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Original poster

New Boyfriend Gambling

146 replies

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:16

I've recently started seeing someone and I've noticed he gambles a lot.

It doesn't seem to affect him money wise, he works, earns and has a house and savings so I don't think he's getting in debt over it which would bother me.

It's just annoying me as I'm very sensible money wise ( I have to be).

He pays for everything when we are together so it's not like I'm financing the habit.

Advice please?

OP posts:
Snowmanscarf · 01/01/2025 14:13

I imagine that squandering £350 a week gambling did contribute to the marriage break-up. £1400 per month is probably more than their mortgage. Maybe he’s gambled more since being alone . However, how can he afford £1000 gambling, mortgage, rent, giving money to daughter and feed himself. Credit cards? Overdrawn? Bank loans? Loan sharks?

AlohaRose · 01/01/2025 14:18

He works in a manual job, spends £1400 a month on gambling, has a mortgage (presumably) on his existing house, pays the mortgage on his previous house, gives his adult daughter money and pays for everything when you are out, yet apparently has large sums in his bank account? Yeah, something's not adding up!

Also, after only a few months, why have you even seen his bank accounts? How has that come up in conversation? Sounds like he is a braggart, showing you how much he is worth and how much he can afford to spend - but unless he is going to be honest with you about the source of these funds, then I would be questioning the whole relationship. Maybe he won the lottery, maybe he had a large inheritance, or maybe he is a fraudster or a drug dealer? I mean, any of those options are as likely as any other.

Regardless of where the money has come from, it's not going to last if he keeps gambling as he is. By which time you are likely to be more enmeshed with him and end up with some moral or legal responsibility for his finances. Throw this one back unless you get a very good explanation.

TheGander · 01/01/2025 14:19

Run. He has too many issues and will take you down with him. Gambling is extremely destructive and he’s clearly addicted.

TwistedWonder · 01/01/2025 14:19

And whatever else happens DO NOT even think about letting this man move in with you even short term

Snowmanscarf · 01/01/2025 14:22

TwistedWonder · 01/01/2025 14:19

And whatever else happens DO NOT even think about letting this man move in with you even short term

This!

TheGander · 01/01/2025 14:24

My dad had a friend ( he’d be 90 now so old style) who bet on the horses all his life. He’d read the racing papers, do his research. He told my dad that he thought he’d just about broken even with the betting over the course of his life. Imagine if he’d put that money into shares, isa s etc. He would have done a lot better than broken even. Obviously it’s not the same addictive adrenaline rush.

Betchyaby · 01/01/2025 14:37

Run for your life. It is almost certainly worse than you know, gamblers become adept liars.

I didn't realise what a gambling addict my first partner was until we moved in together and enmeshed our finances. As I was paid monthly and him weekly, we agreed that the bills/mortgage would come out of my account on the same day every month with him then transferring his half to my account. (Young and stupid)

The money rarely arrived, or it would be late or not the full amount and there would always be an excuse. He would lie about his whereabouts, twice saw his car outside the bookies when he was allegedly visiting his mum.

The final straw was him losing his bank card pissed on a night out, so I gave him mine to go to the Co op to get us some milk etc. He came back with the provisions, but he had also withdrawn/stole £20 out of my account. He didn't think I would notice as he wasn't aware I did online banking.

The final, final straw was when I took his card whilst he was sleeping and got a mini statement out of the ATM. He'd spent £700 in two days!

Betchyaby · 01/01/2025 14:42

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:30

In last week he's won £300, but I don't know what he's put on.

They only ever tell you what they have won. Never mind they lost £1k to 'win' £300.

Just because he has money in his bank account doesn't mean he isn't in debt up to his eyeballs on credit cards. The fact he has felt the need to show you the content of his account is a huge Red Flag, what has he got to prove?
'See I'm not in debt....' That is the behaviour of someone hiding something.

