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Original poster

New Boyfriend Gambling

146 replies

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:16

I've recently started seeing someone and I've noticed he gambles a lot.

It doesn't seem to affect him money wise, he works, earns and has a house and savings so I don't think he's getting in debt over it which would bother me.

It's just annoying me as I'm very sensible money wise ( I have to be).

He pays for everything when we are together so it's not like I'm financing the habit.

Advice please?

OP posts:
Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:00

I have said I think it's silly and he seems to spend a lot.

He just says he's got the money so why not.

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 01/01/2025 13:04

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:00

I have said I think it's silly and he seems to spend a lot.

He just says he's got the money so why not.

I agree with him. If he can afford it and he enjoys why not? If it doesn’t fit in with your world view and it’s going to be a problem for you then you’re just not compatible and you should end it.

StarsBeneathMyFeet · 01/01/2025 13:07

£50 a day = £18k a year…and that’s what you’re seeing. This would be a deal breaker for me. It’s an addiction that will lead to lies and hidden behaviours. It will only get worse. Personally I would not stay with someone like this.

MisterPNumber23 · 01/01/2025 13:09

£50 a day might not seem a lot, but that's £350 a week, £1400 a four week month, and if you multiply 50 by 365 days, that's a whopping £18,250!!!!!!!!!

Put this one back. Long term nearly twenty grand a year is a lot to be lost when you want to buy a home, or have a family.

Daleksatemyshed · 01/01/2025 13:11

Well if we say he gambles 360 days a year that's £18,000 Op, that's post tax and NI. So maybe he can afford it now but what happens if he loses his job and still can't stop?
Start as you mean to go on Op, it's fun now but it could be ruinous one day

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:11

To put in context I already have grown up kids and my own home, I definitely don't want to have any more.

OP posts:
Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:12

So much money isn't it!

OP posts:
Supssups · 01/01/2025 13:14

@snickersandmars is he divorced himself/has he ever had a serious relationship? i would want to know if gambling has contributed to breakdown of previous relationships...again if you are just after some fun it may be perfectly fine but not if you want to fall in love with someone.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/01/2025 13:14

You can and should do better for yourself than to be involved with a gambling addict.

Rause your bar and end this relationship before he drags you down with him.

TwistedWonder · 01/01/2025 13:15

I’ll be honest my grandfather was a bookie and that’s made me very much biased against gambling as I saw the other side of it growing up.

His old is this man? His whole view of money seems very wasteful imo. Yes he might have the money but that’s not an excuse to be irresponsible.

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:15

He's divorced, was married for 25 years.

I don't know if that contributed to their break up. They are selling the family home he still pays for as well as renting his own house.

His job is quite average so I really don't understand this.

OP posts:
Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:16

He's 48.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 01/01/2025 13:16

@snickersandmars run like the wind.

I come from a racing family op. I have seen big bets placed and I have seen bookies shake their heads (not at my family). It's a risky business even when there is full understanding of the odds, knowledge of form and sufficient prescience to off-set a big bet for high odds with other bets.

Never have I known a gambler to continue on the up.

If he's passing money up the wall for the buzz, that tells you a great deal. As with all.addictions there will come a point when the buzz has more value for him than the monet. That's when the second mortgages start and the slippery slopen to bankruptcy begins.

Supssups · 01/01/2025 13:21

if he is doing this behaviour whilst having children himself then i would absolutely run for the hills....who decided to prioritise gambling after a divorce rather than putting money aside for his kids? unless he is a secret lottery winner or drug dealer on the side!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/01/2025 13:21

Have you ever seen a poor bookie, neither have I.

It would not surprise me if his gambling addiction was the root cause of his marriage ending. You really do not want to become further invested in this man.

TwistedWonder · 01/01/2025 13:23

Supssups · 01/01/2025 13:21

if he is doing this behaviour whilst having children himself then i would absolutely run for the hills....who decided to prioritise gambling after a divorce rather than putting money aside for his kids? unless he is a secret lottery winner or drug dealer on the side!

Absolutely agree. He’s pissing money up the wall is fat he could be investing for his DC future.

And he could be using that money to save for another property once the family home sold

No his casual attitude to wasting money would be a hard no for me.

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:24

He has 1 older daughter, he gives her money too. Just recently helped her buy a house so he does look after them.

This isn't how someone can spend on his wage though, and he works hard in a manual job, he isn't lazy like that.

I'm so confused 😕

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 01/01/2025 13:26

Gambling isn't something I could live with - partly because I'm a bit vulnerable to it myself, but also I can't live with financial insecurity created by my partner.

That money is coming from somewhere and it's going down a black hole. 18k a year is a terrifying amount to piss away. I'd just find it too frightening.

PermanentTemporary · 01/01/2025 13:27

Is he spending the equity from the house sale? Did he inherit a lot from family?

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:27

That is only what I know about too, when I'm not with him it could be more.

OP posts:
Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 01/01/2025 13:28

My ex was a gambler - l found a letter one day saying he had taken a bank loan out but he denied it to my face even though l had the letter there. At least he is being hobest l suppose.
I would just wonder why he felt the need to do it so often - what is missing from his life?

isthismylifenow · 01/01/2025 13:28

Oh OP, take it from me, don't pursue this any longer.

Been there and it didn't end well.

One addiction leads to others imo. I got out of a relationship very soon after it was quite clear and gambling and alcohol abuse went hand in hand. And then those turned into quite a vicious personality change when partaking in either.

I could never figure out where the money came from for it either. He made out he was quite flush, but has credit cards maxed and cashed in his pension to fund this lifestyle too.

I don't know whether you should even bother digging deeper, because you may not like what you will find.

Save yourself the drama. Quick sharp, move on.

Original poster
snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:28

No, he's had no inheritance family isn't rich.

Not sold house yet it has equity in it but he's still paying mortgage until it sells.

OP posts:
Bankholidayhelp · 01/01/2025 13:28

Is he burning through an inheritance? Or an insurance payout?

20k pa is a lot if he's just an average Joe, paying mortgage and rent and helping daughter, plus normal bills.

Maybe ask if he can stop for a period of time - like dry January but ref gambling? And you give up something too.

ExceededUsefulEconomicLife · 01/01/2025 13:29

Does he win much?

My DH likes a gamble. Fruit machines and football bets and while he spends more than I would, it's at an affordable level and if he loses money he can take a break. Sometimes he has been known to lose £100 on the fruit machines but he's probably about even as he also wins quite often or gets his money back. He did pay his student overdraft off from gambling so he's good at it.

That being said - £50 a day which I'm guessing isn't all lost seems too much.

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