I just want to say how sorry I am for everything you’re going through. What you’ve described is devastating—grief piled on top of betrayal—and the way your partner has treated you is nothing short of cruel. Messaging his affair partner while you’re crying on the sofa is callous beyond belief, and his emotional abandonment during your father’s illness and your sister’s death is unforgivable. You’ve been carrying an unimaginable weight, and he’s chosen to add to it rather than support you.
Please know this: none of this is your fault. His choices—his affair, his detachment, his cowardice—are all on him. They say far more about his character than they ever could about your worth. You deserve so much better than this man, who has proven time and time again that he lacks basic empathy and integrity.
Practical advice: don’t overlook the house he’s buying. If you’re still legally married, that house is likely a marital asset, and it should be taken into account during divorce proceedings. If he’s using joint funds—or even funds he claims are solely his—you will have a claim to it as part of the financial settlement. Speak to a solicitor as soon as you can. It’s critical to protect yourself and ensure he doesn’t leave you short-changed while he sets up his new life with someone else.
Finally, I want to remind you of your strength. You’ve endured more than anyone should have to bear, and yet here you are, still going to work, still reaching out, still trying to find your way. That’s resilience, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You deserve love, support, and a life free of his selfishness. This year, let it be the one where you start reclaiming your life and building something better—for yourself. You’re worth so much more than this.