So yeah I'm kinda convinced that I'm going to end up alone. I'm a 33 y/o M who achieved my dream job and living in NYC.. I never had a relationship, I have lots of hobbies, in good shape, good looking, and really trying to go out.... No luck.

[SpoonyNavyPeer]

So yeah I'm not desperate for a girlfriend, but I'm pretty much convinced that I'm going to end up alone as a 33 y/o M who never had a real relationship in the past. I Really don't know what to do. I have hobbies, I pay for classes I have interests in, I try to go to social events... In the meanwhile I've been trying to do things on my own like go to movies, dinners, jogs, etc.... I've been trying to talk to girls and just to get to know them but all the girls whose numbers I gotten, never amounted to a single date.
I know I'm suppose to focus on making myself the best version of myself, doing things alone, not to be desperate, and all that..... but tbh I don't feel like its working.
I've tried online dating and that isn't working either, 0 matches. I struggle to even find girls I like and my standards aren't that high.
I just give up.
TL;DR: I'm a 33 y/o M that never had a gf, never had a real kiss and I'm trying so hard to even go on a date and get into a relationship and its useless.

Have you ever asked a girl that you like out?

Have you got any female friends? Could they give you an honest opinion on what you might tweak?

You seem to think you're an ideal boyfriend, and it's the women who aren't up to scratch. Perhaps you need to have an honest think about how you're coming across.

This is the third thread of exactly the same kind in as many days - I think at least one was deleted by the site team?

But by your own account, there's little to 'improve' -- you're good-looking, charismatic, sociable, good at reading a room, have a good job, earn good money, have lots of friends, go to different social events a lot.

And yet, while all around you, ordinary-looking, timid people who put the lids on toothpaste tubes for a living are happily going on dates and pairing off, you've never been kissed and have got zero matches on OLD apps.

To be fair, 7 can pull 9s. Hell, 6s can pull 9s.

What a weird game. OP can’t find a relationship for unspecified reasons that he himself can’t identify but can categorically say it’s none of the things pps are suggesting. I wonder what this ‘NYC doctor’ is trying to do here? 🧐

If women are interested in dating you then invest a bit more time before you write them off. Not all long term relationships start as 'love at first sight'. If you are attracted to women who don't want to date you then you need some honest feedback from friends - are you looking for someone who doesn't exist in real life? Have you asked friends to set you up with their friends or relatives? By 33 you must have encountered hundreds of attractive women, do you actually feel drawn to/intrigued by/fancy any of them?

If you have a gay friend, I'd ask for a brutal analysis of the situation. I mean, maybe a woman but I always find that gay men are the most insightful with these things.... :)

Do you think you might be asexual? Do you feel sexual attraction to other people? Have you ever dated someone that you feel this way about?

You won’t!
my sister is 38 nearly 39 and will be by the time she is married. They have only been together less than two years! She will be getting married before me (and I’ve been in a very long term relationship.

Secondly, being in NYC you probably know how I met your mother….if not watch it!

What do you like and dislike in a potential partner?

What do you like and dislike about yourself? What are your passions, your favourite topics of conversation, the things that make you interesting?

Can you cook op? And does your schedule and living situation allow you to host? ´

Why not invite people from your work to Saturday suppers? Even young married couples who could eventually put you in touch with unmarried siblings and friends?

If you work in a hospital there should be plenty of potential dates?

The food doesn’t have to be complicated. You could choose a different country each time and attempt to cook or gather in dishes from that place or culture ?

Just build it up gradually. Start with people you like as friends and colleagues. Put the work in. And cadge as many wedding invitations you possibly can! So many people meet their future spouses at weddings!

Or set up blind date dinner parties? Or organise a hobby group in your local cafe or bar on a Monday night when it’s slow. Quiz nights. Board games. Art appreciation. Stitch and bitch. Something that women like. The subject doesn’t really matter as long as you treat it seriously , it’s just an excuse to meet up and get to know people in a non-pressured way. And you are in charge of the contacts list!

