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Original poster

New Boyfriend Gambling

146 replies

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:16

I've recently started seeing someone and I've noticed he gambles a lot.

It doesn't seem to affect him money wise, he works, earns and has a house and savings so I don't think he's getting in debt over it which would bother me.

It's just annoying me as I'm very sensible money wise ( I have to be).

He pays for everything when we are together so it's not like I'm financing the habit.

Advice please?

OP posts:
Snowmanscarf · 02/01/2025 16:26

Did you say he was renting? The £18000woukd be a house deposit for a flat

CIaudiasFringe · 02/01/2025 16:31

£1500 a month then - not great is it unless he wins every time, which I can't believe

TheGander · 02/01/2025 17:15

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/01/2025 13:21

Have you ever seen a poor bookie, neither have I.

It would not surprise me if his gambling addiction was the root cause of his marriage ending. You really do not want to become further invested in this man.

The richest woman in the U.K. is Denise Coates who owns bet 365 ( nice to allow punters a day off every 4 years) and other gambling businesses. She didn’t get that rich without the odds being massively stacked in her favour. There are about 500 gambling related suicides per year in England alone. https://committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/118437/html/#:~:text=These%20findings%20were%20corroborated%20by,suicides%20a%20year%5B8%5D.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 02/01/2025 17:20

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/01/2025 14:01

He is indeed a gambler and a liar to boot.

Self banning from gambling websites rarely if ever works in the short term, let alone long term. He trying to break a gambling addiction by himself is a nigh on impossible task.

Run fast and run far OP. He will ruin you emotionally as well as financially if you were to stay with him. Look at yourself here OP, do you fall all too quickly for such men?. What attracted you to him in the first place anyway?.

Self banning has ended gambling for me.
I don't want to play at all now. I had never had a bet in store before anyway so online was all I knew. So I think your comment is a bit off here

GreyBlackBay · 02/01/2025 17:23

Ballstothewall · 01/01/2025 12:28

Deal breaker for me. I worked very briefly in a betting shop as a youngster and didn't see any good linked to this hobby. It was all pretty pathetic really even the rich ones.

Even matched betting etc isn't exactly a noble or useful way to make money in my view.

I've also seen some really nasty outcomes from gambling addiction and the fact that it's visible to a new date is quite worrying. What's with the paying for everything and showing you his savings early on, is he keen on flashing his money, being a gentleman visibly etc? Combined with gambling tendencies that isn't a great sign to me. Suggests he's too bothered about outside appearances and would be chasing losses. Maybe conjecture but I'd prefer someone with a more similar world view and interests to me.

I made £180k matched betting and advantage play over 5 years. It may not be noble or worthy but it paid off my mortgage. I found it boring as hell but I wasn't going to pass up the chance to make that much money.

OP do ask him what he's betting on, just casually. He may well pay for everything because like me at the time he was loaded. If he's gambling on physical slots it's definitely not advantage play.

I would be OK with a partner who gambles a little, I know loads of people who buy £20 of lottery tickets each week. But I'd keep a close eye on it and want to see his credit report if I was thinking of combining lives.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 02/01/2025 17:25

@snickersandmars@Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead I've tagged raindrop by accident but I can't seem to remove it...

@snickersandmars the fact he has restricted himself online already shows he knows he's a gambling addict.

Ask him to not place a bet for 7 days and see what happens

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 02/01/2025 17:27

@GreyBlackBay I made a lot matched betting too. But then I started gambling and lost it all and then some... So I do not advise anyone to match bet because you don't know how susceptible they are to then gamble/become addicted to it. I'd rather not have it on my conscience

user1471538283 · 02/01/2025 18:03

No do not stay with him.

My ex used to gamble "occasionally" and it didn't bother me until we started living together. Within months he had gambled so much he couldn't afford his share of the rent. Before I knew it with a newborn he wasn't paying bills so he could gamble and bullying me into not having so he could gamble. He refused to stop. And then when I finally broke he was off!

This new man of yours is an addict and his only relationship is with his addiction. If you stay sooner or later he will ruin you.

Original poster
snickersandmars · 02/01/2025 18:21

He's renting until the family house is sold.

OP posts:
Original poster
snickersandmars · 02/01/2025 18:22

I said how often do you bet, he said as its Xmas its more and he's off work.

Then said normally just weekends, oh and sometimes Tuesdays. That could mean nearly daily if you include Fridays and Sundays.

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 02/01/2025 18:24

None of this adds up. There's no way he's paying for anything unless it's debt.

My friend managed the buy out of Coral many years ago. The business was sold for a fortune because the bookie always wins.

I bet he's got his eye on moving in with you and your house. Before you know it you will be in debt.

Original poster
snickersandmars · 02/01/2025 18:27

The slots are worse for me, he goes to put a bet on but just shoves £40 in those each time. He doesn't see that as betting.

OP posts:
CharlotteCChapel · 02/01/2025 18:28

I'd run a mile. Totally against gambling. The only person making money is the bookie.

DaringLion · 02/01/2025 18:31

Do you sit in the bookies with him?

Original poster
snickersandmars · 02/01/2025 18:32

I'm sure no debt. I've seen his bank and a large wad of cash in his bedside drawer ( thousands). He says its from doing extra work out of hours and winnings.

OP posts:
Original poster
snickersandmars · 02/01/2025 18:32

I've been in with him as I wanted to see how much he was spending.

OP posts:
thecatdidit · 02/01/2025 18:38

I'm married to a gambler, it's no fun at all. They haven't had a bet for many years but I still think about it and the money lost .
Personally I'd end the relationship, I didn't realise the problem until too late (married and children)

Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 03/01/2025 02:51

snickersandmars · 02/01/2025 18:22

I said how often do you bet, he said as its Xmas its more and he's off work.

Then said normally just weekends, oh and sometimes Tuesdays. That could mean nearly daily if you include Fridays and Sundays.

Or any day that ends in Y.

Betchyaby · 03/01/2025 10:49

snickersandmars · 02/01/2025 18:27

The slots are worse for me, he goes to put a bet on but just shoves £40 in those each time. He doesn't see that as betting.

My ex starting on football and horses, then it escalated to throwing money in slots. Even causal gamblers avoid slots because they are renowned for creating addiction. Your bf is already too far gone if he is using them.

TammyBundleballs · 03/01/2025 17:56

TheGander · 02/01/2025 17:15

The richest woman in the U.K. is Denise Coates who owns bet 365 ( nice to allow punters a day off every 4 years) and other gambling businesses. She didn’t get that rich without the odds being massively stacked in her favour. There are about 500 gambling related suicides per year in England alone. https://committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/118437/html/#:~:text=These%20findings%20were%20corroborated%20by,suicides%20a%20year%5B8%5D.

Show quote history

That gambling suicide figure was made up by campaigners. It is nonsense. The Gambling Commission, government and NHS all agree it isn’t true.

The methodology used is beyond ridiculous. The official NHS statistic is something like 1 per year.

TheAverageJoanne · 03/01/2025 18:21

No. Whizz him out the window. I've seen the damage this does in my own extended family.

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