Page 6 | Can't tell him about my work

EPN · 31/12/2024 13:22

foxyfoxedfox · 31/12/2024 11:59

I’m having trouble believing you’re a civil servant. People who work for MI5 or MI6 will say they work for the home office or FCDO respectively and have cover explanations they can give about what they do. People who work for departments with higher security requirements like the FCDO can share that they work there. I’m struggling to think of a genuine civil service occupation where you wouldn’t have a ‘civilian’ explanation you could give. Maybe he thinks you’re a fantasist as you’re being needlessly secretive and evasive and frankly you sound like one?

I don’t think it’s that weird to want to know how to contact your work in an emergency, eg DH and I have numbers for each other’s line managers, but six months seems early for that.

Edited

I agree with this if your really couldn't tell people you wouldn't be telling them you couldn't tell them you would have had a cover stroy from the start.

fuuwan · 31/12/2024 13:23

You need to use the cover story and contact details your employer has given you.

FeegleFrenzy · 31/12/2024 13:23

Can’t you just tell him that you can’t talk about it? I had an ex who couldn’t tell me what he did apart from that he worked for the govt…..which I know sounds a bit batshit but he was a long term friend of my brother’s and my brother said he was kosher.

ARainyNightInSoho · 31/12/2024 13:23

126 replies and OP hasn’t bothered to engage. I doubt she will be back.

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2024 13:24

I perceive Jamesina hasn't returned to the thread as yet.

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:24

is this the first romantic relationship you’ve had since being in this job? how have you told past partners?

what do you tell friends?

Bit dodge that he’s being pushy.

Scaredandalonepls · 31/12/2024 13:24

stopaskingme · 31/12/2024 11:52

Just that really.
Been seeing a wonderful man for almost 6 months and I see potential in a future together. All is great on that front.
Issue is that I can't tell him exactly what I do for work. All I'm allowed to tell him is that I work for the Civil Service, and they steer the conversation on to something else.
At first he was ok with my Civil Service answers but lately he's been asking more about exactly where I'm based, a work address, emergency contact number and so on. I move around, no fixed work address and he has my family's contact details in the event of any emergency.
How do I get him to stop being so pushy about wanting to know the ins and outs of my work? I've politely asked him to respect my explanation that I'm a Civil Servant but he's like a dog with a bone!

If this was really really real, you’d have come across this before and have some sort of cover story. Say you work in Operations for HMRC or something.

Threelattesplease · 31/12/2024 13:25

Cheesandcrackers · 31/12/2024 12:29

So you can't tell him what you do. Which implies you're in the security service. But then you come onto Mumsnet of all places to ask how to conceal what you do. I'm pretty sure this would be a key part of training so perhaps you're perhaps not as important as you think you are....

Or possibly the escort business or pharmaceutical?

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:25

Scaredandalonepls · 31/12/2024 13:24

If this was really really real, you’d have come across this before and have some sort of cover story. Say you work in Operations for HMRC or something.

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exactly

unless the OP is 17 and this is her first close relationship… she’d have encountered this before

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:26

Threelattesplease · 31/12/2024 13:25

Or possibly the escort business or pharmaceutical?

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escorting in the civil service?

rebmacesrevda · 31/12/2024 13:26

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2024 13:24

I perceive Jamesina hasn't returned to the thread as yet.

Give her a break. She's away on His Majesty's Secret Service duty after all.

RainbowSlimeLab · 31/12/2024 13:27

foxyfoxedfox · 31/12/2024 11:59

I’m having trouble believing you’re a civil servant. People who work for MI5 or MI6 will say they work for the home office or FCDO respectively and have cover explanations they can give about what they do. People who work for departments with higher security requirements like the FCDO can share that they work there. I’m struggling to think of a genuine civil service occupation where you wouldn’t have a ‘civilian’ explanation you could give. Maybe he thinks you’re a fantasist as you’re being needlessly secretive and evasive and frankly you sound like one?

I don’t think it’s that weird to want to know how to contact your work in an emergency, eg DH and I have numbers for each other’s line managers, but six months seems early for that.

