So yeah I'm kinda convinced that I'm going to end up alone. I'm a 33 y/o M who achieved my dream job and living in NYC.. I never had a relationship, I have lots of hobbies, in good shape, good looking, and really trying to go out.... No luck.

[SpoonyNavyPeer]

So yeah I'm not desperate for a girlfriend, but I'm pretty much convinced that I'm going to end up alone as a 33 y/o M who never had a real relationship in the past. I Really don't know what to do. I have hobbies, I pay for classes I have interests in, I try to go to social events... In the meanwhile I've been trying to do things on my own like go to movies, dinners, jogs, etc.... I've been trying to talk to girls and just to get to know them but all the girls whose numbers I gotten, never amounted to a single date.
I know I'm suppose to focus on making myself the best version of myself, doing things alone, not to be desperate, and all that..... but tbh I don't feel like its working.
I've tried online dating and that isn't working either, 0 matches. I struggle to even find girls I like and my standards aren't that high.
I just give up.
TL;DR: I'm a 33 y/o M that never had a gf, never had a real kiss and I'm trying so hard to even go on a date and get into a relationship and its useless.

Xpost - they’re both American so I’d say probably…

My male cousin lives in NYC, late 30s, British, good career/income, probably an 8 out of 10 good looking.

He is living the dream! Constantly dating, has his pick of women, says they love his accent. In fact I keep having to tell him to behave, stop breaking hearts, pick one woman and settle down. But he doesn’t listen 😂

If you are everything you say you are but not experiencing the same, then there is probably one of two issues.

• You are aiming way too high, women out of your league
• Something about you is majorly putting women off - you need to ask your friends to be really honest with you

This is what I would more likely expect.

I am 99% sure this is a romance scam (watch out ladies! Although I don't think anyone is actually tempted).

On the slight chance that it isn't: what was your social life like at medical school? Did you really not date or at least hook up with people there? Parties etc? My own experience of medical school (40 years ago!) was that it was a complete f*fest for both sexes. Maybe times have changed.

Don't know if you are living in the UK, but most of the dating I and my friends ended up doing, was getting blind drunk and seeing what happened lol. I met my OH that way, we are now 10 years in.

What's with all these American guys coming on here complaining about their dating lives lately? Get back to Reddit.

The impression I'm getting is that you have impossibly high standards.
When you're in the company of women are you always 'on' ie scanning and scouting for potential dates, or are you relaxed and natural?

It's like someone in a room wanting the cat to like them so they fuss around it or make unwanted advances/eye contact, meanwhile the cat thinks 'fuck off outta my face' & then gravitates towards the person who seems totally disinterested.

Maybe turn off your radar for a while & just see what happens.

You mentioned you aren’t looking for anything unreasonable…
WHAT exactly ARE you looking for in a woman?
Also you cannot be looking for a committed relationship leading to marriage while simultaneously also looking for a non committed one, they’re really mutually exclusive.
If you’re open to either this may be putting people off as it sounds undecided.

Lastly, you sound rich of acquaintances, have any friends/acquaintances presented you with women they know?
this used to be THE way to meet people.

good luck in your search :)

You sound incredibly arrogant to be honest which is quite off putting to lots of us women.
Everyone has flaws but you are determined you are quite the catch, i suspect you need to reflect that your own assessment of yourself is not in line with other peoples. What you think of yourself is not the key here, its what others think of you and clearly they don't think you are as great as you imagine you are.

Ah, I see. It's a good thing you aren't looking for a partner on mumsnet then.

Lived with my best friend when she was in medical school about 10 years ago (so a similar time to the OP) and it absolutely was a massive, coke fuelled, shag fest every weekend! A lot of hard partying in between hard studying.

I don't like the title or the 'feel' of your OP. It comes across as arrogant to me. Good looking is subjective. I do wish you luck, just an observation...

It's giving incel vibes to be honest. Something a bit icky about coming to a forum aimed at, mainly, but not all, mothers/women to complain you can't get a shag in NYC.

Op if you want to chat and be given friendly feedback in a platonic way on your chat skills with women then please feel free to DM me for coaching. This sounds Pervy but it’s not

Exactly. The med students were the worst behaved!

Wow! Why be so harsh?

Yeah, you're telling me, out of all the forums available, MUMSnet was the first choice?!

I smell Andrew Tate’s musk all over this.

could be anything OP. Too nice, too forward, too pushy etc etc. Also (and this is sad to say) if you are under 6ft that might be a hindrance. What kind of women are you going for? What kind of conversations do you have when chatting women ip? A man being spiritual would put me off but then lots of women who are also spiritual might see that as a positive.

What’s our lad trying to tease out of us here. He tells us he’s a good looking, charismatic, empathic, professional. He joins in with clubs, goes to events and makes friends easily. Done his time on the apps, Definitely, absolutely straight. Knows what kind of woman he likes and not punching above his weight (see above).

But yet he wants us to join him on his search for a reason for his singleness. Does he need to be told something in particular by a bunch of women in a different country? Would that be something shaming (mmmmm) or useful to bolster a set of opinions about women that he’s not hiding as well as he thinks he is?

What is this ‘over 6 foot’ bollocks I see spouted all the time? Every day I see (and know!) huge numbers of men much shorter than this happily partnered. And men and women at all levels of attractiveness in all sorts of ways. Women aren’t looking for what the incels think they are. Honestly, don’t bolster this idea in the minds of the vulnerable.

Bingo.

Have you actually ever fancied a woman? What happens when you ask out a woman you are attracted to?

"I'm good looking and I have charisma"

You only need to add "I'm a nice guy" and the red flags won't be flags, they'll be banners.

You need to change your attitude. You're coming across strongly as InCel.