Can't tell him about my work

[stopaskingme]

Just that really.
Been seeing a wonderful man for almost 6 months and I see potential in a future together. All is great on that front.
Issue is that I can't tell him exactly what I do for work. All I'm allowed to tell him is that I work for the Civil Service, and they steer the conversation on to something else.
At first he was ok with my Civil Service answers but lately he's been asking more about exactly where I'm based, a work address, emergency contact number and so on. I move around, no fixed work address and he has my family's contact details in the event of any emergency.
How do I get him to stop being so pushy about wanting to know the ins and outs of my work? I've politely asked him to respect my explanation that I'm a Civil Servant but he's like a dog with a bone!

I agree, I think people who think it’s odd must have very weird relationships where they dont care much about the other person!

Can't blame him for being curious though

What do you do? I want to know

I moved into a new field of work 2 years ago, previous to this my husband would have known everything about my job as we were in the same profession. Now I’d say he doesn’t have a scooby about what I do all day!
Just tell him you’re 007. And butt out!

He should be so lucky. All I heard about for 30 plus years is the fine detail down to what everybody in work had for lunch who used up the staples or photocopier paper, every single day. Sometimes even 3rd hand stories about someone at work's uncle who bought a new car or what someone's cousin fed their dog and so on. Did my brain in listening to an hours worth of nothing every night and even on the weekends.
As it is, tell him you are in one of the security services and know a man that can do away with him if he asks too many questions. End of.

I had a job about twenty years ago where I had to be vague about details of my job. I realised recently that I may as well have worked for MI5 or 6. Sometimes things become public knowledge and of course it's stuff I already knew...

People have never been that interested in what I did day-to-day. Most jobs have a level of confidentiality whatever industry you're in (Was always fascinated to see men on the tube discussing highly confidential PowerPoints).

It's alarming that he feels he needs to know so much about your job. I would be saying stuff like "If I told you, I'd have to kill you" or joking that your real name is Mish Moneypenny or James Bond.

You're clearly an absurd narcissist.

FGS it doesn’t have to be ann ‘extreme’ job, like a spy - OP could be a benefits assessor, fraud investigator, particular type of social service officer, probation officer. They could work with vulnerable adults, children or victims of crime or domestic violence - whatever it is, it’s none of our business.

OP, I would have a simple conversation with your BF - explain that you deal with sensitive information and / or contacts and that you cannot share a lot of detail about what you do. He has your contact information and emergency contact details in your parents - that should be enough. If he won’t let it rest then I think you’ll need to end the relationship - he should trust you enough to respect your need for caution / privacy / professionalism…

Really?!?! What else did you expect to happen?

Tough being a bloke sometimes - that knife-edge balance between being labelled 'too disinterested' in a partner or 'too overly-interested' when, maybe, you are just trying to get to know them a bit better and see if you might have a meaningful future together. Maybe he thinks you are a lady of the night and is asking questions to try to trip you up. As 90% of the UK seem to meet their partner through work, how about going out with a colleague - there would be no need to keep asking each other about invisibility cars and ejector seats then.

The OP’s not been back 😮. Should we … call someone? Maybe the batphone or Judi Dench??

Can't be too careful. She could be trying to fight her way out of a padlocked bag in a bathtub right now and would be glad of a hand.

None of the jobs you’ve mentioned impose such onerous secrecy requirements on employees, possibly excepting someone working a really high profile fraud case as an undercover operative. No one working such a case would post here asking for advice on what to tell a new partner about their job unless they were a) in their first week and b) looking to get fired imminently.

Someone is going to have to make that damn call: I cannot live with that bath scene in my mind for the rest of my life, goddamit.

288 posts and not one response from the OP.

Its still the school holidays folks - little Johnny's mum has left her Ipad lying about, logged into MN....

😂

I think that sums up how genuine a thread it was

That's a bit puzzling, I always thought that Mumsnet WAS run by MI5.

“I’m a spy.” “Damn…ex-spy.”

Don't believe this is real. Troll thread

As far as I've read, you haven't reacted at all so maybe MI5 got you terminated?

I couldn't imagine any partner not wanting to know. Not an easy one. I would say you did something similar with the CS and purely administrative.

I get that only knowing someone for 6 months doesn't need to know exactly where you work or work contact details.
But being/ married to someone for 27yrs is a different story. Surely you would know information about each others work situation and have emergency contact details for each others employers.