Unsure if woman working in shop is interested in me. (Be kind, mums)

[Niddster]

A tale as old as time, but interested in anyone's perspective.

It’s a marginally atypical situation in which I’ve (m37) done my best to not be creepy or overstep boundaries. There’s a charity shop in my town I go into most weekends, and the manager is a woman about my age. She was always friendly for the at least two years I’ve been visiting, but we didn’t talk much beyond a brief chat about something I might buy. I suppose I wasn’t really noticing her.

Then a few months ago a guitar got donated and it led to us talking about music, so I started to make more conversation with her subsequently, very aware that she works there and is to some extent obliged to make pleasant conversation in return, and not wanting to be the guy that bothers her at work.

Subsequently I’ve started going in twice most weeks, and I noticed that she was beginning - apparently - to seek me out. I would say hi if she was behind the counter, and then a minute later she’d come and work close to me and talk. This has happened enough that I started to think “hell, this is what I would do if I was interested”. I came in wearing a new coat, she complimented me on it; I bought some art, she said she’d thought of me when she was putting it on the shelf; she asked me my opinion on the provenance of an antique print, going so far as to fetch the massive thing from the back and write down the details for me to research. On a busy day recently I decided to press a little and ask if she wanted me to fetch her a coffee from the local place. She said no, but then hung around with me by the door for a few minutes chatting, and as I would turn to go she'd say something else to keep conversation going. This has continued for some time now. We have in-jokes and recurring references and everything. Anyway, now I like her quite a bit.

She’s either just a great liar in the name of customer service, naturally friendly or has some interest. I suppose there’s no harm in outright asking her out, but for the potential awkwardness of course, and being British I would implode.

She sounds interested to me. Ask her out for a coffee or something. She'll either say yes or no.

Many threads start with ‘be kind’, they’re not commanding people to behave in a certain way.

Yes, they are. "Be kind" is, quite literally, a command. It starts with an imperative verb.

Asking a man to be gentle in his reply is not a command on how to behave.

No, because if you're asking, then it's a question, isn't it? You can't ask a command.

The difference between commands and questions is one of the easier topics in the KS2 SATs; it's really not complex.

You sound like a barrel of laughs

I'm with @Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee where she writes
"...asking her out for a coffee is hardly pouncing, isn't this how people got together before the internet and dating apps ??"

Unhinged? For knowing what words mean? That's a new one.

I mean, there's really no way to be funny when explaining what "asking" means.

Unhinged is a bit strong, but certainly not being able to parse the nuance and context surrounding words and phrases is problematic. "Be kind, mums" was so clearly meant as a self-deprecating, self-aware response to my own faintly ridiculous post that you taking its meaning in a vacuum as a genuine imperative is just a bit weird.

No, that's not her. There IS a woman who volunteers there whose name begins with J, though. I'd ask which shop or town but naturally you may not want to disclose that. Thanks for the thought though :)

...it has crossed my mind that she might actually see this post - unlikely but not impossible. That'd be an interesting day.

It's a fair thing to caution me on, given some men, but I can assure you that's not me at all.

That's what humans do, isn't it? Asking for opinions or advice is often a request for neither. It's an excuse to talk through an issue or decision because it's important to you. You've never done that?

Also, why would I or you assume this is a group entirely comprised of women? I'm a man on mumsnet. I doubt I'm a rarity. I just used the appellation "mums" because it's called "mumsnet".

Why are you assuming she's attractive?

Did you mean to say "non-judgemental"? :) You are, currently, correct.

I haven't posted a situation that nobody can answer and then argued or made flippant comments to every post. No.

For people actually interested, and surprisingly there's a few of you: no, I haven't but I'm going to have to before long. In the meantime there must be more compelling films you could watch than this trainwreck.

Go for it OP! Then tell us how it went :)

Well what do you think attractive means then? You’ve described being attracted

so now you’re saying she ain’t all that?

I’m extremely friendly to people. I’m a fun person. I cannot stand it when men think this means I’m interested in them ‘romantically’ this used to happen to me a lot when I was younger and I was never flattered

You really don’t have to

Good luck, I hope you get a good result.

Please let us know what happens, I'm invested.

Ps - you sound lovely interesting clever and funny 😜

The fact that nobody can answer (though they can) is precisely my point. I want to talk about it, not take a vote on my future actions. Although, let's be clear, my post was never about asking her out or "approaching" her. It was polling the hive mind on whether she seemed interested or not, and naturally that's led to recommending I ask her out.

I am flippant to people who merit flippancy. As is the way of things.

Well, no. No-one has to do anything. But within that understanding, if I'm going to have a peaceful mind in the near future, I have to ask her out and find out one way or another. I'm sure someone will interpret this phrasing poorly.

I know that being attracted to someone is not necessarily due to their looks, attractive or otherwise, and since you reference your past of being pestered due to being formerly attractive it seemed a point worth making. Sure, she's all that, whatever that means; but this isn't me pestering on the basis of surface attraction.

Oh I'm a nightmare

It would need to be some attraction, since beyond her polite customer service persona, you don't actually know her.