My boyfriend of 10 years is depressed and wants to be single again?

[Nicola6410]

We have 2 children and live together. Been together coming up 11 years and now he says he wants to be free and single, no responsibility and be care free to do as he wants when he wants. I have no family left near me so my only option would be to move 400 miles away to be with family for support meaning my whole life would change, job, school, house etc. He had been quiet for a few months and then dropped this bombshell on me yesterday. We were supposed to be buying a house, everything was ready to go. I know he's only going to go downhill as he wants to party and be a teenager again. He is 32. He says his mind is made up about this and that's what he wants to do. Should I try to change his mind or just go? Iv been with him since I was 19 and we have been through so much. I love him and don't want to go. I was happy and didn't see anything wrong but he says he is depressed and his new moto is you only live one. HELP. IM GOING OUT OF MY MIND

Can wait till his kids are older and see what an absolute dickhead this man is. If he wants to be single fine his choice. His kids come first but if he is too busy being wild make sure they know every single time he didn't show for them. Men like this do not get to have their cakes and eat it.

I am sorry you found yourself in this situation. I wouldn't make any drastic moves just yet. I agree with others there is likely to be another woman out there. He might get bored of her in 6-12 months. Then he might come back with his tail between his legs. You don't have to take him back but you might consider co-parenting if he is a half decent-dad. Can you change jobs? Get signed off sick with stress for a while? I would also discreet gather where he keeps his money and how much.

Take him at his word. Take all the money and move close to your family with the kids before he moves out of the remorseful "Mr Nice" phase and starts getting nasty, which he will at some point (and then he might try to stop you). You need to put your kids first and you need money and resources for them. He's an adult, he can sort himself out. When you've got everything in motion, put in a CMS claim.

no don’t go and uproot your family’s life. tell him to leave then. Selfish prick

I don't know if he has any family you could give a heads up op. As he has left and is acting out of the ordinary it might be worthwhile in case he spiralling or having some sort of breakdown that someone else is aware to check in on him.

He doesn't get to 'help' with the children. They are his children. Make it clear he will be having the kids half the time. And he'll have to do everything for them, himself and in the house for those times.

Funny how the ones who cheat are often extra vocal about hating cheaters. It's a tell. Like 'I'm a nice guy'.

Op, see solicitor before moving anywhere. You don't want him to be able to go 'she stole my kids and move accross country so thats why I'm not paying child support'.

Seriously though no way would I be leaving Scotland. I'd stay and do everything I could to make sure he had 50/50.

Too hungover after friday night? Too bad! Here's your kids! See you Sunday!'. He doesn't get to just shirk responsibility. Provided he has a place the kids can stay.

Again, no. He's not going to do that and OP can't make him.

Why people post this crap?

It's just not very relevant to him abandoning his family now, is it?

sounds like you are way better off without him!

Sure she can. Just drop them off and leave. Dont give him a say.

Technically he could just drop them back at hers if she is in of course tbf.

My immediate first thought.

Drop them where and leave? He might disappear. He might be in a shared house with strangers. You going to drop your young kids there and leave?
Don't talk shite.

Nobody can make him parent.

He's ready to fly the nest to find another woman he desires. All too common.

Take whatever money he has, anchor yourself to his finances (if possible) and leave him.

FFS
These are children
Do you have children?
Not a chance i’d be subjecting them to this kind of drama

And what exactly has he told his children about his decision to leave of has that fallen to you too?

What an absolute prince - let him walk. He'll be the one with huge regrets soon enough.

Stay strong OP. You've the power and wisdom of MN behind you!

"he says he wants to be free and single, no responsibility and be care free to do as he wants when he wants."
That doesn't gel with his statement that he will "help out" with the children if you are working, because it sounds like he wants to take off on a spree.

How hands on a dad is he really? Does he read to them, play with them? Take them out to the park etc...Or has he always been well meaning but a bit removed from the whole thing? Would he miss them? or they him? or is it mostly Mum who looks after them?

That would help me decide what route to take. If you think he might be a half decent co parent. But from the conflicting statements it doesn't sound too hopeful. Only you can tell how committed he is to the kids. If he's leaving just you or all of you. He does say carefree.

How soon is he planning to withdraw his parenting duties ie school pick ups when you are working? He needs to let you know what his plans are.
I think you need to take it one step at a time, before you think about uprooting, get your finances protected etc...
What's the most pressing side issue to sort out right now...housing? childcare or finances?

Why not, they're with their dad.
Would you say the same if they were left with their mum? It's no different. Surely it's his job to make sure it's a safe environment for them?

Of course it is his job to do that - doesn't mean he will though!
Children should not be used in this way and should not be "dumped" anywhere.

He's clearly a selfish twat and a deadbeat father but that's not their fault. As crap as it is, the OP needs to be the one who protects them from this, not play a game with him in which ultimately the kids are the main losers.

you’ve missed my point

dads aren’t all created equally

i would not want to just drop off two young children with this dad

110% seeing someone else! Sorry.

What a sad , pathetic, selfish fuckwit

Let him opt out , you don't need him

Let him go and live his pathetic shallow single life while all the teenagers and 20somethings laugh at what a sad wanker he is. X

And straight to CSA as well.

This is nothing to do with depression or any other health issue. I’d bet money on that.

Having been in this situation before, I can almost guarantee that he’s met someone else and has been planning to leave for a while. If he’s in a hotel, he’s not alone.

It seems to me that men don't leave their relationship unless there is someone else. Whereas a woman can leave just because she isn't happy.

I'm sorry OP. You deserve better. You are young enough to carve out a new life for yourself with someone who deserves you.

Some men are delusional.