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Original poster

Worst New Year's Eve Ever

115 replies

nooneknowsitsme · 01/01/2025 00:46

Been sat on the sofa since 11.30pm alone (I only got home from work at 10pm) sobbing my heart out silently, whilst DP of 16 years 'goes to bed early' in the spare bedroom with the door shut so he can lie in bed messaging his OW Happy New Year. He's in the process of buying a house, presumably so they can be together. He thinks I don't know anything, but I do.......
Just looking for a hand hold, worst New Year ever.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 01/01/2025 02:09

nooneknowsitsme · 01/01/2025 01:20

Thank you for all your kind messages. It truly means a lot to me. I've had the worst year of my life. Dad diagnosed with bowel cancer and died 6 months later. He was a shit Dad who never wanted to know whilst I tried to keep in contact. His girlfriend never told me that he had died, she pretended not to know of my existence (despite being Facebook friends with me and she'd sat in my house drinking tea). Whilst processing his death my younger Sister who was heartbroken at Dad's death died unexpectedly a few months later, the inquest dragged on for months. DP never gave me a single hug through all of this, presumably his affections were elsewhere.....

Never started a thread on here before. Will write more when able but am just in a state of shock and grief. Been going to work the last few days as it's the only place I have to act 'normal' and it keeps me sane whilst I am there. Went for a walk last night alone and ended up having a massive panic attack just as a PCSO walked past and said 'evening'. I got away with it but then I felt worse afterwards thinking is this what my life has become?

I'm so sorry to hear about the awful year you've had.

Weirdly the same thing happened with my dad - I found out via FB years later that he'd died. Still don't know how to process it.

Your partner sounds like a proper fuckwit x

spiderlight · 01/01/2025 02:12

I'm so sorry - it's all just utterly awful and your partner is a total scumbag.

lovemyboyz247 · 01/01/2025 02:20

So sorry to hear what you have been through and currently going through.

Wishing you all the strength to move forwards and build your life without him. You deserve so much better than him x

YourGladSquid · 01/01/2025 02:26

I’m sorry, OP. It gets worse before it gets better, but eventually you’ll be happier and this will all be a distant memory (I’ve been there… with a NYE ruined as well).

Sending you all the love into 2025 🎆

HowDidYouGuess · 01/01/2025 02:26

Don't let on OP...you get your affairs in order and get a lawyer. It will hurt like hell but you can be free of this asshole in 2025 - take a deep breath and have a toast to the next chapter.

Washingupdone · 01/01/2025 02:30

I am so sorry for you. You must be feeling dreadful.
You must take care of yourself and be strong and don’t let on that you know. While he thinks you are ignorant of his dealings, sort out all the papers concerning his and your life together eg anything official, mortgage, his pension, bank, all bills etc, and copy them, and any texts he sends to you, He sounds he has money saved somewhere which is half yours isn’t it?
Tomorrow look for a solicitor and as soon as you can get an appointment, without his knowledge, to know where you and your DC (if you have them) stand to protect your future. While you are there change your will and pension details.
Hang on for as long as you can and be prepared for your sake,

MyCatsAreFuckwits · 01/01/2025 02:43

This has been a proper crap year for you @nooneknowsitsme so sorry to hear about your father and sister
.
Today is as good a time as any to draw a line (for you) and make it a turnaround year.
Fresh start, chin up, be brave and, make it YOUR year.

Small steps to start and you will gain momentum and self belief.
Start with paperwork and admin today.
Make a checklist of things "to do"
Rest, eat, hydrate, and recharge.

You don't need this man in your life.
You can do so much better.
It will be hard.
It will get better, much better.

I have been there.
It takes time but you can do it 💪🏻 ✨️ ❤️

DrizzleTrip · 01/01/2025 03:14

What awful men you’ve had in your life- you deserve so much better. One day at a time OP. X

Yellowshirt · 01/01/2025 03:31

Op use your anger to your advantage. Get all your paperwork and finances in order before he even has time to think. If it means emptying all your joint accounts and stuffing the money under a mattress just do it.

Once that money is gone it's gone. Remember that and switch on immediately.

Italiangreyhound · 01/01/2025 03:36

I am so sorry.

