My boyfriend of 10 years is depressed and wants to be single again?

[Nicola6410]

We have 2 children and live together. Been together coming up 11 years and now he says he wants to be free and single, no responsibility and be care free to do as he wants when he wants. I have no family left near me so my only option would be to move 400 miles away to be with family for support meaning my whole life would change, job, school, house etc. He had been quiet for a few months and then dropped this bombshell on me yesterday. We were supposed to be buying a house, everything was ready to go. I know he's only going to go downhill as he wants to party and be a teenager again. He is 32. He says his mind is made up about this and that's what he wants to do. Should I try to change his mind or just go? Iv been with him since I was 19 and we have been through so much. I love him and don't want to go. I was happy and didn't see anything wrong but he says he is depressed and his new moto is you only live one. HELP. IM GOING OUT OF MY MIND

Is he saying he doesn’t want to be responsible for his children?

You can’t make him stay if he wants to go. Does he still want to be a parent to his children?

Err, he has 2 children he can NEVER be carefree with no responsibilities. But personally, I'd let him go. He'll regret it in time, I'm sure when you've met another man who will spend more time with his kids than him. My cousin's husband did this to her, decided he wanted to be single 2 kids later. He's selfish, you won't be able to change his mind. Move closer to your family for support and get on to CM people for money off him.

He says he will try to help with the children where I am working etc but I don't think he will as his plan is to 'go wild and enjoy himself'

?

He's met someone else. Tell him to fuck off.

You need to leave him and make custody and maintenance plans through official channels. Do not let him get away with just walking out.

This is about to be the shittest time of your life but you’ll see in years to come that you are well rid. He sounds pathetic, and whatever women/friends are happy to associate with a deadbeat ‘go crazy’ party dad in his 30s are welcome to him.

Let him go @Nicola6410 contact CMS immediately

100%. Depressed and seeking something different always turns out to be someone different, usually younger.

So sorry
but only option more to where there is love and support
he will regret this I hope in time but too late
what a knob … the love would drain from me if my oh said this bollocks

I'd bet my house on it

If he has depression this an actual illness!
Has he seen a doctor? If he refuses then you have no choice but to let him go, but it would be kind at least to urge him to seek help.

How old are the children?
Suggest 50/50 for the children. See what he says…

What a dickhead. Christ.

Please inform him that you will seeking maintenance from him.

And that you will be telling your dcs exactly what their father has said and that he basically can't be bothered with any of you any more.

So many utter fucktards in the world.

He can't choose to leave his children. He can't say he's going to 'try to help you'.

He is equally responsible for parenting your children. He can choose to leave you relationship if he isn't happy, but he needs to discuss with you how he's going to manage 50% of the parenting.

I'm saying this in the knowledge that I bet he does nothing like 50%, and I bet he intends to do even less once he leaves to pursue his teenage years again.

You'll be better off without him, I suspect. But he needs to understand he can't elect to stop being a father.

Bit young for this mid-life crisis.

I am so sorry he has dropped this on you. You have learned who he really is and will need to act accordingly. Make concrete plans for you and your children. I can understand you must feel very sad and disappointed, Sending a hand hold.

The kids are 8 and 9. I called NHS for him to talk about the depression and got him an urgent doctor appointment. They gave him cetraline pills but he hasn't been taking them. I'm just so scared about starting over in a strange place. I live in Scotland always have and will potentially be moving near London. It's just such a big change but up here I have no support, only had him. I would stay but I have no support to watch the children whilst I work etc

Why can't he watch the children while you work?

Why are (some) men such absolute tools?

@Nicola6410 so sorry this has happened to you. Contact the child support people today as he has broken up the relationship, take your share of any joint money NOW and make sure you and the kids are ok. Don’t rush into a big move if you don’t really want to, contact universal credit, see what you are entitled to, and don’t make his life ANY easier. No favours, no laundry, no letting him stay. He wants to be young free and single, on he goes, but he doesn’t get any of the benefits of living in a family (including the family home).

I feel he won't watch them because he says he missed out on his teenage years as he was in a relationship with someone when he was 15 until 20 then met me 6 months later. He moved in with an older woman at 15 and kind of settled down so he feels he lost out on those crazy teenage years, now all of a sudden he wants that now. I work weekends and weekdays so if he goes out on a Saturday night he won't be there to watch the kids on a Sunday morning. No chance

Tell him he isn’t. That he has two children and will be having them 50/50 including childcare costs and working.

Alternatively he will be paying CMS an having every other weekend and a night in the week.

He’s an arse and he can’t turn time back. He can dump you but not his kids.

Cherchez la femme.

What an absolute knobber, so sorry he's turned out like this and is doing this to you OP. If you can get hi m to speak to a GP or get some help, maybe speak to his own family about this then perhaps they can give him a shake and wake him up a bit if it is just depression. As others have said it could be a new woman as well. In many ways you will likely be better off without him than trying to coax a reluctant father into engaging with family life. So many men are like this and think they can just nope out of their responsibilities its sickening and sometimes hard to see why any women trust men at all by having children with them.