Are you musical? Join a choir, band or musical?

How about older male colleagues? Can they give you any advice?

Do you come from a very strict religious background or do you appear “too nice”?

Last suggestion; do you come across as humble and genuine? Are you being yourself or acting how you think women would like you to appear? The reason I ask this is I think some young men have a pretty strange idea of what women go for. Good looks aren’t paramount tbh. Many women are looking for trustworthy, respectful, good humoured, modest, competent men who are interested in them for themselves and not just what they can bring to enhance a man’s life if that makes sense.

I am not suggesting you are like that btw op. It’s just one of many suggested things to think about.

Do you think some young women could find you a bit intimidating or perceive you as Mr Perfect or a bit arrogant? Do you have a sense of humour or take yourself too seriously? Some potential dates might feel a bit nervous or inadequate faced with a handsome doctor? Do you make women feel at ease or are you overly intense? Are you relaxed and calm?

Again these are just suggestions! Not suggesting you are anything but charming!

How about back home? If you get any holiday could you go back home and meet women that your family and friends could introduce you to? What about extended family and school friends? University friends?

What about out of town friends for the weekend or ski trips? Let people know you are looking and visit regularly to widen your social circle. Just focus on networking generally.

Best of luck.

What sort of Dr are you OP?

Medical dr working in a hospital? Should be loads of women chucking themselves at you. Ignore your "standards".... Snog one of them and see where it goes.

For sure, but bro is struggling.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this OP. You sound as if you have a lot going for you so it's surprising to say the least. My thoughts are your being far too fussy. The most important thing when looking for a potential partner is friendship. You don't appear to be giving anyone a chance. Initial physical attraction & chemistry is important although it's not compulsory when in many cases that can grow given time. I feel your looking for the sparks to fly the moment your eyes meet. This rarely happens. Give people who do seem interested in you a chance then see what happens after a few dates. If its not working let them know then move on.😊

Are you too intense? Do you ask them about themselves? Do you let yourself open up and be vulnerable? (perhaps not too much on the first date though)

My DH sounds kind of similar. We met at work when he was 39. He had dated two women before me and only briefly so had limited experience and his communication wasn’t great. But we hit it off and I could see that he was determined to make us work. Up until me he just worked all the hours and complained about not meeting anyone. He also had a very demanding and good career.
I honestly think it is most likely to happen at work -as a doctor that’ll be where you spend most time and more likely to meet a woman with similar drive. You have to look at yourself OP and not others. Chances are it’s you putting up obstacles without realising it.

Urgh. There have been a few threads like this recently. This isn’t a dating site. Or even a dating sub of mumsnet. If this (and other posts) is genuine then you’re in the wrong place matey. Well done one being brilliant and gorgeous and charming and everything but what do you think you’re going to get by posting here? And if you’re not genuine (surely not etc) then same question.

I find it hard to believe that a single, solvent, good-looking charismatic doctor, early 30's, cannot get a date. Either you're secretly gay and so deep in the closet, you don't realise it yourself, or you're not all that you claim to be. Are you clean? Nice teeth? Do you smell nice?

I’d specifically ask friends where they think you are going wrong with women. Get a friend to review your dating profile on apps.

A good looking guy should get loads of hits online dating. Your photos should be natural.

Are you a porn addict? Is that why the women are never good enough?

So yeah, maybe I envy you a bit after being long term married.
Only 12 years older than you and definitely wasn't looking for a relationship!
There's no problem with the way you live/are.
😆

Reading between the lines, I just don’t think you’re as “all that” as you think you are.

Yeah there's no way for us to know. Ask your mates.

Maybe you aren't approaching people, maybe you aren't going places where that's possible (nightclubs, bars etc). Maybe you're too forward. Maybe you're not forward enough. Maybe you come accross as arrogant. Maybe you expect them to do all the work. Who knows.

One last thing, don’t look for someone who is necessarily the same as you. I think there is a lot of truth in the saying that opposites attract.

@SpoonyNavyPeer why would you think Mumsnet had the answer?