Monty27 · 01/01/2025 03:36

Next year sitting there you'll be happier if you do what you know you need to do.
Keep strong xx

AnnaL94 · 01/01/2025 03:55

Hi OP,

This very day last year, I was sobbing in a pub toilet on my friends shoulder because my “D”P at the time had found someone else. It really was the worst New Year’s Eve ever.

Tonight, I’ve had one of the best new years, and I’ve cried with happiness.

You do deserve better, and life does get better. I promise 💐. Door close, so better ones can open.

thicklysettled · 01/01/2025 04:51

I'm so sorry. You've had an absolutely hellish year. I hope for you that 2025 is the year that you have a fresh start. You don't deserve any of this. Sending love to you.

AnarchismUK · 01/01/2025 05:13

I'm so sorry. You have had a truly terrible time. Please keep writing when you feel you can. There's a wealth of support and knowledge on here wishing to help you find a way through. x

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2025 05:21

I’m so sorry op. You sound so sad. Whose house are you in and is there any way you can get him to leave?

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 01/01/2025 05:30
Flowers
LBFseBrom · 01/01/2025 05:53

Nextyearhopes · 01/01/2025 00:48

I am so so so sorry OP. What a rat!
2025 is the year you kick him to the kerb. Let her be welcome to him! He isn’t worthy of you.

I cannot better what Nextyearhopes, and others, have said above, nooneknowsitsme .

2025 will be a better year for you without that waste of space. I know it hurst now but things will improve.

The only way is up.

Lots of love to you.

ThejoyofNC · 01/01/2025 06:14

So sorry OP. Please don't mentally torture yourself by pretending you don't know. Anything is better than that, especially if it's causing panic attacks.

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 01/01/2025 06:59

ThejoyofNC · 01/01/2025 06:14

So sorry OP. Please don't mentally torture yourself by pretending you don't know. Anything is better than that, especially if it's causing panic attacks.

This. You are currently still putting him ahead of yourself. You need to tell him you know of his plans or. if you discovered this by snooping and you don't want him to know about that, even better is to dump him. Tell him you no linger feel the same way and it's over.

You are having panic attacks because you currently have no control of any sort and are just being carried along on the tide and you don't know when he is going to drop the axe.

Do you jointly own the property or can you just up and leave?

We will help you all we can. MN is a great resource for advice as well as blowing off steam.

DepartingRadish · 01/01/2025 07:14

Oh OP, have a bloody massive hug. I'm so sorry about your Dad and your Sister.

Better things are ahead. It's really tough right now, but this will pass. I really echo the advice to use the support thread that's been linked. There's plenty of very nice and helpful people who can give you advice and support.

DreamTheMoors · 01/01/2025 07:39

I’m sorry, @nooneknowsitsme

Look at it this way: she’s gotta deal with this loser now. And you’re well rid.
He’s a cheater.
Who wants to be with a cheater?

Your true love will come to you, I promise. ❤️

NOTANUM · 01/01/2025 07:45

Your poor love, you’re having a shocking time.
The sooner that awful partner is out, the better. Can you force his hand and kick him out or make plans to leave yourself? It will be easier when you have a safe space to deal with things and it’s obvious that this relationship is dead.
The new year brings hope and soon with this horrible person gone, you can focus on you. You don’t mention friends or other family but I’m hoping that there are some to help support you as you process the grief. Counselling can also be a great help, especially for complicated relationships where there are other emotions.

user1471538283 · 01/01/2025 07:52

You've had a truly awful year. I'm so sorry.

I know it doesn't feel like it but losing your sister (and coping with the fall out from losing your Dad) has given you a gift. You've found out who is really there for you. You know it's not him now rather than later. You will be fine and you must put yourself first.

At the end of this year you will be in a much better place.

Owly11 · 01/01/2025 07:59

Oh what a shitty year you've had. No wonder you are feeling so blue. It must feel very lonely to not have your partner by your side when you really need him. Do you mind me asking how do you know he is having an affair? Is he open about buying the house or is he keeping that secret from you too? What explanation does he give for buying a house and sleeping in the spare room?

viques · 01/01/2025 08:05

At least you know what your NY resolution is going to be this year OP.

Put a reminder in your phone for NYE 2025 to look back on the year, and see how far you have come. I think you will be amazed at what you can achieve. It is going to be a hard year, you have all the “firsts” without your dad and sister to deal with -and they are difficult - but as you get your ducks in a row, think of them, imagine how proud they would be knowing you have moved on with your life without a cheating fool holding you back.