So yeah I'm kinda convinced that I'm going to end up alone. I'm a 33 y/o M who achieved my dream job and living in NYC.. I never had a relationship, I have lots of hobbies, in good shape, good looking, and really trying to go out.... No luck.

[SpoonyNavyPeer]

So yeah I'm not desperate for a girlfriend, but I'm pretty much convinced that I'm going to end up alone as a 33 y/o M who never had a real relationship in the past. I Really don't know what to do. I have hobbies, I pay for classes I have interests in, I try to go to social events... In the meanwhile I've been trying to do things on my own like go to movies, dinners, jogs, etc.... I've been trying to talk to girls and just to get to know them but all the girls whose numbers I gotten, never amounted to a single date.
I know I'm suppose to focus on making myself the best version of myself, doing things alone, not to be desperate, and all that..... but tbh I don't feel like its working.
I've tried online dating and that isn't working either, 0 matches. I struggle to even find girls I like and my standards aren't that high.
I just give up.
TL;DR: I'm a 33 y/o M that never had a gf, never had a real kiss and I'm trying so hard to even go on a date and get into a relationship and its useless.

Incel vibes I’m afraid. If you are genuine OP given that you say you’ve tried everything & cannot find anyone, how come you haven’t done any personal therapy for personal growth purposes? As you say you want to be the best version of yourself. From your description of your parents (molesting father) it sounds like personal relationships have been very difficult for you & you’ve shied away from the real life challenges of loving another, facing rejection & developing intimacy. Trying to gain this via sex workers is as you’ve discovered not the solution. There is no risk of rejection, no milestones reached, no intimacy. And now that’s making you less desirable rather than more. You sound terrified of real relationships & owe it to yourself to address some of what’s holding you back in this area with a good therapist. Not a quick fix though. But sounds like it would help you unravel the conundrum.

I think with dating apps you need to make your profile interesting. Make it different. Say where you are from if your English and in nyc. With the apps can you use ones where you message first. Be chatty and interested in the other person. Women like effort. Meet ups sounds good. Run clubs and the gym as you will get to know regular faces. I know some men are aiming high with looks can you try with women who may not necessarily be your usual type.

Oh for goodness sake. He's 14, on his phone in his bedroom with his Aston Villa posters on the wall and a nice hot cocoa made for him by Mummy steaming on his bedside table.....

Go do your homework sonny. It'll be bedtime soon.

Ew. But - yes.😒

It’s not bollocks. Being short is seen as unattractive in the same way that being fat is for women. Of course you see people coupled up of all weights and heights but there is usually an equally ‘unattractive’ quality in the woman if the man is short. Unless he makes up for it by being fabulously wealthy and flash.

Are you speaking for all women here in your mad generalisations? And indeed, all men? Loads of women in this country are fat, but also coupled up. As you concede. So what are you suggesting? That those marriages aren’t real or worthy? That only the very tall men, or very rich ones, and very conventionally attractive women really fancy each other? If so, I think you’ve spent too much time on the internet and not enough in the real world, where all kinds of men and women find each other attractive al, the time. Looks are really not the only thing, or even the most important, in what makes a person attractive.

Only surprised the phrase 'supreme gentleman' hasn't been trotted out yet.

This site is infested with these types.

You’re avoiding the repeated questions about what you didn’t like about the girls you dated- I’m wondering if you think you “deserve” better (looking) women, and it’s coming across as arrogant.

Alternatively, he really was catfishing and realises he’s not getting a bite on here.

👀

Out of interest, do you drink alcohol? I presume you don’t

It's your personality. I don't know what aspect because I don't know you but it is. I dated a guy like you before; gorgeous, financially stable etc (he also couldn't figure out why he was chronically single) but the type of personality that would suck the fun out of everything. You say you are social so maybe ask your friends for some honest feedback and you'll find out that it is your personality

Also (and this is sad to say) if you are under 6ft that might be a hindrance.

Nah. I don't want a crick in my neck, thanks. Dated guys who are shorter than me, taller than, not bothered.

Trying to gain this via sex workers is as you’ve discovered not the solution.

That I did not spot.

And now that’s making you less desirable rather than more.

No shit. It's a hard no, for life, from me if a man has paid to rape a woman. "Paying to rape" is an accurate description, he's paying to overturn her "no". I could no more date a man who's used a prostituted woman than date a man who has committed a rape. I know I'm not alone here, so OP has excluded all the women with my values from his dating pool.

😂😂😂

Where are you getting this info? I've done "see all" but can't see this?

Don't be so silly. Do people seriously think that women aren't interested in anyone under 6ft? Millions of blokes are under that and manage to find partners just fine.

All women, all over the world, value one thing in their partners above all else. Men who are NICE.

Me neither, but I wasn't going to be the one to point it out. 😎

@blacksax weird thread in general but that but was utterly confused by that comment. Also since when is it ok to call someone as 'incel'?

I've only read up to OPs last post but I'm guessing he hasn't had a girlfriend because he's "one of the good/nice guys". Maybe you are giving off vibes of incel a little bit OP, many women can sense those vibes a mile away.

Erm, I work in a hospital and literally ALL the male doctors get women throwing themselves at them. Go to a few work events get a bit drunk and see what happens.

uh huh … tall dark and handsome, rich, then nice

I’m not certain but I think people may be drawing comparisons to this guy https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5238815-is-it-that-much-of-a-turn-off-when-a-man-never-had-a-gf?page=1 who was her a few weeks ago with a similar question but a different angle. His line went ‘I paid for sex so I know how to do all that so why don’t I have a girlfriend.’ I think the comparison is reasonable, similar transactional tone, nice guy vibes etc.

Nah. It doesn't matter how good-looking a guy is, if he's a rotter or gives off creep vibes, I'm out. I've got to be safe and feel safe with him, that's my number one requirement.