So yeah I'm kinda convinced that I'm going to end up alone. I'm a 33 y/o M who achieved my dream job and living in NYC.. I never had a relationship, I have lots of hobbies, in good shape, good looking, and really trying to go out.... No luck.

[SpoonyNavyPeer]

So yeah I'm not desperate for a girlfriend, but I'm pretty much convinced that I'm going to end up alone as a 33 y/o M who never had a real relationship in the past. I Really don't know what to do. I have hobbies, I pay for classes I have interests in, I try to go to social events... In the meanwhile I've been trying to do things on my own like go to movies, dinners, jogs, etc.... I've been trying to talk to girls and just to get to know them but all the girls whose numbers I gotten, never amounted to a single date.
I know I'm suppose to focus on making myself the best version of myself, doing things alone, not to be desperate, and all that..... but tbh I don't feel like its working.
I've tried online dating and that isn't working either, 0 matches. I struggle to even find girls I like and my standards aren't that high.
I just give up.
TL;DR: I'm a 33 y/o M that never had a gf, never had a real kiss and I'm trying so hard to even go on a date and get into a relationship and its useless.

You’ve introduced yourself the Reddit way. Get off there for a start.

OP is clearly channelling Paul Simon in 1970 - The Only Living Boy in New York, surrounded by the Sound of Silence, yearning for England, where his heart lies and posting on MN in the hope of reconnecting with his lost love, Essex girl Kathy.

Kathy must be pushing 80 now. I suggest OP tries Gransnet.

Reading your replies, you communicate briskly and are quite short. You give minimal explanation and don’t embellish. You sound a little defensive and guarded as though there’s a wall up. I’m wondering if this is the issue.

I am also wondering if you seek women who are specific types like model looking and immaculate.

Are you a bit depressed ? And it’s coming through ?

33 feels old when you’re 33 but it’s not - you’re a man so kids are on the table for ages.

You’ve spent over a decade working and studying and there probably hasn’t been a lot of time to find out who you are and to let loose

Maybe you need a good holiday or backpacking trip and to find yourself,
free yourself and let your guard down.

I don’t think it hurts either to get a haircut, rethink your fashion a little and try to appeal to a broader audience in how you market yourself.

You deserve to be loved 🥰

xoxoxo

It sounds like you're trying everything but dating.

Speed dating, online dating, Any kind of dating, do it. Online dating should move to swapping phone numbers asap and then a drink.

First date is only a drink, and a quick decision if you want to see them again. If you don't, text saying 'thanks, but I don't think there's chemistry' and move on.

It's a numbers game, especially in NYC.

Agree with @GreatPlumPlayer .
Mumsnet is such a bizarre choice , a UK based parenting (mainly) forum wouldn't be any of my male friends radar because they can't find a girlfriend .

I reckon OP is one of those guys who thinks because he’s a doctor, gorgeous women should be flinging themselves at his feet and begging him to date them, they should also be totally compliant and just chafing at the bit to be an obedient little wife making his tea and fawning over him at every opportunity!

Unfortunately for OP, reality isn’t like this…

I think you need to learn to surf, swim naked and do some sort of eat pray love tour. I just get the feeling that you need to have an ‘early life crisis’ and shake up your life.

New York is a fairly fast paced and superficial place also. Why don’t you try a country town or Australia.

AI frazier crane bot asks UK mum's about dating in NYC.

Looks like he's disappeared after finding out that British mums aren't as gullible as he imagines.

What are you looking for in a woman?

This is a secret. He won't say

I thought the schools went back today?

I think the fact you keep referring to women as 'girls' may go somewhere way to explaining why you are terminally single.

Unless you really are going after girls, which is an even bigger issue.

Who told you that you are good looking though? A parent, relative, or friend? People that know you would naturally want to make you feel good about yourself and not hurt your feelings. That isn't exactly a reliable review.

Beauty is subjective, I believe there can be someone for everyone - but if you aren't getting any likes or matches on dating sites then that would indicate you provavly aren't as conventionally good looking as you think (as others have pointed out - visual attraction is the initial step of online dating, photos are all you can really go by until two people who are intially visually attracted to each other start getting acquainted). How strangers react to you is more of an indication than whatever the biased people who are close to you said.

This may also mean that if there are women that you do like but they don't reciprocate, you might be aiming out of your league and also not coming across well due to your over confidence in the type of woman you think should match you.

Of course I don't know you in real life, but I'd guess this is what might be happening based on what you've said.

Do you talk about relationships through the lens of YouTube self-improvers / Jordan Peterson etc? Does a woman talking about feminism make you back off? If so I have your answer, it’s incelulitis. Best cured with therapy, friendships with strong women and listening to the New York Times podcast rabbit hole to understand how you got here.

What kind of woman are you looking for?
What attributes make you like a woman?
Do you have big crushes on women and if so, what attracts you to them?

Do you think you struggle to behave normally in front of women you are really into?
Have you ever tried to communicate to a woman that you really liked her? How did that go?

It's ironic that that all these posts that start, 'So yeah I'm kinda like this but also not iykwim...?' are meant to sound conversational, and yet suggest that the poster spends minimal time talking to people using actual human breath and noises.

@SpoonyNavyPeer

NYC can be a tough city for dating, especially if you're looking in the 'upper echelons'. Both sexes can have high expectations. But here goes.....

You say 'I attract women/girls but none that I like'. Then I suggest you change your expectations. I'm not saying to 'lower' them, per se, but just take a good hard look and see if you're expecting perfection or are too rigid in your expectations. Hold on to your base values like religion (if important), work ethic, no children if you don't want to be a stepparent, etc but give women who may not fit square in the box a chance. Oh, and just because you may be an 8-10 (if you are) doesn't mean you shouldn't make time for a 6, she could be just what you're looking for when it comes to values and compatibility. And likewise, if you're a 6, go ahead and ask out that 8-10, you never know. But don't ignore those 5-6s, either. Also, overconfidence in your approach will usually come off as arrogance.

I'm (US) mother of 2 adult sons, and I found myself giving them and some of their friends the same advice. It worked and opened up the possibilities for them quite a bit.

Something jarring about this post, from the over wordy post title and your manner of describing yourself as perfection yet you can't form normal dating relationships. Almost AI!

Why are you on this UK based female dominated forum if you live in NYC?

Incel vibes. Again.

Do you have the basics in place, i.e. clean and nice place to live, good personal hygiene, good teeth, good haircut occasionally? Do you know what clothes you look good in? Good table manners?

OP, you've told us how great you are. What are your bad points?

girls

Yeah, I can see why you're single.

You might be better off posting on some sort of DudesNet like reddit, not Mumsnet - as it will be "your mums advice" which is not something you really need....

I'd rather be called a girl, woman sounds like an old person.