Unsure if woman working in shop is interested in me. (Be kind, mums)

[Niddster]

A tale as old as time, but interested in anyone's perspective.

It’s a marginally atypical situation in which I’ve (m37) done my best to not be creepy or overstep boundaries. There’s a charity shop in my town I go into most weekends, and the manager is a woman about my age. She was always friendly for the at least two years I’ve been visiting, but we didn’t talk much beyond a brief chat about something I might buy. I suppose I wasn’t really noticing her.

Then a few months ago a guitar got donated and it led to us talking about music, so I started to make more conversation with her subsequently, very aware that she works there and is to some extent obliged to make pleasant conversation in return, and not wanting to be the guy that bothers her at work.

Subsequently I’ve started going in twice most weeks, and I noticed that she was beginning - apparently - to seek me out. I would say hi if she was behind the counter, and then a minute later she’d come and work close to me and talk. This has happened enough that I started to think “hell, this is what I would do if I was interested”. I came in wearing a new coat, she complimented me on it; I bought some art, she said she’d thought of me when she was putting it on the shelf; she asked me my opinion on the provenance of an antique print, going so far as to fetch the massive thing from the back and write down the details for me to research. On a busy day recently I decided to press a little and ask if she wanted me to fetch her a coffee from the local place. She said no, but then hung around with me by the door for a few minutes chatting, and as I would turn to go she'd say something else to keep conversation going. This has continued for some time now. We have in-jokes and recurring references and everything. Anyway, now I like her quite a bit.

She’s either just a great liar in the name of customer service, naturally friendly or has some interest. I suppose there’s no harm in outright asking her out, but for the potential awkwardness of course, and being British I would implode.

Lying in the name of customer service = pretending to enjoy conversation because it's part of her job to keep customers happy. I don't think she's doing this. The signs of interest, if such they are, would be her going what seems to be some distance out of her way to talk to and spend time with me. Naturally I might have misjudged, but that's why I'm throwing the issue onto the forum.

I have been exactly that guy, also when younger. It makes me cringe to look back on, and it's why I'm trying to be more careful here.

Maybe she's not romantically interested in you but still finds you interesting for conversation.

This is great! You should ask her out for a coffee and report back.

Check out her ring finger;in the absence of a ring you could slip into the conversation "do you look out for bargains for your partner/boyfriend" or "does your boyfriend like charity shop stuff then" (I'm sure someone will have a suggestion for something more refined to say instead of my suggestions).

Once you've established if she's single ask if she'd like to meet up for a coffee/drink etc

I always think it's creepy when guys do this.

You're gonna have to risk implosion and ask her out!! Let us know what she says.

Oooh ask her out. No one will die if she says no!

Coffee date? Do it before another man does - if she is single. What are you waiting for?

I think it's fine to ask her out as long as you do it respectfully and ideally in a way you won't be overheard so not in earshot of her colleagues or other customers.

No reason why you can't offer to take her out for a coffee on her break or after she finishes work on a day that suits her. I think the key is if she says no, you take that with grace and continue to act politely as normal without letting yourself spiral over it.

Of course she maybe is just friendly and genuiney likes seeing you coming in as a regular customer who is also a friendly face but maybe isn't interested in a romantic or outside of work relationship with you. But you won't know unless you ask her. If she says no, it doesn't remotely mean she's lied to you in any way even in the name of customer service - that's a little red flag that jumped out to me in your original post and maybe something for you to reflect on why you felt the need to associate that with dishonesty.

Why do you go to a charity shop twice a week?
she sounds interested and not like she is avoiding you. Maybe leave your number and ask her but be prepared to not go back if she isn’t interested.

It sounds like she likes you!
You get on well, so why not ask her out. A daytime coffee, as others have suggested.

If that goes well, then ask her for a more date-type outing like dinner.

Dont over think it.

"Wanna go for coffee sometime?"

There, done.

Ignore the silly films that put ideas of big dinners and hot air balloons and walks along the Chomps Eliseynwhatever...
Just an easy..

