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Original poster

My boyfriend of 10 years is depressed and wants to be single again?

151 replies

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:03

We have 2 children and live together. Been together coming up 11 years and now he says he wants to be free and single, no responsibility and be care free to do as he wants when he wants. I have no family left near me so my only option would be to move 400 miles away to be with family for support meaning my whole life would change, job, school, house etc. He had been quiet for a few months and then dropped this bombshell on me yesterday. We were supposed to be buying a house, everything was ready to go. I know he's only going to go downhill as he wants to party and be a teenager again. He is 32. He says his mind is made up about this and that's what he wants to do. Should I try to change his mind or just go? Iv been with him since I was 19 and we have been through so much. I love him and don't want to go. I was happy and didn't see anything wrong but he says he is depressed and his new moto is you only live one. HELP. IM GOING OUT OF MY MIND

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 10/01/2025 15:10

Nevergettheusername · 10/01/2025 14:48

Oh wow…gosh how stressful

if he moved in with a women at 15 to a sexual relationship it sounds like he has been groomed and abused

Show quote history

This is it. And then has subsequently moved between women consistently without ever addressing who he is outside of sexual attachment to women let alone the trauma of the experience.

it’s very worrying that it’s all described as a normal thing. What he’s done is wrong but i feel very sad for him if this is the case.

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 10/01/2025 15:12

Unusually for these situations, I wonder if there is another woman or shit is just getting a bit real with a house purchase about to go through and he's been cowardly about saying it's not what he wants earlier. It sounds as if he's had some issues with the whole older woman scenario, which is clearly not right.

However, none of that changes the fact that he's about to wash his hands of you lot and re-live his youth, and you should do what you need to do to protect you and your children.

Starlight1984 · 10/01/2025 15:12

I know he's only going to go downhill as he wants to party and be a teenager again.

He says he is depressed and his new moto is you only live one.

Huh? None of that makes sense? He's either depressed or wants to be single and go out and party? The two completely contradict each other.

Polecat07 · 10/01/2025 15:12

What a total bastard to think he can just opt out AFTER bringing new life into this world, not once, but twice!
Wouldn't the time for introspection have been before creating entirely dependent little humans?
Sorry, that's not very helpful OP, I'm just so aghast daily at the posts on here about careless fucker men.
Prioritise yourself and your children, do not let him off the hook, call this what it is, regularly and mercilessly, to him.
I don't mean chase him, God no, but don't buy all this depression and poor me I didn't get to attend enough parties as a teen bullshit.
Remind him of his responsibility to his children and what a pathetic worm he is to put himself and these 'needs' over them (not to mention what all this is doing to you). He dare call himself a man.
Show him this thread, please.

Bananalanacake · 10/01/2025 15:15

If he isn't insisting on 50/50 contact he's just another deadbeat dad. They're his responsibility as much as yours.

Snorlaxo · 10/01/2025 15:16

I agree with the others. If you split, you’ll find out about another woman and he will do that cheater’s thing of fudging the timelines so it looks like he did nothing wrong. Even though he’s saying the right thing about feeling like he’s missing out (the 5 year relationship at 15 sounds dodgy as fuck) , I bet he’ll move in with someone else rather than do the right thing and live alone to work on himself and be a good father too.

I agree that the trying to be there for the kids is a lie and you need to make any future plans that are convenient for you and the kids. I’m really sorry

Gcsunnyside23 · 10/01/2025 15:18

I absolutely think another woman will appear out of the woodwork soon but if it's down to depression then there is nothing you can do as he won't help himself. You took him to the doctor's, you can force-feed him the tablets so now you protect your kids, they are the priority. He's going to grenade all your lives, make sure he knows everything that happens from the second you leave is on him and then kick him out. Thank god you didn't get the house finalised. Have you told him your plan to move away?

Startinganew32 · 10/01/2025 15:19

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:26

I feel he won't watch them because he says he missed out on his teenage years as he was in a relationship with someone when he was 15 until 20 then met me 6 months later. He moved in with an older woman at 15 and kind of settled down so he feels he lost out on those crazy teenage years, now all of a sudden he wants that now. I work weekends and weekdays so if he goes out on a Saturday night he won't be there to watch the kids on a Sunday morning. No chance

How much older? That sounds quite disturbing actually.

Pumpkinpie1 · 10/01/2025 15:21

I think OP you need to focus on yourself and your children. You need somewhere to live , can you afford to buy on your own , it sounds as if you’re the one working?
How close are you to your family , moving from Scotland to near London where the house prices are a lot higher if you don’t have a support network might be a mistake?
Are houses cheaper where you are in Scotland?
Speak to your family , a close friend. Check what benefits you are eligible for ? File for CMS - your priority is your children not pandering to the whims of your EX

Dont give him the benefit of the doubt , you don’t have the luxury of opting out of parenting. Your children are depending on you x x x
,

VoltaireMittyDream · 10/01/2025 15:23

@Bewareofthisonetoo
Come on. If he wants to be single he can bloody well seek help for himself for whatever ails him.

