To want to f&£k this man?!

[ifeelsobad]

So I know it's a marriage problem. My DH is into kinky shit I just don't want in my life anymore. He's not pressuring me into anything cos well the kink is he likes to be dominated and then he also likes other stuff I don't want to go into it. The bottom line is I'm 43 and not had sex since August.

My friend's DH is being a bit flirty with me and the other day he came to pick something up from our house, DH was here they were chatting and then for a reason I won't say on here he asked for my number (to share a contact) and he asked for my number and put his head down like he knew he was crossing a line. I don't flirt with him. I actually act very loved up in front of him to my DH. But deep down I fancy the pants off this guy. He's married of course I'm married and it's dangerous territory I'm not going to enter. But I know I can sense he wants me too. I'm just putting this here to stop myself being a stupid idiot.

@PlumHedgehog01 I hope not 🙏🏽

Look into cucking. If he likes being dominated, he might be up for that. Yeah, weird, but ironically it could serve both your needs and so many men are into it and ashamed, so communicate..

I haven't read the entire thread, but god, you poor thing. I really do feel for you. I too have a history of sexual abuse as a child. I deeply understand how this shows up in our relationships. I too was married to a man with fucked up fetishes and kinks that developed over the years due to his 'evolving' porn addiction. I don't know if you have that issue in your marriage.
Ours became an entirely sexless marriage the last 8-9 years of it. We divorced (for a terrible, terrible, terrible reason which I won't delve into now). I'm at total peace now. Whether I ever have sex again or not is no longer occupying a lot of space in my head. Now that I'm liberated (yes, really, it has been a liberation!), I'm just so damn happy to be out of that dark, oxygen-sucking, soul destroying marriage that I was propping up.

We choose our husbands. They choose to become assholes over the years. And when that happens, you do everything you can to just release yourself from that misery.

Be careful of this other guy. He sounds like he can smell your vulnerability a mile off. If he were a good man, really worth shagging, he wouldn't be married and behaving this way. He'd be approaching you with decency. Never ever ever settle for less than decency, OP. Promise yourself that. He's not a nice guy or a good man, your friend's husband. And his actions are proof of this.
What they do for you, they'll do to you. Good people don't blow up their families in this way. Shitty people lacking ethics do this. I know you're lonely and I totally get where you're at, wanting to just have some skyrockets in flight (I've been there!). But don't be that person. And don't allow yourself to be manipulated by that kind of person. Masturbate to him but do.not. fuck him. He sounds very overwhelming, domineering, and totally lacks morals and boundaries. You're very, very vulnerable. Set your boundaries... do this for you. And really, honestly think about extricating yourself from this dead marriage. Put all men aside and just make a real plan to progress in your life. You have one shot at this thing called being alive. Forget the men for now (they're not the solution right now) and think about what you truly need. You may WANT to have bed breaking sex with this guy. I can totally understand your reasons. But it's so not what you need.

Write down what you need, after a good sleep and in a quiet space.

Is it possible DH has shared his kinks with this friend (e.g. you saying you’ve had sex with another man) and the friend now thinks you are up for kinky sex with him?

I fear you will be manipulated in any sexual arrangement with this friend.

I also think your DH has been manipulating with you by only offering sex that you don’t like.

Enjoy the fantasy. Do not have an affair.
Do not message the married man or reply if he messages you

If you're not into this it's abusive. I'm not surprised you're longing for someone else.

😂

This is written by a man

@Choccyscofffy I also think your DH has been manipulating with you by only offering sex that you don’t like.

Very, very good point, to be honest.

In my wider friendship group one of the mums and one of the dads had an affair. The catastrophic effect it had one everyone but especially their teenage children has been beyond devastating to watch and I truly don't believe anyone who could do that could call themselves a good parent. They lost everything by the way, both of them.

There are 68 million people in the UK. Surely you can find a man for sex who isn't married to one of your friends. If you must have sex with somebody else, be very discreet and tell no-one. I mean if my husband expected me to wield a strap on or urinate on him I'd think all bets were off. If you have SN children I would try to retain the marriage for them at least.

Ok just breathe for a second. You have a lot going on in your life, having the pressure of SN children and having a DH making sexual demands that make you feel unloved and used is a lot to have on your shoulders. Sex is often a release and that’s what this man is coming to represent to you - a release from all you are going through. An opportunity to be seen, valued and desired in a way that feels normal and natural. As a victim of sexual assault, your responses to sexual desire, (both your own desires and those of others) will inevitably be more complex and therefore you do need to take a step back before acting on any impulses.

You are not unreasonable to want intimacy with someone you feel chemistry with when your needs are not being met. But don’t let your unmet needs blind you to the risks that this situation presents. You risk your relationships with your husband, your children and your friend, not to mention others in your life who find out. You also risk being mistreated by a man who may not be as good for you as he appears to be. Most of all it is your relationship with yourself that you risk. So give yourself some love and self respect and take the time to talk about this with your therapist before taking any action. Let the fantasy in your head give you release but don’t let it go beyond that right now. Your priority has to be dealing with the issues in your marriage and how they are affecting you. I don’t know if you will read my response but I hope you do. Take care xx

Keep this thing with your friends husband between you and the dildo girl

The trouble you'd cause just for a bit of sex, because that's all it would be

Think about everyone knowing and judging you because your husband, on the outside, is a decent husband and father

I don't blame you for wanting out though, I wouldn't want a husband who wanted to be dominated, it'd be straight divorce, gives me the ick

Get yourself on tinder if you need to but don't fuck your friends husband!

Unless your life is a soap opera, you should not fuck your friend's husband. Pretty standard boundary.

1. If your (D)H wants to do things that you are no longer comfortable with, you need to say no. No reason to apologise or explain, other than you no longer want this.
2. Other chap, distance. Polite and friendly, fine in any normal, social context. Anything else, no.

Get yourself and your husband sorted out first. Do not think you can run off elsewhere and all your problems will be solved.

This guy is a married man with kids, and picking his kids up from your house doesn’t mean he fancies you. I think you might just be looking for attention as your marriage is shit. Maybe sort that out first before putting the moves on this poor man.

Looking at point o e you could probably convince your DH to watch you fuck this bloke.
You just need to sort it with his wife than.
If she agrees you are good to go.

Jesus Christ

Buy a vibrator

Cant you work some agreement with your husband about opening up the relationshio then you could go and find a suitable fwb

Exactly, make such an agreement or leave the marriage. EXCEPT don’t use this guy as the fwb if that’s the agreement you come to with your DH. It’s the husband of your FRIEND and the father of your child’s FRIEND. That’s called shitting where you eat. It will blow up and have negative consequences for your child. Be a good friend, and be a good mother.

You need to leave your marriage. It is making you very unhappy and this is a symptom of that.

I can't help but think you are missing the point.

The need in you he is not meeting is not sex but love. It sounds like he sees you as a sexual partner only.

What would happen if you needed him to nurse you after an accident or had a stroke or something?

It all sounds very one dimensional and you servicing his needs in the absence of a deep connection outside of the bedroom is soul destroying.

I understand, OP. I'm in a solid but essentially sexless marriage and someone recently caught my eye. I was taken aback by the strength of my longing and the ways in which I considered proceeding. (I didn't. But I very much considered it.)

No good will come of this. I get the feeling you already have decided to do this. Be prepared for the fall out.

OP is a troll.
Theres a reply where she said she didnt need to have her friends DH number as her kids are grown and teenagers.
Then in another reply she said shes not a troll as she has little poorly ones sleeping next to her.

I have attached screenshots of both replies

He puts his head down and that's a come on? Did he put it down your bra or something?