Can't tell him about my work

[stopaskingme]

Just that really.
Been seeing a wonderful man for almost 6 months and I see potential in a future together. All is great on that front.
Issue is that I can't tell him exactly what I do for work. All I'm allowed to tell him is that I work for the Civil Service, and they steer the conversation on to something else.
At first he was ok with my Civil Service answers but lately he's been asking more about exactly where I'm based, a work address, emergency contact number and so on. I move around, no fixed work address and he has my family's contact details in the event of any emergency.
How do I get him to stop being so pushy about wanting to know the ins and outs of my work? I've politely asked him to respect my explanation that I'm a Civil Servant but he's like a dog with a bone!

Something smells wrong here. I was married to someone in a similar job with vagueness around exactly what they did etc.
If you've been dating for 6 months, with that type of job you have surely had to get him a basic level of vetting by now. We didn't get beyond a month before they checked me out.
If work don't know and he's not been checked out, you need to tell work about your relationship and get advice. There will be approved info that you can give him once he's had the basic vetting. Or you'll be told to get shut of him PDQ.

@TheBramley Indeed. And family never ask.

I had a friend who was a Russian interpreter who worked for the FO, possibly GCHQ, it's a long time ago and I can't remember now. When asked for more detail, she just said she'd signed the Official Secrets Act but she was allowed to tell us she cleaned the loos.

all the subterfuge. FFS we all knew what Stella Rimmington did before she retired.

Emergency contact maybe not, but 'where do you work?' is a normal question and if someone told me the organisation my next question would be in which part of town? Maybe not exact address, but general area is normal. I know the general area where all my friends work.

I think GCHQ people are allowed to say they work there without giving more details.

this is one thing that completely bugs me in films/TV shows.

The one goes off and does a bit of undercover/can't-talk-about-it stuff. And on return everyone is snippy with them because they didn't tell wife/colleagues about their super secret undercover thing. As if. God it is nearly as galling as people chucking loaded weapons around and nobody ever gets a sodding ND. FFS

World have thought this was day one of a
Spy...sorry I mean civil service training

Is that you 007?

He has 2 different British passports which are used for different trips. Standard practice.

Just be vague, say you work in policy and are based in various locations with some home working. I can't imagine he'll want more details and if does I'd agree with others that it's weird, overbearing and is another issue entirely.

I had to sign the OSA when i left my Civil Service job in 2017 so people do still sign it. But you’re totally right about the rest

🤔🙄

The OP has written one post, then disappeared. I hate it when they do that!

Yes, that's what they are told in training.

It’s a bit weird after only 6 months to want emergency contact info. Whether you could explain your job or not.

He must know you can’t go into detail too so him pushing it is a red flag for me.

Just give him the name and number of a cousin or old friend so if he genuinely had to call they’d know how to get hold of your parents/siblings and if he didn’t you’d hear he’d called.

I've had this, just make up a job very similar and leave it at that.

OP (or should I say Miss Moneypenny), by the law of averages you are going to meet a partner who cannot be fobbed off forever with vague platitudes. I would've thought you had developed or been provided with a story to cover such eventualities.

thanks for ur service queen. Is Slow Horses like real life?

Say, I've told you all I can tell you so please don't ask me again as this is causing me annoyance. I'd consider ending it tbh. One of my dc works in a job where he can't tell me anything. I only know their job title as I'm his mum and knows I'll not tell a soul.

Shaken not stirred?

Your partner of 27 years didn't know where you worked?

The OP opened up a thread and disappeared after one initial post. Must have gone on a ‘top secret’ assignment.

Can I just say I love this thread. Perhaps in 2025 "I think he's a honeytrap" will be the new "I think he's a cocklodger" 🤔