"Hey, wanna go for coffee sometime?"

If she says yes, ask for her number and dial it on your phone, then she'll have yours.
If she says no, say
"No fackin worries mate" in your best Australian scent, all of a sudden, for no reason...
Which will hopefully be so out of the ordinary that there's no weird atmosphere, you laugh, and then you can move on and forget you asked..

Friendliness and attraction would both lead to hanging around to chat.
I would decline getting me coffee because I wouldn't want to trouble you, friend or crush.
If she was just friendly it's not lying. Men generally are nice when they fancy a woman but women are conditionned to be nice to everyone. The fact you'd behave like that just when you fancy a woman doesn't mean women operate like you.
Ask her to go for coffee like everyone said. Not bringing her coffee but grabbing a coffee together or lunch, your treat of course.

Hi OP. If she was working on commission eg: insurance, selling cars, estate agents I would agree that sometimes people are maybe overly friendly etc as benefits them to build rapport.
however, I don't think this would apply at a charity shop. Just a thought though the lady may not like coffee hence declined your offer of a takeaway cup ? So maybe don't ask her out for coffee just say would you like to go to ... Cafe for a drink and cake / croissant etc?
Good luck you sound a lovely guy I hope it works out for you !!

I've read this before.

Best response ever 🤣

But please OP. Ask for the coffee and report back. I'm invested now!

Ask her if she'd like to meet for coffee sometime, if she says no, say 'no problem' and have another topic up your sleeve to move onto. Don't stop going in, just carry on as normal!

Don't be Adrian Mole... ascertain if she is single, which is really easy to do. Then if she is, weigh up if you feel like pursuing a date (bearing in mind that if it backfires you might want to avoid the shop for a period of time), and act accordingly. But first see which way the land lies - I wish you luck!

It's her job - are you making donations as well as buying? Twice the need to keep you on side.
Not only her job but her personality - of all the shops she's working in a charity shop. She could well just be being kind as she's obviously a charitable person - does she chat to other customers or just you?
I'd steer the conversation to weekends a bit more before you ask her out and see who she's hanging out with - ie. did you go with your boyfriend? - she sounds chatty, she'll just tell you.

She’s either just a great liar in the name of customer service, naturally friendly or has some interest.

It's difficult to tell, to be honest.

You're lucky though, at this time of year it's easy enough to ask,
"did you have a good Christmas? Who did you spend it with?" etc. That way you can at least find out if she's single and if she'd be open to dating again if she is.

A man once asked me out at work, having felt he'd got to know me over time. He'd asked me some career related questions, which I'd dutifully and pleasantly answered then jumped straight to, "look, you know I'm in here every week...I was wondering, would you like to go for a coffee sometime?".

Problem was, he'd never asked me if I had a boyfriend (I did...and obviously he wouldn't be at work with me, nor did I have any need to mention him to a member of the public at work!).

I was really taken aback and just answered, "erm, sorry but no..." and made an excuse about it being busy at work and having to get on now. Sometime later, months afterwards, another man dragged him back in (a friend or relative "wing man") and said "won't you at least give him your number? He's crazy about you!".

At which point I had to say, "I'm sorry, but I can't. Wouldn't go down very well with my partner!" He looked mortified. He'd obviously been holding a torch for a while and felt rejected after my initial brush off.

It was all horribly awkward. I was very nice and polite but just doing my job!

I would leave her with a note in a card with your number again you didn't want to put her on the spot but if she's single you'd love to take her for dinner and leave your number/email. She might get flustered in front of her colleagues and the other shoppers if you put her on the spot in front of them, but if you corner her just the two of you this is intimidating.

If you don't hear from her then let it go

You sound lovely, go for it.
(Don’t delay like my chap did (now 70’s) who didn’t read the body language when a gorgeous co-worker invited him back to her hotel room “for coffee” - all of 50 years ago 😂 - and he declined).

I'd say to just ask her if you fancies a coffee and a cake. If she says no, don't act all weird. If she says yes then great, but if it's a no at least you will know.