Worst New Year's Eve Ever

[nooneknowsitsme]

Been sat on the sofa since 11.30pm alone (I only got home from work at 10pm) sobbing my heart out silently, whilst DP of 16 years 'goes to bed early' in the spare bedroom with the door shut so he can lie in bed messaging his OW Happy New Year. He's in the process of buying a house, presumably so they can be together. He thinks I don't know anything, but I do.......
Just looking for a hand hold, worst New Year ever.

I am so so so sorry OP. What a rat!
2025 is the year you kick him to the kerb. Let her be welcome to him! He isn’t worthy of you.

Oh no bless you, I know it feels shocking but it will get better.

The good thing is you know so you are prepared, and it’s coming in to a new year for a fresh start.

I think you need to let him know that you are aware of what’s going on though (not tonight!) so it’s out in the open.

You'll get through it xx

That sucks ass. At least you know. I hope you sort it out one way or another.

Be sad right now, but then channel this. He’s a scum bag and you deserve better. Start looking at your finances, housing etc how are you going to stick your two fingers up. Make a plan / list, put money away etc

And best of all think of legal but very annoying things you can do to get your own back. Make a list.

It’s going to hurt, feel your feelings but set a date and time to put your big pants on and look after you,

He thinks that you think your marriage is solid, is that what you mean?

I’m so sorry, I had the same NYE in 2015/16. TBH, I’ve hated NYE ever since, but your life will get better - I promise you. Once his lying, cheating ass is out of your life you will feel a kind of liberation that it’s hard to imagine right now.

Been there and I feel your pain. Time truly does heal. Big hugs

Oh, that's really tough

Are you actually separated and still sharing your home & he's not aware that you know about the OW?

Tell him to leave, if you can afford to. It's really not fair for you to live this way. Is there anyone you can be with today?

Your life will get better in time, you'll see.

Time to get your ducks in a row.

What a total cunt.
How long have you known? sling him out in the morning if you can- if the house is in your name chuck him out now this minute. Your heart must be breaking right now but try and look to your much better future.
Have you any children in the house? if It's just the pair of you I'd be tempted to go in and ask who he is messaging at least and ask to look at his phone this minute. Try and take some control back.
Any kids around I would let it slide and go to bed for now but get yourself ready for tomorrow - who does he think he is? I really hope it works out - put yourself first you deserve it. Not that twat.

Ate you married or just cohabitation? How financially enmeshed are you? I'd let him buy the house first and then instigate the split especially if you're married. Get some legal advice and start getting making plans to exit whilst hitting him financially.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/how-to-separate1/deciding-what-to-do-when-you-separate/

Sending a handhold. We are here for you.

Just know that it will be okay, however awful it feels right now.

I'm sorry op. What an absolute fucker. Cry away.

It doesn't feel like it now but you will get through this.

And you'll be much better off without that tool.

Better New Year for you! 😘

Thank you for all your kind messages. It truly means a lot to me. I've had the worst year of my life. Dad diagnosed with bowel cancer and died 6 months later. He was a shit Dad who never wanted to know whilst I tried to keep in contact. His girlfriend never told me that he had died, she pretended not to know of my existence (despite being Facebook friends with me and she'd sat in my house drinking tea). Whilst processing his death my younger Sister who was heartbroken at Dad's death died unexpectedly a few months later, the inquest dragged on for months. DP never gave me a single hug through all of this, presumably his affections were elsewhere.....

Never started a thread on here before. Will write more when able but am just in a state of shock and grief. Been going to work the last few days as it's the only place I have to act 'normal' and it keeps me sane whilst I am there. Went for a walk last night alone and ended up having a massive panic attack just as a PCSO walked past and said 'evening'. I got away with it but then I felt worse afterwards thinking is this what my life has become?

Time to close doors and look forward to a new life

Aw I’m not surprised your crying Op because you’ve had a hellish year and it sounds as if your partner’s infidelity and general indifference/cruelty is just one part of it .

Losing your dad when he hasn’t been great and the complicated grief that goes with that is extremely difficult, and then to lose your sister too is absolutely horrendous.

I hope you have some support from trusted family and friends and can access some mental health services?

Sadly I think your poor excuse of a partner leaving is for the best, but I can understand the pain and hurt you must feel.

And why is he even still in the same house as you if he’s planning to be with this OW? What’s happening with that? I think the sooner he gets out the better even if that means you need to downsize.

It must be pretty torturous living with him knowing he’s with someone else and will be leaving soon. A clean break is better.

I really hope 2025 is a year of healing and progress for you 🌺💐

Oh wow, that's shit OP. Big hugs ❤️

Sending love and hugs. What a lot you’ve been through 💐 From personal experience, it’s times like this that, although awful to live through, make you realise just what strong stuff you are made of. May 2025 be a year of strength and new and wonderful beginnings for you. Have you got someone to talk to in rl too?

Those 2 threads have been a saviour for me when I was going through similar situation, as was majority of posters.

I recommend taking the time and reading through, it will help you see that you are not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/4837197-a-new-thread-for-those-struggling-with-separation?page=40&reply=131988731

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/4978266-a-new-thread-for-those-struggling-with-separation-part-2-onwards-to-a-happier-future?page=1

So sorry OP. This sounds very hard.

I promise you that once you kick this shit to the kerb you will feel a hundred times lighter.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Let 2025 be your year for new beginnings and renewed inner strength 💪

You will survive this @nooneknowsitsme I’ve name changed for this post as I’m a regular poster but I have been where you are. You will heal and move forward from this and one day in the not too distant future you will realise you’re worth so much more than how he’s treating you now, he doesn’t deserve you.

@nooneknowsitsme Chances are the OW and your husbands
'relationship' won't last.

My husband left between Christmas/NYE many years ago, and son was just 4 yrs old.

It was very hard, but within two years the relationship broke up.
Can you believe it when ex husband phoned me, sobbing!

The cheek of it.

He's on his third marriage now, I still find NYE is tainted a bit because of the old memories, but you will feel better in time.

Try and keep the house if you can..Buy him out?

Hugs to you. Just take this one breath at a time. You don't have to be on top of everything right away.

I'm so so sorry. I've been in a similar position where my husband was having an affair and thought I didn't know about it. He had no plans to leave unfortunately. I had to put those in motion.

You know now what's going on. That's so much better than not knowing. He is a deceitful piece of shit and you will be well rid of him.

What does he think you know? What I did was I took the bull by the horns and ended the relationship. I felt much better doing that rather than have him do it to me. I preferred to have that control. Would it be possible for you to end it tomorrow with your partner?

Try not to find out too much about what's going on when. It will eat you alive.

Stay strong, this time next year you will be writing a very different post 💐

So sorry to hear this hope your ok my partner has decided he's leaving me tonight and our kids I've also noticed he's been starting rows over stupid stuff he's ruined Christmas and new year idiot didn't think I know he's been searching other women on FB if you need a chat just pop me a message