So yeah I'm kinda convinced that I'm going to end up alone. I'm a 33 y/o M who achieved my dream job and living in NYC.. I never had a relationship, I have lots of hobbies, in good shape, good looking, and really trying to go out.... No luck.

[SpoonyNavyPeer]

So yeah I'm not desperate for a girlfriend, but I'm pretty much convinced that I'm going to end up alone as a 33 y/o M who never had a real relationship in the past. I Really don't know what to do. I have hobbies, I pay for classes I have interests in, I try to go to social events... In the meanwhile I've been trying to do things on my own like go to movies, dinners, jogs, etc.... I've been trying to talk to girls and just to get to know them but all the girls whose numbers I gotten, never amounted to a single date.
I know I'm suppose to focus on making myself the best version of myself, doing things alone, not to be desperate, and all that..... but tbh I don't feel like its working.
I've tried online dating and that isn't working either, 0 matches. I struggle to even find girls I like and my standards aren't that high.
I just give up.
TL;DR: I'm a 33 y/o M that never had a gf, never had a real kiss and I'm trying so hard to even go on a date and get into a relationship and its useless.

Yup. No one wants to date a guy who acts entitled to sex, or treats a relationship as a series of transactions, or treats a woman like a combination of sex doll and household appliance.

If I feel like a guy is insincere in his "niceness", I bail. I'm not a vending machine that you put "nice" performances into to get sex out of.

I think that might just be your opinion.

Why are you asking me? I didn't use that word.

A man might be tall, dark, handsome and rich but if he isn't nice, then he can clear off.

Speak for yourself. I’m 5’2. I don’t care if man is a bit on the shorter side, he’s still likely taller than me. And prefer bit of ginger or a mousy brown myself. Would take nice and funny over rich any day. Good thing I married a kind, gingery post man who makes me howl with laughter.

@blacksax no I was agreeing with you, I didn't mean you had said it! ( Apologies)

Incel has been said by several posters, not you .

I had @ you regarding the post that I can't find any reference to on this thread. .

When I did online dating I searched for matches who had similar hobbies to me, I had a great experience and met my husband online. I didn’t go for looks, just people I’d want to spend my weekends with. What is your search criteria for online dating?

I’ve maybe unfairly read both these posts & assumed they’re the same person -hence detail re prior sex worker use/addiction, difficult experiences with parents growing up etc. Mentioned further up & OP has not corrected it so 🤷‍♀️. He sounds terribly lonely but maybe looking for answers in the wrong places.

@Randomontheinternet25 & @selffellatingouroborosofhate eaoer post meant to tag link in for you! I could be wrong but…

uh huh … tall dark and handsome, rich, then nice

That may be your requirements, they're not everyone's. That's like saying all men like blonde, skinny and big tits. Simply not true.

@SayyestotheDog two is not enough for a data set of course. but it’s a weird theme. I thought of the other one immediately when I read this one. Why would these men, particularly handsome, charismatic doctors in NYC (😲) come to mumsnet of all places in the World Wide Web with this?

@MurdoMunro Very true but it is a bit bizarre. If they are genuine he/they sound very bitter by their respective failures & difficulties & seem to venting/appealing on a predominantly female platform. Hence the slightly incel vibes. But they do sound very hurt by their rejection by women - I only hope they channel this pain constructively ie by doing some real work on themselves as opposed to taking it out on others (& more women). They do seem blind to how they come across.

OK. Here’s my completely amateur totally unqualified answer to my own question ‘why have he/they come here’ with this question.

I think the sadness, loneliness etc is absolutely genuine. I think they have rationalised that as they are the victim of unfair behaviour. By that they mean women are being unfair to them and they are entitled to to more from us. But…there’s a little tiny voice in there going…’maybe it’s not women, maybe it’s you. You’re going to forums where other men are telling you that it’s the women’s fault but reading their comments you’re thinking some of them are right twats’.

So. To avoid the ‘maybe it’s me’ minefield I’ll go and find women who will tell me that women are awful. That’ll bolster up my victim status nicely. Plus I can share what I find on the men forums and get me a bit of alpha status too. Win win.

What do you look for in a girl?

You see, there is a Jill for every Jack and everyone has their target group, therefore If you have 0 matches and dates sth must be wrong. Is there any chance you reject women too easily looking for perfection? Or maybe you are avoidant and find excuses?
In any case, I think you need professional help to figure out what is going on. No girlfriend at 33 it’s not normal. Have you ever had sex btw?

What didn't you like about the girls/women you did date?
What don't you like about the girls/women you meet socially?

You say that your bar is low, but I can't help thinking that you are expecting too much. Perhaps you aren't giving yourself time to get to know them better. Not everyone comes across as their best self initially; perhaps you don't either. Do you smile and take an interest in them?

^ Let me clarify, I get women/girls interested in me, none that I like though.
I am not socially awkward and I read rooms pretty well. I am good looking and I do have charisma, but I haven't had much success^

You sound rather self important, and dismissive of the women (not girls!!! Have some respect!) you meet. Try getting to know them a bit more than how much you can in just one date!

What are you looking for in a woman, and expecting of them? It's hard to believe you're not matching with anyone. Are you very specific with what you're looking for? If you've only dated two women it may be time to reflect on how you come across, your expectations, etc. You don't seem receptive to people's suggestions that you reevaluate yourself and try things differently. Also, it may be time to take off your rose colored glasses and accept you're not as well rounded, or come across as you think you are. We all have faults and peculiarities. Dating isn't for the faint of heart.

You misunderstood my post, sorry. Someone said that the ideal was tall dark and handsome, and I was pointing out that being nice was far more important.

Edited to add - oh hang, on, it wasn't my post you were responding to, was it?
As you were...

Ah, got it now!

@blacksax apologies again :) I wasn't being a div to you, I just wrote my option in a clunky way.

No worries.🙂

I’ve returned to this thread today op to see if you have added any further replies.

You may laugh at this but I think you can tell quite a lot about people from the way they respond to posts. And what they choose to comment on or leave out.

Of course none of this applies if you were in the middle, or on a break from, a busy hospital shift while you were responding and just using short hand. So please ignore what follows if that was the case… .

Tbh, your replies all come across as very curt and dismissive. No gratitude for people’s suggestions and insights. Just telling posters they are wrong. Contradicting them. Or telling them how handsome or what a good catch you are.

Now that may be at complete odds with what is going on inside of you; but externally that is the vibe you are giving off.

Fair enough if that’s your style. But you can’t expect women to be particularly drawn to it!

Your quest for a gf may work better if you try and be a bit more humble and open to the differing opinions of others? Maybe consult a therapist whom you trust and can give you some honest feedback, which usually friends and family will not?

Good luck with your search. Hope you find the right person.

Yes, it’s a shame that the OP isn’t updating. He had some useful advice, assuming the post was genuine.

How have you not matched with anyone?

What are you looking for in a woman?

Doubt OP will be back