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Original poster

My boyfriend of 10 years is depressed and wants to be single again?

151 replies

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:03

We have 2 children and live together. Been together coming up 11 years and now he says he wants to be free and single, no responsibility and be care free to do as he wants when he wants. I have no family left near me so my only option would be to move 400 miles away to be with family for support meaning my whole life would change, job, school, house etc. He had been quiet for a few months and then dropped this bombshell on me yesterday. We were supposed to be buying a house, everything was ready to go. I know he's only going to go downhill as he wants to party and be a teenager again. He is 32. He says his mind is made up about this and that's what he wants to do. Should I try to change his mind or just go? Iv been with him since I was 19 and we have been through so much. I love him and don't want to go. I was happy and didn't see anything wrong but he says he is depressed and his new moto is you only live one. HELP. IM GOING OUT OF MY MIND

OP posts:
grimmeeper · 10/01/2025 14:32

Well if he won't have the kids at all he'll have to pay the maximum child maintenance
Bet he's never even considered that
Absolute fucking prick

porridgecake · 10/01/2025 14:32

blacksax · 10/01/2025 14:28

Cherchez la femme.

Yep. I am sorry OP. It is the script.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/01/2025 14:34

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:09

He says he will try to help with the children where I am working etc but I don't think he will as his plan is to 'go wild and enjoy himself'

Trying is lying. He has no intentions.

Tel me the house deposit money is accessible to you. Move half of it NOW. And plan to move.

PassMeThePineapple · 10/01/2025 14:34

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:09

He says he will try to help with the children where I am working etc but I don't think he will as his plan is to 'go wild and enjoy himself'

Say you've thought about what he said and you've decided that you too wish to "be free and single, no responsibility and be care free to do as you want when you want." and you also wish to "go wild and enjoy yourself." Ask him what he wants to do with the kids.

Ohhbaby · 10/01/2025 14:34

Actually no I take my comment back.

porridgecake · 10/01/2025 14:37

At least he has told you before you sank your savings into a property. Make sure you safeguard your share of everything, take your name off all the bills, ensure you have copies of all important financial paperwork, dc's birth certificates.
Do not trust him an inch.
Move close to your family asap. He has no intention of parenting his children.

Nevergettheusername · 10/01/2025 14:38

Oh wow..I’m so sorry this is happening. I’ve been severely depressed at periods in my life and I would say I lost reasoning and perspective. I can remember craving to re live periods of my life and have them go right thinking that would relieve the depression. It can’t because we can’t go back. I recovered and healed with amazing long term therapy and lots of grieving the past and working on my patterns of thinking

Original poster
Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:43

I guess. I have the deposit money for the house. Was all going to be completed in the next 10 days. Our first ever mortgaged home together but now that's all up in the air.

OP posts:
Twaddlepip · 10/01/2025 14:43

Utter, utter selfish cunt. My god. Who the hell does he think he is? What sort of a father is he? He’s a total failure. I’m so sorry, OP.

Twaddlepip · 10/01/2025 14:43

Also, ‘depressed’ my arse. And if he is, it’s not the cause of his behaviour currently. Him being a selfish cunt is behind that.

grimmeeper · 10/01/2025 14:44

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:43

I guess. I have the deposit money for the house. Was all going to be completed in the next 10 days. Our first ever mortgaged home together but now that's all up in the air.

It's shit timing but also good timing
I threw my exh out just before we competed on a new house
I felt shit messing the other parties around but obviously I couldn't go through with it

Nevergettheusername · 10/01/2025 14:48

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:43

I guess. I have the deposit money for the house. Was all going to be completed in the next 10 days. Our first ever mortgaged home together but now that's all up in the air.

Oh wow…gosh how stressful

if he moved in with a women at 15 to a sexual relationship it sounds like he has been groomed and abused

oakleaffy · 10/01/2025 14:53

Aaaaaand there’s another woman.

This is so predictable.
He’s going to step into another relationship, Op.

oakleaffy · 10/01/2025 14:55

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:43

I guess. I have the deposit money for the house. Was all going to be completed in the next 10 days. Our first ever mortgaged home together but now that's all up in the air.

Thank fuck you didn’t move in with the faithless git.

LifeExperience · 10/01/2025 14:56

I bet his "depression" has a female name. It's a tale as old as time. So sorry, OP.

Hungryheart2025 · 10/01/2025 14:57

Don't feel rhat you have to move to be near family, unless thats what you want to do. You could get an aupair to look after the kids if you work irregular hours.

Also if you move so far away he'll have the perfect excuese not to see his children, while blaming you for moving away.

As others have said, it doesn't actually sound like despession, as his focus is on having fun.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/01/2025 14:57

You have the deposit money. Brilliant. Use it to move and when you find out who he has been shagging, you'll know why this happened.

Starlight1984 · 10/01/2025 14:59

Redrosesposies · 10/01/2025 14:12

He's met someone else. Tell him to fuck off.

This. They always pull out the depression / mental health card and it always turns out to be another woman.

But by saying he needs to be on his own for his "depression" it means he can trial being with the other women and then come crawling back if it doesn't work out with her once his depression is cured and he's ready to be a family again.

zeibesaffron · 10/01/2025 14:59

He isn’t depressed - he doesn’t want the responsibility of kids etc anymore, and he may (as others have said) of had his head turned.

There are no anti- depressants in the world that will stop him from being a prick!

This is so tough for you and you have decisions to make for you and the children- do not be rushed by him, take your time. This is a big shock for you - you need to process it, be kind to yourself (you have done nothing to deserve this) and plan next steps xx

Starlight1984 · 10/01/2025 15:02

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:19

The kids are 8 and 9. I called NHS for him to talk about the depression and got him an urgent doctor appointment. They gave him cetraline pills but he hasn't been taking them. I'm just so scared about starting over in a strange place. I live in Scotland always have and will potentially be moving near London. It's just such a big change but up here I have no support, only had him. I would stay but I have no support to watch the children whilst I work etc

He hasn't been taking them because he hasn't got depression OP....

poemsandwine · 10/01/2025 15:03

What's with all these men refusing to grow the fuck up?! Get him out and get money off the idiot. The manchildren piss me off so much.

poemsandwine · 10/01/2025 15:04

And yeah, he's probably not depressed. Just an arsehole.

Elasticatedtrousers · 10/01/2025 15:05

I completely agree with 'there is another woman'.

It's such a cliche.

Firstly stop worrying about him and his mental health and realise that he can not be trusted right now.

What an absolute man child.

beAsensible1 · 10/01/2025 15:07

Nicola6410 · 10/01/2025 14:26

I feel he won't watch them because he says he missed out on his teenage years as he was in a relationship with someone when he was 15 until 20 then met me 6 months later. He moved in with an older woman at 15 and kind of settled down so he feels he lost out on those crazy teenage years, now all of a sudden he wants that now. I work weekends and weekdays so if he goes out on a Saturday night he won't be there to watch the kids on a Sunday morning. No chance

Older woman at 15?? Wtf was he groomed OP? that is very worrying and seems like it might be the catalyst to what is happening now.

his behaviour now is not ok, it does feel like
he feels as if he hasn’t had any real agency on his life, going from continuous long term “relationships” he’s been running on autopilot for a long time.

I don’t know what solution there is as it seems the is determined, plan your life without him and make sure he is financially and emotionally present for his children.

Eyresandgraces · 10/01/2025 15:09

How good of him to help with his own dc.
What a Prince.

Op he's almost certainly met a young and single party girl I'm sorry to say.

I'd call his bluff and tell him you're off to party down south for a while and he can mind the dc..

Why do men think they can dump their dc like left baggage?