Worst New Year's Eve Ever

[nooneknowsitsme]

Been sat on the sofa since 11.30pm alone (I only got home from work at 10pm) sobbing my heart out silently, whilst DP of 16 years 'goes to bed early' in the spare bedroom with the door shut so he can lie in bed messaging his OW Happy New Year. He's in the process of buying a house, presumably so they can be together. He thinks I don't know anything, but I do.......
Just looking for a hand hold, worst New Year ever.

Thank you all so much for your support and kind words.
I spoke with a GP yesterday evening, and I have a prescription to pick up today for anti depressants.
I went to bed last night intending to go to work, but for the first time through all this, I had to call in sick this morning (which I feel really guilty about). I woke up from a bad dream about him having a panic attack. Shaking, racing pulse and gulping air. It's the second time this week that's happened.
I'm still in bed now shaking. I think I really have reached rock bottom.

I don't know if I'll go to work tomorrow, but I have booked a double session with my Counsellor, as this week one session just won't be enough!

My friends are a 4 hour drive away, all the people locally who I thought were long term friends seem to have disappeared. I have not even had a text from any of them since he left 7 weeks ago just asking if I'm alright (they all know what's happened). This in itself is a further shock and loss to come to terms with. Hence me spending my Birthday completely alone and having to ring the Samaritans for someone to talk to.
I did put something on Facebook a few weeks ago to say I'm really struggling and need support, it took a LOT of guts from me to do that, but the only people who responded were friends in other parts of the country. Not one single local friend/neighbour responded or got in touch.
I don't quite know how I've ended up like this, completely alone with not even one friend to see, it's hugely embarrassing.

You mustn’t be embarrassed, but your local ‘friends’ should be. What a disgrace, that they haven’t texted or called.
I hope you can maybe find away to be closer to your actual friends/family eventually.

Sorry if I’ve missed it but do you know any neighbours at all? I’d absolutely try and help
any of mine if they needed a friend, whether I knew them or not! Maybe they’re the same.

Oh love, glad you posted again, I was worried about you. Well done on seeing the GP and double counselling session.

Enjoy your much needed duvet day. Find a crap film you love and have watched before, order some food in, and rest. If you have some sunshine tomorrow try to sit out in your garden or on a park bench and absorb some sun.

Shame your local friends are being crap. But
reach out to those further away by phone, and maybe plan a trip to see them. Something to look forward to.

And if funds allow, book a haircut, or massage and facial. Something just for you. I’m sure you are on the heartbreak diet, but why not give yourself some love, and next time you inevitably bump into him and her, you look fabulous, and walk off ignoring them.

The antidepressants should start to work soon, and will take the kicked in the stomach feeling away. If you start to feel worse, which can happen, ring the GP for an urgent appointment.

Your friends are disgraceful … it says more about them than you. Did you share friends with your ex partner and they for what ever reason as side taking instead of just acting like reasonable and fair adults?
sorry you find yourself in this situation…as a pp said, hope you can find a way to be with your friends / family soon. In the meantime there are a few groups you could join,, happy to send ideas but don’t want to overwhelm you.

Hi nooneknowsitsme I hope you were able to pick up the prescription today and that you will feel the effects of the medicine soon.

The weekend is coming up and I was wondering if your long distance friends would think of meeting you on the halfway drive.

If they can’t try and keep busy plan walks in green places or even in a mall but don’t stay at home.

@nooneknowsitsme I once had a birthday post split up staying in a room in a shared house , everything that could go wrong had gone wrong— not a single card or call in my early 30s - and no one I felt close enough to reach out to either- my mother would have been unsympathetic if I called her, my dad wasn’t interested in anything but his own issues at the time. It was quite awful and I felt a failure-a year later I was 3 months off getting married again , lots of new friends and living in a tiny flat with H but in a lovely bit of north London-decent interesting job, new friends , life can turn on a sixpence lovely - it just doesn’t feel like it at the time- someone once said to me to always remember that ‘this too will pass’ and whilst it’s not always applicable especially with health situations, in relationship situations it has stood me in good stead- look after yourself first and formost - force yourself out to all kinds of things that get you out after a while, enjoy eating things you love , listen to music you love, do some really good self care-drink lots of water, sounds cliched — but I found it helped

Oh and he’s a total prick - sneaking around buying houses without at least a decent conversation to say why it no longer worked- hope it goes horribly wrong - she’s a right charmer too unless he totally lied to her about the situation.

Thank you for your replies and helpful comments.
I didn't go to work yesterday again, just physically felt too shaky and spaced out. Had double counselling session yesterday, mainly where I just talked about how it feels to be at the lowest point of my life, and yes as mentioned by poster above, a total failure. I had to ring the Samaritans again last night due to the sheer panic and despair.

In response to a question above, most of these local friends were mutual friends (and neighbours). Only one person wrote Happy Birthday on our WhatsApp group chat, no one else did, so I left that group chat the following day. I guess I've been banished to become the single woman that no longer fits in a group of couples social pariah, what a total cliche........
I know it will take some time to make new friends.

I'm intending to go to work later today, to force me to be 'normal' for a few hours.

@Crikeyalmighty thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you got the happy ending you deserve.

@nooneknowsitsme I wish I knew you so I could give you a massive hug xx For the moment, you need to be your best friend. At the moment the only person you can definitely rely on is you - once I took everyone else out of the equation and focussed on being my own best friend, it simplified things a little. Even though my split from my exH was amicable and we are still friendly 10 years later, I still scuttle away like a frightened mouse when i see him or his new wife in town! It must be so hard for you with the bastard living just round the corner. Please keep posting here - there are so many lovely ladies who have been through similar who will help and lots of people like me who just want to help xx

Do you have any other family, OP? Someone you could go and stay with for a few days for company? I’m so sorry you are going through this. The antidepressants will start to work soon and you’ll feel like you’ve got more get up and go. Then hopefully you can start to heal, slowly. Sending love ❤️

There are lifelong friends and situational friends and sometimes they’re hard to tell apart. Neighbours, school parent friends, pub friends - they can all be examples of situational friends. It still hurts but it’s not personal - had you moved away, the same thing would have happened.

I wonder if you actually need to stay in the same area? He has moved on and worrying about bumping into him isn’t healthy but is understandable. Is there a cheaper area where you can get a ground floor flat that suits your cat?

How are you doing @nooneknowsitsme ? I hope your weekend was ok.

I don't think I've read a thread before that's made me feel just 'awwww' for the person writing it.
Your birthday posts were heartbreaking but I wanted to say I hope you're OK. Birthday 2026 will be with a totally new life under your belt too.
Big hugs.

Another one here to say hello and to send you a huge hug! Are your family or oldest friends nearby, if not, can you reach out to them? Look after yourself @nooneknowsitsme

I hope you are recovering! Sending you strength x