It’s not the job of the jilted partner and mother of his soon to be abandoned children to sort his fucking mental health problems.

thepariscrimefiles · 10/01/2025 15:29

What a juvenile, self-centred twat he is. Does he work? I thought that he might not have a job if you are working weekdays and weekends. If he leaves, where is he going to live?

I agree with other posters that there is probably another woman on the scene.

Why does he think that he can just jettison all his responsibilities, including his own children, because he missed out on the single life when he was a teenager? Time for a reality check.

Magamom · 10/01/2025 15:30

why are you with someone who hasn’t proposed? You wasted 10 years on him, don’t waste anymore. He sounds like a man child.

thepariscrimefiles · 10/01/2025 15:32

Bewareofthisonetoo · 10/01/2025 14:14

If he has depression this an actual illness!
Has he seen a doctor? If he refuses then you have no choice but to let him go, but it would be kind at least to urge him to seek help.

I think the time for OP to be kind to him has passed. He's going to be living the life of riley while OP shoulders sole responsibility for their children. She won't have time to worry about him.

torreli · 10/01/2025 15:33

He's found someone else.

ClemmyTine · 10/01/2025 15:35

Tell him that unfortunately you have had the same ideas and want to be wild and single, so he will have to have the kids.

What a prat.

ginasevern · 10/01/2025 15:40

He's depressed alright. Depressed at the thought of buying a house and having two kids to raise. Stop worrying about him OP. He's just yet another selfish bloke who is terrified of being permanently tied down. There is also the chance that he's met someone else. Revisiting his teenage years could actually mean that he's had his head turned by a teenager! Either way, get rid of him. This will only rear it's ugly head again at some point in the future.

How come you've lived your entire life in Scotland but only have support in London?

MrsIcandothis · 10/01/2025 15:43

grimmeeper · 10/01/2025 14:13

I'd bet my house on it

Show quote history

Damn right. Me too!

grimmeeper · 10/01/2025 15:46

Christ imagine the flack women would get if we did this shit
I mean I do know of occasions when it's happened but it's deffo the minority

404ErrorCode · 10/01/2025 15:51

We have 2 children and live together. Been together coming up 11 years and now he says he wants to be free and single, no responsibility and be care free to do as he wants when he wants

Oh, how nice of him to decide this after you build a life and have kids with him. 🙄

Sorry OP, I also think he has another woman waiting in the wings. Do what he wants reads to me as shag around and not parent. Asshole.

Original poster
Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 15:52

For everyone asking he was 15 and the older woman was 28 I think. He also had thyroid cancer in 2019 and its kinda played on his mind as he struggled alot with health anxiety. Now as I'm writing this I suppose that could be where the you only live once moto has came from but still he shouldn't be acting like this surely. You still can't abandon your family. Everyone's life is short not just his which is what I told him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 15:54

My mum and sister live down south. I stayed with my dad and grandparents up in Scotland as a child until now but they all passed away last year. Which is even more hurtful that he knows I have no family left in Scotland and this is when he decides he's had enough

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 10/01/2025 15:54

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:09

He says he will try to help with the children where I am working etc but I don't think he will as his plan is to 'go wild and enjoy himself'

Well he can’t, can he, he has children to support and care for. Does he have parents who would talk to him about responsibilities?

TwistedWonder · 10/01/2025 15:55

Redrosesposies · 10/01/2025 14:12

He's met someone else. Tell him to fuck off.

Absolutely. His depression will be miraculously cured by dipping his dick into someone else.

OP - if he wants out then let him go but he has responsibilities to his DC that you need to get in place especially financially

aCatCalledFawkes · 10/01/2025 16:00

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:43

I guess. I have the deposit money for the house. Was all going to be completed in the next 10 days. Our first ever mortgaged home together but now that's all up in the air.

You need to stop this asap or consider buying the house by yourself. I know you’re hurting but you need to put you and the kids first. There is no reason that you have to move just because he’s being an idiot.

Original poster
Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 16:00

Pumpkinpie1 · 10/01/2025 15:21

I think OP you need to focus on yourself and your children. You need somewhere to live , can you afford to buy on your own , it sounds as if you’re the one working?
How close are you to your family , moving from Scotland to near London where the house prices are a lot higher if you don’t have a support network might be a mistake?
Are houses cheaper where you are in Scotland?
Speak to your family , a close friend. Check what benefits you are eligible for ? File for CMS - your priority is your children not pandering to the whims of your EX

Dont give him the benefit of the doubt , you don’t have the luxury of opting out of parenting. Your children are depending on you x x x
,

He works too while the children are at school and also at night when I'm home from work. I'm not sure I can afford the work on the new house if I was to get it alone as it does need work. It's a great house and one that I seen a future for us in. If he is out living his single life then I won't be able to work as no childcare and childminders are a fortune. I have tried that before when we both had different jobs. I have no family in Scotland but I would have help down south. I have my mum and sister down there just my dream of owning a house will be out the window as you say the house prices down there are crazy. Xxx

OP posts:
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