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Original poster

New Boyfriend Gambling

146 replies

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:16

I've recently started seeing someone and I've noticed he gambles a lot.

It doesn't seem to affect him money wise, he works, earns and has a house and savings so I don't think he's getting in debt over it which would bother me.

It's just annoying me as I'm very sensible money wise ( I have to be).

He pays for everything when we are together so it's not like I'm financing the habit.

Advice please?

OP posts:
DancingLions · 01/01/2025 12:21

When you say "a lot" how much are we talking? How often etc?

If he's addicted to gambling it won't get better. He may be OK for money now but gambling addicts can easily lose everything. It's frightening how quickly it can happen. I personally wouldn't continue seeing him if that's the case. It will only bring misery in the long run.

DaringLion · 01/01/2025 12:22

Gambling is an addiction.The problem is he will end up chasing money .

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:23

From what I've seen so far about £50 a day!!!

It seems he's always been like this but then he owns a home, I've seen his savings etc.

OP posts:
Chester23 · 01/01/2025 12:23

DancingLions · 01/01/2025 12:21

When you say "a lot" how much are we talking? How often etc?

If he's addicted to gambling it won't get better. He may be OK for money now but gambling addicts can easily lose everything. It's frightening how quickly it can happen. I personally wouldn't continue seeing him if that's the case. It will only bring misery in the long run.

Agree with this. My ex gambled a lot. He thought he was hiding it well but I always knew when it got bad. Our joint bills were paid but anything in his own name was taking a hit.
Think long and hard about this relationship, if he's gambling often.

Brefugee · 01/01/2025 12:24

that would be a deal breaker for me.

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:24

He also buys everything when with me, doesn't seem to affect him day to day.

I haven't been seeing him long so don't feel it's my place to bring it up, plus it's not affecting me, in fact I'm better off as he buys everything.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 01/01/2025 12:24

This will always annoy you if you have different attitudes towards money. The time he spends gambling might become a bit of a wedge too.

DaringLion · 01/01/2025 12:25

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:23

From what I've seen so far about £50 a day!!!

It seems he's always been like this but then he owns a home, I've seen his savings etc.

It’s probably a lot more than that .Is it sports betting or online slots and roulette?

TangerineClementine · 01/01/2025 12:25

Sorry OP, but this would be a deal breaker for me. If things become serious between you, you'll either have to hope he gives up (unlikely) or be ok with him wasting thousands of pounds which could be spent on joint things. And that's assuming it stays at this level rather than getting worse.

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:26

Betting shops, sports and slot machines.

OP posts:
FromCuddleLand · 01/01/2025 12:27

The fact that he's paying for everything too makes me think he sees no value in money. It might not even be his that he's using. I should imagine he uses credit cards extensively too. It will all catch up with him. Avoid

Olika · 01/01/2025 12:27

Short term it might be ok to ignore this but if you are looking for the man to build life/family with then this will become a problem most likely.

Pinkissmart · 01/01/2025 12:28

Brefugee · 01/01/2025 12:24

that would be a deal breaker for me.

Me too. Eventually betting safe / sensible amounts won’t give him the same hit.

Ballstothewall · 01/01/2025 12:28

Deal breaker for me. I worked very briefly in a betting shop as a youngster and didn't see any good linked to this hobby. It was all pretty pathetic really even the rich ones.

Even matched betting etc isn't exactly a noble or useful way to make money in my view.

I've also seen some really nasty outcomes from gambling addiction and the fact that it's visible to a new date is quite worrying. What's with the paying for everything and showing you his savings early on, is he keen on flashing his money, being a gentleman visibly etc? Combined with gambling tendencies that isn't a great sign to me. Suggests he's too bothered about outside appearances and would be chasing losses. Maybe conjecture but I'd prefer someone with a more similar world view and interests to me.

CapybarasAreJustGuineaBigs · 01/01/2025 12:29

£350 a week ??

Nah fuck that. Absolutely chuck him back. It will take over and destroy any life you try and build with him.

Hadalifeonce · 01/01/2025 12:31

Have fun with him, but do not get into a long term relationship, it will end in tears.

DaringLion · 01/01/2025 12:32

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:26

Betting shops, sports and slot machines.

It’s not about the winning it’s the buzz he’s getting from every bet he puts on .I would walk away it never ends well

BitterTits · 01/01/2025 12:34

God no. Imagine having a family with someone who could potentially spiral into gambling everything away. It's not going to stop.

Snowmanscarf · 01/01/2025 12:42

£50 a day is alot and would be a deal breaker for me. That’s over a grand a month.

Have you spoken to him about it? Maybe not the amount he’s spends, but the need to bet daily.

Supssups · 01/01/2025 12:46

If someone is an addict of ANY description you need to seriously consider if starting a relationship is in your best interests…sooner or later, if life events happen,as they always will, things can get out of control.

TwistedWonder · 01/01/2025 12:51

FromCuddleLand · 01/01/2025 12:27

The fact that he's paying for everything too makes me think he sees no value in money. It might not even be his that he's using. I should imagine he uses credit cards extensively too. It will all catch up with him. Avoid

Agree with this. His whole attitude to money seems easy come easy go and that’s not a good long term prospect imo

OP - do you ever offer to pay or say ‘no don’t buy me that’? What’s his reaction?

UghFletcher · 01/01/2025 12:52

Sack him off OP, been there and done that with a gambling addicted ex. It's a slippery slope and he will drag you down with him.

ineedtowomanup · 01/01/2025 12:55

£50 a day is a lot, I'd say it's a dopamine thing for him. Possible ADHD?

Ultimately it's not something I could put up with the (the gambling not the ADHD that runs in my family as do gambling addictions).

TipsyJoker · 01/01/2025 12:57

Gambling is only a problem if he is spending more than he can afford. If he can afford to spend £50 a day and still pay the bills and have enough to enjoy life, then it’s not a problem. However, if he is spending more than he can afford, that is a problem because he isn’t in control of it. We probably gamble about £10 a week in lottery tickets and that’s fine because we can afford that and we don’t feel compelled to chance a win. A win is a bonus. I’d say, keep seeing him, see how it goes, don’t tie yourself to him in any permanent way and if you’re not comfortable with it, you can always end the relationship. At the moment it’s not a problem, just keep an eye on it.

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:59

I've offered lots to pay but he insists and says he can afford it.

OP posts: