Unsure if woman working in shop is interested in me. (Be kind, mums)

[Niddster]

A tale as old as time, but interested in anyone's perspective.

It’s a marginally atypical situation in which I’ve (m37) done my best to not be creepy or overstep boundaries. There’s a charity shop in my town I go into most weekends, and the manager is a woman about my age. She was always friendly for the at least two years I’ve been visiting, but we didn’t talk much beyond a brief chat about something I might buy. I suppose I wasn’t really noticing her.

Then a few months ago a guitar got donated and it led to us talking about music, so I started to make more conversation with her subsequently, very aware that she works there and is to some extent obliged to make pleasant conversation in return, and not wanting to be the guy that bothers her at work.

Subsequently I’ve started going in twice most weeks, and I noticed that she was beginning - apparently - to seek me out. I would say hi if she was behind the counter, and then a minute later she’d come and work close to me and talk. This has happened enough that I started to think “hell, this is what I would do if I was interested”. I came in wearing a new coat, she complimented me on it; I bought some art, she said she’d thought of me when she was putting it on the shelf; she asked me my opinion on the provenance of an antique print, going so far as to fetch the massive thing from the back and write down the details for me to research. On a busy day recently I decided to press a little and ask if she wanted me to fetch her a coffee from the local place. She said no, but then hung around with me by the door for a few minutes chatting, and as I would turn to go she'd say something else to keep conversation going. This has continued for some time now. We have in-jokes and recurring references and everything. Anyway, now I like her quite a bit.

She’s either just a great liar in the name of customer service, naturally friendly or has some interest. I suppose there’s no harm in outright asking her out, but for the potential awkwardness of course, and being British I would implode.

OP has given some very terse and sweary responses here. You haven't given a very good impression of yourself @Niddster

You're making a number of assumptions around the fact that I don't know her relationship status. Of course I've asked her about herself! We talk, after all. Funnily enough one of her colleagues asked if I was single when I went in and the first woman wasn't there. Read into that what you will.

Dating, or establishing the date, isn't simple. You know it as well as I do. That's why there's countless whining posts like mine all over the internet. On paper it's simple; in reality, way less so.

Sweary? I swear, nothing wrong with that, but terse is perhaps explained by people accusing me of being a dreadful person on the basis of... honestly, I'm still not sure. Someone thought my post title was demanding women behave in a certain way, for fuck sakes. Idiocy.

I won't read anything into another woman asking you your marital status, that could be for any or all sorts of reasons.

I have not had a problem dating, and I do not use OLD also I'm biologically old enough to be your Mom so I have long experience of asking people out and being asked out myself with occasional breaks when I am in a LTR. On occasions there is crossed wires and occasional set backs but it's never stopped me from asking a man out if I feel it's right or letting him know I was interested if he was more traditional in outlook, some still are.

It really is that simple not just on paper but in RL as well.

The worst she can do is say no, she might still be flattered you asked.

Hmmmm. Posting quite a lot in the early hours of the morning, frequent visitor to the charity shop.
Do you work, OP? Just curious.

FWIW I'm on team leave her alone.

TBF to OP so did I as I was working updating software and having to wait so checked in here.

You caught me. The only explanation for me visiting the same shop twice a week and posting online in the small hours is that I don't work.

Then I'm simply less confident, or less equipped to handle awkwardness, than you are. That's why I'm here rather than buying her a drink, maybe. Anyway, I appreciate your honest opinions.

@Niddster I have no idea how old you are but I'm in my 60s, 2 long marriages, first marriage ended in widowhood. Lots of dates and dating before them.

All relationships started with one of us making an approach IRL or in my case sending out receptive vibes 😁. It seems like you don't want to hear that is what you have to do if you like her and would like a date. You have to ask her out. It really is that simple and your time would be better spent doing so than growling at people on MN. If you have a lack of confidence there is nothing any of us can do about it and none of us can guarantee this will work out for you.

Can we all stop giving this bloke attention? He’s obviously enjoying plonking himself on mumsnet and getting attention from women. He sounds creepy with low morals, better to ignore him.

No one normal enjoys rejection not even confident people. The simple fact is that confident people accept it as a fact of life and have learned to move along quickly accepting that it happened, learn what went wrong and not navel gaze about it. Stiff upper lip is just as British as imploding with embarrassment

Confidence isn't a magical thing you are gifted with from birth that never leaves you, it's something you continually work on. If self esteem is an issue, then work on that and take it slow with your friend, it will make for a much better relationship.

Yes, your posts have been calm and reasonable. You've been getting stick and responded pretty calmly. I count one swear word. You're doing fine AFAIC.

@Mulchadoaboutnothing12 I did wonder that when I was typing! 😂 X

OP @Niddster you remind me so much of my long lost ex who woo-ed me by saying "I'm going to make love to you"

Then you may not have read my post fully - I'm 37 :) I know the only true way forward is to ask her. My post here was just straw polling what people thought of her potential interest, for my own peace of mind. If everyone had said "no, you're misinterpreting it, creep" I'd reconsider my own intuitions. Fortunately we're currently only at about 30% creep so I'm fairly confident.

So it worked? Brass balls on that man.

Somewhat undercut by the PUA suffix.

Go on, then. Prove it by not replying to this and calling me a creep. Swallow the medicine :)

I don't assume any of you are women beyond those who've stated or inferred it. If I'm here, so are other men.

To answer your original question: yes, I think she fancies you. Remember that she - presumably - doesn't know whether you are single and / or interested either. What you describe is exactly what I would do if interested, and I am pretty reserved with this kind of thing.

I would just ask her for coffee / a drink in a platonic way. That's acceptable irrespective of anything else and a good starting point to get to know her better. It can move quickly from there.

I wouldn't do the note with your phone number asking for a date. I have had that before when uninterested and it made things excruciating from then on. It's a bit too Richard Curtis.

She’s around 37?
I went back to college when I was 33. I got asked out by a few guys who just assumed I was single, but I had been with my partner for 15 years and was actually pregnant just not showing when a couple of them asked me.
It sounds like she’s just being friendly tbh. I think she’d have given you more of a clue if she wanted you to ask her out.
There’s no harm in asking but bear in mind, she could be well beyond the point of “might have a boyfriend”.
In this situation, I think you’re better off to just be direct or else let it go.

I think you're projecting your own experiences, and not shaping your advice to the context of this particular situation. You don't sound very empathetic towards this man who has, in my impartial opinion not come across as predatory or creepy at all. And infact you are highlighting the very reason in which men like him feel anxious in regards to these situations, while having honest intentions, because many women do tarnish all men with the same brush unfortunately.
He is just simply asking, on a forum of women, if we think, in a general populus, wheather the behaviour of this woman seems like she may be interested. If anything, you may have not created a tense conversation between you two, if you might have added ways in which you think this man could better his behaviour? You've taken the time to read the post and comment and reply, only to offer a short bold statement of you seem creepy.
Please I'd like to know your opinion, in meeting someone romantically in real life and not through apps or social media, other than at a pub or club situation, how else would you expect to even potentially be presented with a potential romantic partner without some risk, by offering polite subtle advances, which may or may not be reciprocated.
What would actually be creepy would be his reaction after the woman rejected him, if of an extreme negative persuasion.

No. The ick made me see sense

But I mean he was your ex, so you had to have got in a relationship with him for him to be ex OF? Anyway, the occasional "man up and tell her you're going out" suggestions here are nonsense. I'll hire a zeppelin and drop cards from it at valentine's.