅So I do want to see this in a man before deciding 'oh yes they are quite interesting'.

The latest guy got my attention properly when he asked me for my opinion on something I was passionate about, I wrote a proper paragraph and half expected him to reply 'interesting' or something like that. He wrote a very well reasoned paragraph back. I was hooked before but that made me go 'wow, he's definitely got my attention'.

I'm probably one of those annoying people that wants to chat quite a bit and dig deeper before meeting.

@TwistedWonder that's really interesting.

I am like @PeachyKeane in that I definitely don't need an emotional connection to have and enjoy sex with someone.

And funnily enough I was a tomboy as a child too. I sometimes wonder if I'd have been transed if I was young now as I was boyish looking, didn't like dolls or dresses. I don't have children and never wanted them. I have always been pretty level headed and unemotional except that I can be moody and am always told I'm very 'assertive' - ie confident but also maybe a bit aggressive at times. I have a pretty high powered job and I'm very good at it. I dress very feminine when I'm at work or out. But then revert to dirty jeans, gardening gloves and boots at home.

Men love my polished look, confidence and lack of emotional reaction to most things. Then they usually start to realise that what they thought they wanted- intelligent woman who will challenge them- isn't actually what they want at all and they prefer someone who is more traditionally feminine and caring, agreeable and nurturing. And realise that isn't me and go off me!!

I do also wonder if I perhaps I am bi or even gay! But haven't ever felt drawn to that so have assumed I'm not. I wonder if I should try it to find out for sure.

We are so similar! Men always love me and see me as a challenge then they hate it and try to control me.

I would have so loved to be able to be a boy and would have totally been transed as a child.

I maybe should state categorically that I do not think I was born in the wrong body/ that I'm a man. I'm a woman. I'm very happy? with that - if you can in fact be 'happy' with something that just is what it is! I feel much more like/ similar to/ solidarity with other women, than I do with men- even those who are much more traditionally feminine than me. I find men sexually attractive and like some of them, but as a class I'm not really all that fussed about them and all the problems they cause with their warring ways!

But @PeachyKeane if we'd been transed, then we would have been expected to fancy women. I still fancy men. And I definitely don't fancy gay men or effeminate men. I am all about the A types!!

Oh god it would have been a disaster. As soon as I went through puberty I realised I wanted to fuck men, not be one 😅

I am very sexual. Love snogging etc. As much as possible please. And I love the hardness, firmness and masculinity of a man. I'm almost submissive in bed.

I have so many amazing female friends. They're so much more reliable and nurturing than men. But I really do not fancy any of them at all.

Jesus @PeachyKeane I think you actually are me!! 😆

@LaBrasseria2024 I have PMed you re a possible hit in our locality! [polishes medals and looks smug at one's own achievement!!]

Well, I hope I have PMed you as my tech skills aren't what they used to be. It will be rather embarrassing if I have created a public message/ thread instead of a PM because I've named him and directed you to find an online photo of him! 😆

So I am pondering about Mr Tradie. He is 38 and the longest relationship he has had was 2 years, he has never lived with a partner although says he wants to settle down. We are close to a big city so people do tend to settle down later. Am wondering if he is a commitment-phobe but then again people can have been in a relationship for years and years with no intention of properly committing (my ex for example!) so perhaps it's not a good measure?

@oldernotwiserffs - I don’t think it is the case that people settle in their late 30s in big cities necessarily. The most desirable men eg single professionals are mainly coupled up and living with someone by early 30s or mid 30s mainly. Could it be that he hasn’t been in a place - whether financially or otherwise- to settle down? Given the cost of living, I can imagine this is an issue for a lot of people.

I know people who had never lived together with a partner and are now happily married, with and without kids - in fact two friends. You will need to give it some time to see if there are real commitment issues or not.

@occhiazzurri also perhaps he has never met the right person? You are right that I need to give it time but I kind of feel like time isn't on my side because I'm 34 and want to have a family. I do need to learn to be more patient and not read into things though.

I think I am somewhere between you @PeachyKeane / @Ochrehedgehog and @TwistedWonder , I would like to meet someone eventually, but not in a good headspace for that right now so prefer to keep things casual. I was also a tomboy as child and hated wearing dresses!
So far based on my experience with the Mr Tallirish it's much easier to keep things fresh when things are casual. I don't see him very often but when I do it's amazing, and think a big part of it is that whilst we chat almost daily, we don't do stuff together, just message a lot and have hot sex. No need to discuss who's gonna pop over to Tesco's to get something for dinner or anything like that.

Eek I just accepted a like from a 28-year old and he's being very chatty! Am I entering a dark place here?!🤔😁