My daughter has moved to Australia and she’s not coming back

[pensionsums]

She’s only 26. Moved there with her husband a year ago, only for two years was the plan. Everything now changed and they’re never coming back. Aibu to be a bit upset? Would you be upset if this was you?

I hope my mum doesn't feel as badly as some of the posters here, when I move to the US 😕

It's upsetting and difficult to deal with, but your DD is making her own life and happiness. The only thing we can do as parents is remaining close even if they are living so far away.

I'm in Australia and have a son in Spain. It's not easy but believe it or not, we've become closer facetiming 2-3 times a week. We talk about ourselves and what's bothering us, private moments I rarely have with my 2 sons living in Sydney. He and his wife are in OZ right now and it's like he never left. Technology has made possible something that was impossible 20 years ago.

If you are close to retirement age, thinking about spending 3 months in Australia is an option. I have many Spanish friends with adult kids, spending half the year in both countries. We're planning to do the same when we retire at the end of this year. The only issue for you will be medical coverage but that's something to look into.

I'd be gutted but would try not to show it and say positive things to her. Those of you who say save up and visit every year, this might not be an option as you get older and health issues preclude such journeys. Even if you do feel up to it, the travel insurance could be exorbitant.

I had a hoiday in Australia a year ago - mostly in Queensland - OMG the place is absolutely booming - so wealthy, new motorways, bridges, you name it.
Lovely cities, great restaurants. I can see why young people want to move there - however it isn't cheaper.

It true that FaceTiming is a godsend. I speak to my son several times a week at the other end of the country. I have another son who lives in the same area who I see twice a year. I am much closer to the son at the other end of the country . I also speak to another of my children several times a week but we only manage to see each other a couple of times a year due to distance.

That really is a daft comment. And rather arrogantly zenophobic. What's wrong with bringing up a family in Oz?

I missed the lack of history, culture and temperate weather myself. The newness was not a plus for me. I did however enjoy the rainforests. I think there’s every chance ops dd will return.

When I was a child, my dad was in the merchant navy and was away for months at a time. Sometimes we could travel with him in school holidays. When I was an adult, my mum sometimes went without me, so for me living/working overseas has been a normal part of life. My dad had a brother in Canada and another in Oz - he was one of the original £10 Poms and left the UK when my dad was only ten, and he never went back!

I live in the middle east at the moment, my dad is retired and in the UK, my adult daughter is in the UK. I have daily contact with my daughter, whatsapp my parents (mum mostly) every few days, video call every two weeks. My sister lives ten miles from my parents and she has a daughter who lives in Wales and another in the same town, but sees more of the one who lives furthest away! It's about the effort you make, not the proximity. I never lived near relatives growing up so maybe I have a different viewpoint though, compared to someone who did.

To be close to her family for practical support. Stop looking for a fight!

That’s hilarious, and very Mn.

1000s of people have their children in different countries, indeed within their own country, without ' family practical support'. They've made a life for themselves elsewhere and have the support they need.
Also, there is no guarantee of support from family, even if you live next door.
So, no, not looking for a fight, just pointing out thatcsuch a general sweeping statement that she will come back when she wants to start a family, is daft and misleading.

I would not be upset I would be happy my DC is living a life they are excited and passionate about.

Loving your DC is unconditional on where they live. DC owe parents nothing. We chose to have them.

You can visit too.

It's natural to feel sad that you'll see her less.

I would be devastated but never is a long time.

Unless they both are sponsored they won't be able to stay when their extended visas run out. And unless they are in demand occupations they won't be sponsored.

So it might be that they would like to stay. Alot of young people would like that.

I wonder if she left partially to escape the burden of being a carer

That sounds unnatural

Please don't make her feel guilty. Children should not be duty-bound to stay close by you. My sibling lives in a different country and has done for years and my parents are still trying to convince them to come back and constant remarks about it, despite them having a fully established life kids job etc.
I would love to move myself, however as the only remaining sibling because of their reaction I feel I couldn't do that. I have already made a conscious decision not to be like that with my DC when the time comes.

I did this at 22. It's not the end. My mother visited us and came on our holidays with us, and I came back with the kids to visit. This was before video calls and smart phones. We all survived and Dh and I moved back when my mother was widowed. My kids also have good relationships with my mother.
Start saving for your plane tickets.

Is that a joke?

You are not being unreasonable at all to be/feel upset. Understandable. That said they say the greatest love of all is to let go. Support her choice and try and get out there as much as you can. Friend’s daughter did the same and she visited every year for 6 months at a time. Not feasible for everyone but you never know, if your circumstances allow maybe you can retire there too one day, regardless, hard part of parenting is accepting that it’s our role to give them roots and wings. Big plus is these days too is we can keep in touch so much easier. Know it’s not quite the same. Just mean in the ‘50’s when there was the £10 pom fares to Oz families often never physically saw each other again. Would have cost an average months wages to phone home and no such thing as email, facetime, messenger and the rest. Allow yourself time to get your head/heart round the latest news. Put her happiness first and then think of a way you can make the best of it. As a Mum think we all feel for you though.

Yes completely, and she's entitled to it...

Further than ten minutes and in each others lives every day. I won't say a word obviously, and I'll cope but I'm sad. I also know that it could be worse but I'll miss them especially the little ones.

What you mean is you missed “white history” the 40 to 60 thousand years of Indigenous history is always disregarded on MN who view Australia as having no history/ culture and then proceed to tell us how racist we all are.

Not not unnatural, just the normal consideration of possible events, different people experience deep, little or no family bonds or connections in even in big families. Depends how you see your life I suppose.

I would feel sad, obviously.
But I would make good use of video calls such as WhatsApp and Skype and try to visit when I could.
When you say she's never coming back, do you mean she has no plans to move back or she's never coming back as in not going to visit?