AgentJohnson · 01/01/2025 14:59

Dear god op, really! You know shit about how much he’s gambling, how much debt he’s in, you know what he tells you and what he allows you to see. How long do you think he’s going to be earning decent money when his body can no longer hack the heavy lifting? I bet he doesn’t have a pension, the 15 plus grand he’s pissing away now is standing in the way of him retiring. Once the money dries up, he’ll be expecting to collect on the money he’s lavishing on you now.

Future you is screaming at present you, to run.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 01/01/2025 15:01

£18k a year gambling?

No thanks.

Run

DramaAlpaca · 01/01/2025 16:01

Yikes. Gambling, in any form, at all, is a complete dealbreaker for me. Even a flutter on the Grand National would be too much for me.

catkatcatkat · 01/01/2025 16:05

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:45

No, he doesn't seem to always lose. It seems about even from what he's told me.

Of course that’s what he’s told you!

PromoJoJo · 01/01/2025 16:17

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

Winter2020 · 01/01/2025 16:54

If he has had a big win or an inheritance his wife is probably in a race against time to divorce him before it is all gone.

What we do know is if he has an ordinary job let's say 30-50k he is not going to be able to sustain paying his own rent, his wife's mortgage, being generous with his money for house deposits/ dates etc and 18k on gambling each year. Pretty soon his money will be gone and if he can't stop gambling debt will pile up.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/01/2025 17:02

Betchyaby · 01/01/2025 14:42

They only ever tell you what they have won. Never mind they lost £1k to 'win' £300.

Just because he has money in his bank account doesn't mean he isn't in debt up to his eyeballs on credit cards. The fact he has felt the need to show you the content of his account is a huge Red Flag, what has he got to prove?
'See I'm not in debt....' That is the behaviour of someone hiding something.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, and if they ever do win big, you know that the money will be going straight back to feed the habit. Family just doesn't matter to these selfish people.

Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 01/01/2025 17:09

Watch he's not setting you up by paying for everything now and later brings that up in an you owe me scenario.
£1400 a month gambling is a lot and I'm guessing it's a lot higher.

Sassybooklover · 01/01/2025 17:49

Unless you have seen detailed information regarding his finances, then you have no idea if he's managing his gambling or not. For all you know, he could be maxed out on credit cards, owe money to various places etc. £50 a day is £350 per week! That's a huge amount of money, and probably only the tip of the iceberg. Gambling is an addiction, the same as drugs, smoking and alcohol. It destroys lives, just the same as any other addiction can. I would walk away, especially as you've not been together for too long. It's a big red flag.

Jolietta · 01/01/2025 18:58

Gambling in a daily basis is not a healthy hobby.

It's an addiction.

Run away fast.

Lighteningstrikes · 01/01/2025 19:11

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 13:39

I'm going to ask him, I'll see him later so will try and see how he's managing this.

With respect, are you that naive that you think he’ll tell you the truth?

Why do you think he’s getting a divorce??

He’s spending £18,500 a year on gambling. He’s probably netting a third of that.

On top of that, I bet he’s burning through a LOT more than he’s declaring to you.

DelilahBucket · 01/01/2025 19:13

I had one of those. In the end I took out a £14,000 loan to bail him out. He at first appeared to be managing his finances very well too. It's an addiction like any other and my ex was addicted to other things too.

JohnofWessex · 01/01/2025 19:15

snickersandmars · 01/01/2025 12:23

From what I've seen so far about £50 a day!!!

It seems he's always been like this but then he owns a home, I've seen his savings etc.

Thats about £18000pa..........

TammyBundleballs · 01/01/2025 19:23

Spend or stake? Someone who is clueless but price sensitive staking £18k pa shouldn’t lose much more than about 5% of that at most. That ends up less than £1k pa which is very modest for a hobby.

Bananalanacake · 01/01/2025 20:13

Enjoy a casual relationship but don't live with him.

KittensSchmittens · 01/01/2025 20:34

Could not run away from this fast enough. Massive red flag, total turn off.

PermanentTemporary · 01/01/2025 20:41

I would run very fast from someone buying £50 of anything a day, unless it was their job. Even if they sold some of it back so that it wasn't a dead loss.