Loan outstanding to our son is causing weekly abuse

[Tiredtrudy]

I'm not sure if I'm being the unreasonable one here. We moved two years ago. Our adult son (now 25) was living in London. Our mortgage offer came up £20k short and he covered the shortfall with a loan (we had maxed out on the house due to our ages). Payments to be paid by us, and his terms were he wanted to move in to save for a house deposit. That was eighteen months ago. During that time I became seriously ill and will not recover. I'm the high earner. I'm waiting to be medically retired. These things are never quick as insurance doesn't want to pay.
He has paid nearly all the monthly payments as I've been unwaged but never given us any keep. He might buy the odd takeaway. Anything he pays for is recorded on a spreadsheet which I didn't know existed until recently.
The monthly payment is £400 the same as many friends charge their adult DC. He eats a lot. He earns more than his father who is in his 60s and still working to keep a roof over our heads. We also have a younger DC at home who is at a local University.
Things have come to head as he wants to buy this spring. I haven't been able to confirm if I can give him this money back then. He is now forcing us to sell our home (which we do need to due for mobility reasons). We have equity in the house to repay him and move to a smaller property.
I'm now expected to give full weekly updates on our finances and any accessible work options I might be applying for. If I don't give him this information he flys into a rage screaming at me and telling me I've ruined his life.
The payments he has made are less than 10% of his take home pay.
He had mostly a private education and I paid off his sports car finance two years ago. He's never offered to take that off 'the bill'.
My DH has told him I'm ill and when the house is sold he can have his money. It doesn't seem to be enough. My husband things he's a privileged brat.
To punish us he refused to attend a family party at the weekend. Yesterday he shouted at me for an hour. I was crying. It turns out he had promised his GF a house last year. She was going to leave him as this hasn't happened.
Due to my health I am barely able to walk. I can't just go and work in a shop or warehouse. He does stay with his GF a couple of days a week and we all breathe a sigh of relief. I'm not frightened of him but he is so nasty to me. I don't know what to do.

He doesn’t ever talk to her, only screams, but also pays for some family takeaways. Make it make sense.

This is all incorrect.
He wanted a car at 18 and his dad took out the loan. He paid a few months and it was left to my husband to pay for it. I paid it off after my DH had to change his job. It was for £20k. He still has the car.

I lost £100k whilst I was on sick leave last December. My fellow director stole it from the payroll. He's been charged. Another's in prison. My fault? I wasn't the CFO. I don't expect to see this again. Yes I intended to pay the loan off early from these wages, bonus, holiday pay etc but I never stated this to the DS. If he had his eye on it he was eves dropping.

Unless by "property development" op means "Minecraft"....

Op does your DH own other property?

Your DH took out a £20k loan so your son could have a £20k car at 18?!

Even though you were a high earner then?

You then paid this off for him after loosing all of your money to fraud and then 6 months later got him to take out a £20k loan for you??

Sorry OP but this is getting more and more unbelievable by the minute.

A £20k car for an 18 year old? (At prices 7 years ago?)

But he'd been working as a property developer for 4 years. Could he not buy the car himself?
There seems to be a theme in your family of taking out loans on behalf of other people, and the repayments not being made!
Also, a £20k car for an 18-year-old. WOW. Who paid for the insurance?

Sorry to hear you were a victim of fraud, particularly whilst unwell. That is a truly shit situation and of course not your fault.

Why would your DH take out a loan for an 18 year old to buy a ridiculous car?

You put your children through private schooling but took out a loan you couldn’t afford to buy an 18 year old a car?

Sounds like buying beyond your means to appear flash isn’t a new thing!

OP was more than capable of repaying the loan until she fell sick. She also had the foresight to take out an insurance policy which would pay out in these circumstances but hasn't just yet. She needs to sell her house anyway because of her diminished mobility. Her son AGREED to a 4 mth repayment plan but has brought it forward. What would have happened had she not fallen sick? She'd still be paying the loan down at £400 a month with half left yet to go at a time when her spongeing son who earns ieo £4k A MONTH NET and hasn't even paid his pitiful keep of £300 p/m suddenly says "You've got to pay it all down now as I want to buy a house."

BTW, he was right about the house being a good buy as OP acknowledges, for those of you thinking he's too young to know much about anything. The inability to repay the loan was not in OP's control; the revised timelines are being driven by the son and his GF.

The reason it was said to be paid off earlier was so the son could rent a property.

A loan in someone else’s name wouldn’t affect your ability to do anything - it wouldn’t have come up in the credit search or affordability check.

The whole thing is ridiculous.

What are you talking about? I can’t make head nor tail out of this.

Sorry OP but this is getting more and more unbelievable by the minute

This is also my thinking, and let’s hope we’re right because otherwise it’s an absolute shit show.

@rebmacesrevda I paid the many thousands of insurance.
We are a different culture and money is lent between family members.
£20k car, yes wow. I didn't know it had happened.

DS worked in a family members property business. He is capable of buying a cheap house and making it look fantastic.

Feel for you @Tiredtrudy and what you're going through.

Your son should be ashamed of himself over his behaviour. I don't say this lightly, but I'd be considering cutting him out of your Will after this.

It does sound like his GF is a gold digger, but no doubt, he'd not listen to you over that. I'd be damned if everything I worked for ended up in hands of a gold digger. Or if you don't want to completely cut him out of your Will, leave him a poignant £20K only.

Mmm, he’ll only inherit the house if the wills are not changed and his parents still own it when the last one does. It is in no way his property. Living there rent free means nothing.

Well, aside from the grammatical errors I made.

The overall points were that OP accepted 20k from a 23 year old, and then allowed him to live in their home despite saying her husband and daughter are frightened of him.

Which you are correct, doesn’t make sense.

@Tiredtrudy so sorry that you are going through this.

if he’s scared you might die, it might help to remind him that the pressure and stress you are going through are not the route to good health.

Id be telling him to move out unless he sorts his behaviour out. The loan does not give him a right to your home or to abuse you in this way.

he should be ashamed of himself.

Unless by "property development" op means "Minecraft"....

😂

Yes this makes no sense. Some truths being bent I think.

Which makes him moving in with them 6 months later even more odd!

So they paid thousands for him to move out and rent.

Then 6 months later he takes a £20k loan and moves back in.

And you are right - if DH bought the car by taking a loan out - why would that affect DS renting?

And why would OP need to pay it off before DS can rent?

Doesn’t make sense at all.

A 20k sports car for a lad heading off to what I assume was oxbridge. Bought with a loan by a dad who is scared of his son.

Its complex to say the least.

My take is that as a family you've always played fast and loose with over extending and borrowing and sadly now its biting you in the family arse. Whether your son has a point or not, its starting to feel like he's the product of what youve created. Sad.

Exactly - I thought everyone knew this? In the event of OP predeceasing her husband, the house will automatically be signed over to him (but perhaps the son isn't aware of this).

And yet neither of you decided to buy a cheap house and make it look fantastic. Why not?

And the value of the house may largely go on care fees… People can be very optimistic that being named in a will leads to getting anything…

@Wonderi totally agree with you, this story just doesn't add up.... like a PP said, it has more holes than a sieve