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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband left us

155 replies

FunTraybake · 29/12/2024 17:55

My husband of 16 years walked out on me and our kids today.
He's not got anywhere to stay as far as I know. There was no argument he has also quit his job without having another one to go to just befre christmas. I am sad and don't really know how I feel apart from crying. I don't have any friends to talk to. Our kids are 13 and 16 I'm not sure they realise he's left for good (he's left a few times for a day or 2 this year as he said stuff was getting to him but he never really said what that was even when asked). He says he can't cope anymore. I'm refusing to text him or to beg him to come back

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 30/12/2024 19:04

It's the most involved he's been with the kids for a while
He has to pretend to his mistress that he is an involved dad.

CandyLeBonBon · 30/12/2024 19:09

DorothyStorm · 30/12/2024 19:04

It's the most involved he's been with the kids for a while
He has to pretend to his mistress that he is an involved dad.

Or it's to assuage his guilt.

RedRock41 · 30/12/2024 19:18

Sounds like for him this has been building up and he thinks he’s at the point he’s just done. In terms of the relationship it seems at this point all very final. Nothing in his behaviour so far to suggest he’s not 💯 serious about it being completely over. Like he’s checked out of the marriage a while back, work now too but wants to be there for the kids. That he hasn’t left them as taking steps to show that. Must be so painful for you OP. Not surprised you’re numb and need/want answers. For the kids though as best you can let them see him and don’t interrogate or involve them. Heart sorry for what you going through. Just need to be extra extra kind to yourself as its too soon to even begin to get your head and heart round it all. Devastating thing to happen.

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 18/02/2025 20:53

chickpea1982 · 29/12/2024 18:00

I know the general trend on mumsnet is to blame the man, but honestly he sounds severely depressed. No one just leaves their family and their job suddenly, with no argument, unless something is seriously wrong. If it was just leaving you then I might think OW, but leaving his job as well? Maybe he needs some support, and withholding contact could be making it worse. I get that you are angry, but what if he is a risk to himself? After 16 years, I'd just try to put yourself in his shoes to try to understand what is going on.

This.
Totally sounds like a severe mental health crisis.
I appreciate you're hurt and angry, but isn't it worth checking he hasn't done (or attempted) something stupid??

Diarygirlqueen · 21/06/2025 12:01

How are you getting on OP? The same thing has happened to my darling sister, so was wondering how it turned out for you. Hope it's all turned out well x

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