Edited

I agree with this. I knew someone who worked for MI6 (though it wasn’t confirmed until he died). We had an emergency work number for him which I used once and I was out through to him though I have no doubt our conversation was listen to. His cover story was believable and fooled my family for many, many years.

DivineHour · 31/12/2024 13:28

Chocolately · 31/12/2024 12:48

I am a biscuit designer, but can't talk about my work. The biscuit industry is cut-throat, dontcha know. 🕵️🍪

Well, obviously. You might disclose how they get the figs into the figrolls and then civilisation would go to hell in a handcart.

ARainyNightInSoho · 31/12/2024 13:29

@trendingdiscussion Escorting in the Civil Service? Yes, maybe a honeytrapper

loverofpants · 31/12/2024 13:29

@ErniesGhostlyGoldTops oh I dated someone last year who said he was a biscuit designer because of his role with MOD... I wonder if that's their common cover story 😂

Liddlemoreaction · 31/12/2024 13:29

Perhaps OP is just embarrassed at asking instead of following what they know to be protocol? Love makes people stupid sometimes…

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 31/12/2024 13:30

foxyfoxedfox · 31/12/2024 11:59

I’m having trouble believing you’re a civil servant. People who work for MI5 or MI6 will say they work for the home office or FCDO respectively and have cover explanations they can give about what they do. People who work for departments with higher security requirements like the FCDO can share that they work there. I’m struggling to think of a genuine civil service occupation where you wouldn’t have a ‘civilian’ explanation you could give. Maybe he thinks you’re a fantasist as you’re being needlessly secretive and evasive and frankly you sound like one?

I don’t think it’s that weird to want to know how to contact your work in an emergency, eg DH and I have numbers for each other’s line managers, but six months seems early for that.

Edited

This. I’ve worked with a few high level people (including met MI5 people) and anything they don’t need to tell you they don’t or they have the excuses ready so people don’t probe more.

DissidentDaughter · 31/12/2024 13:31

Click bait nonsense.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 31/12/2024 13:31

Well, firstly, I find this post really odd, so I’m inclined to not believe it.
But secondly, if it’s true, maybe he’s like a dog with a bone because you’re being needlessly evasive about it, perhaps to make yourself sound more interesting.
With civil service jobs, you don’t have to hide your job from loved ones-you can’t go around telling strangers though.
You just can’t discuss the ins and outs of your job.

Either stop being weird with him, or stop posting untrue threads on the internet.

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:33

ARainyNightInSoho · 31/12/2024 13:29

@trendingdiscussion Escorting in the Civil Service? Yes, maybe a honeytrapper

huh

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:33

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 31/12/2024 13:30

This. I’ve worked with a few high level people (including met MI5 people) and anything they don’t need to tell you they don’t or they have the excuses ready so people don’t probe more.

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how do you know excuses?

FeegleFrenzy · 31/12/2024 13:37

Why does he want an emergency contact number? I don’t have one for dh’s work…he has a mobile and I assume if anything happens to him at work then his work will contact me. I don’t know his work address and actually i don’t know the company name either. 😆. Maybe i should be more interested in what he does!

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:41

FeegleFrenzy · 31/12/2024 13:37

Why does he want an emergency contact number? I don’t have one for dh’s work…he has a mobile and I assume if anything happens to him at work then his work will contact me. I don’t know his work address and actually i don’t know the company name either. 😆. Maybe i should be more interested in what he does!

this is properly odd

rebmacesrevda · 31/12/2024 13:41

FeegleFrenzy · 31/12/2024 13:37

Why does he want an emergency contact number? I don’t have one for dh’s work…he has a mobile and I assume if anything happens to him at work then his work will contact me. I don’t know his work address and actually i don’t know the company name either. 😆. Maybe i should be more interested in what he does!

If he tells you he's a biscuit designer.... be VERY suspicious!

JudgeJ · 31/12/2024 13:42

Zanatdy · 31/12/2024 11:57

It’s a normal question surely? Is for me anyway

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Lots of people, many on here, work in jobs where they are expected to maintain confidentiality.