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Original poster

Husband left us

155 replies

FunTraybake · 29/12/2024 17:55

My husband of 16 years walked out on me and our kids today.
He's not got anywhere to stay as far as I know. There was no argument he has also quit his job without having another one to go to just befre christmas. I am sad and don't really know how I feel apart from crying. I don't have any friends to talk to. Our kids are 13 and 16 I'm not sure they realise he's left for good (he's left a few times for a day or 2 this year as he said stuff was getting to him but he never really said what that was even when asked). He says he can't cope anymore. I'm refusing to text him or to beg him to come back

OP posts:
SunDash · 29/12/2024 20:07

Sounds like he's having a serious mental health situation.
It's his hour of need, reach out to him, be the same caring person you were before, if you can.
This is not to say it's incredible tough on you.
I hope this resolves.

DelphiniumBlue · 29/12/2024 20:23

Keep a close eye on the bank accounts so you can see if and where he is spending money. Might help you see where he is.

Relaxd · 29/12/2024 20:26

Does sound like a mental health crisis (or less likely, a big lottery win). He may also have been fired or made redundant and be panicking. Either way, reach out. Offer to listen, whatever it is, and that you understand that it doesn’t mean he’ll want to get back together. Have a number for Samaritans handy. I’d also speak to one of his close friends as they may find it easier to get hold of him. Good luck, it sounds awful and must be so worrying.

Bibi12 · 29/12/2024 20:33

Many women suffer from depression, are overwhelmed with crap jobs and domestic work yet somehow it's very rare for them to just throw the towel and walk away from their children.

I'm sorry but I'm not buying depression as an excuse. As many men in his position he knows he can just leave and a woman will pick up the pieces. Men do it all the time because they CAN. Simple as that. It's not to say he doesn't suffer with mental issues but many people do and they deal with it by going to therapy and taking medications, not by abandoning their familes and responsibilities. And what about your mental health in all this?

Original poster
FunTraybake · 29/12/2024 20:37

I know he's not been fired cos we went into his work the other day (he has building keys) and I helped him with some jobs as one of his staff left on the last day before Xmas without doing any of their jobs and they needed to be done before they are back in January.

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 29/12/2024 20:39

I would definitely call the police (non urgent number) and say you're afraid your husband is having a mental breakdown and might be suicidal. Leaving family AND work is extremely worrying. For those saying ow, he wouldn't just walk away from his work if that was the case. I would be really worried before being pissed in this situation.

Horationor · 29/12/2024 20:44

I would be very concerned about him and echo that you should ask the police to check on him.
He sounds like he's having an awfully rough time. Has he seen a doctor recently?
Far better have a welfare check and no he is safe.

Original poster
FunTraybake · 29/12/2024 20:45

Oh and when he left today I didn't scream or shout at him. I haven't been nasty or threatening. Both kids were in the house when he walked out, he then went to the garage and started packing the car with his stuff that was in the garage.
The only thing that prompted him saying something was his dad called to try and arrange to see us over Christmas and after the call I said I didn't want it to be my on my birthday and that I needed to have 1 day to get uniform for dd once the shop reopens on 2nd Jan. He then said he was leaving.

OP posts:
Sdpbody · 29/12/2024 21:10

The OW has given him an ultimatum and he's told her he's left.

They probably work together which is why he has mysteriously quit.

Mangocity · 29/12/2024 21:12

I would report him as a missing person just to be on the safe side.

It sounds like this has been brewing for a while and as painful as it is, you're closer to the end and new beginnings now than you were.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 29/12/2024 21:16

FunTraybake · 29/12/2024 20:45

Oh and when he left today I didn't scream or shout at him. I haven't been nasty or threatening. Both kids were in the house when he walked out, he then went to the garage and started packing the car with his stuff that was in the garage.
The only thing that prompted him saying something was his dad called to try and arrange to see us over Christmas and after the call I said I didn't want it to be my on my birthday and that I needed to have 1 day to get uniform for dd once the shop reopens on 2nd Jan. He then said he was leaving.

He was leaving anyway. Any old excuse would have done. These excuses are tripe.

I admire your calm. I hope you can stay that way when dealing with your h.

Please do use MN for support. Lots of wisdom on here.

AllThePotatoesAreSingingJingleBells · 29/12/2024 21:27

Sdpbody · 29/12/2024 21:10

The OW has given him an ultimatum and he's told her he's left.

They probably work together which is why he has mysteriously quit.

I suspect this too.

Moonwalkies · 29/12/2024 21:31

Bibi12 · 29/12/2024 20:33

Many women suffer from depression, are overwhelmed with crap jobs and domestic work yet somehow it's very rare for them to just throw the towel and walk away from their children.

I'm sorry but I'm not buying depression as an excuse. As many men in his position he knows he can just leave and a woman will pick up the pieces. Men do it all the time because they CAN. Simple as that. It's not to say he doesn't suffer with mental issues but many people do and they deal with it by going to therapy and taking medications, not by abandoning their familes and responsibilities. And what about your mental health in all this?

I know lots on here hate men, but this is such an ignorant view.

Moonwalkies · 29/12/2024 21:32

Sdpbody · 29/12/2024 21:10

The OW has given him an ultimatum and he's told her he's left.

They probably work together which is why he has mysteriously quit.

This doesn't even make sense and is such a reach.

DeliciousApples · 29/12/2024 21:37

Has he been giving possessions away or making any plans for life assurance or anything.

Sorry be I would be worried. I'd be contacting the police to say you fear fir his safety.

If he is as depressed as he sounds he could well do something silly.

I hope all is well though and I'm wrong.

allclassics · 29/12/2024 21:41

Whatt did he say when be came back last time op? What is his deameanor like normally? Fo you have a good marriage or has it been strained for a long time? You sound at the end of your teather to be honest and i wonder if it has been v hard for you for a long time?

Original poster
FunTraybake · 29/12/2024 21:52

When he came back last time he said nothing apart from work was getting to him. I understood that ad I know he has been having a hard time at work. There's more work and they are also restructuring which he has been dealing with (he's the person who is doing the financial impact reports)
The time before I will admit I went crazy at him as he never came home from work and never mentioned anything about not picking the kids up from cadets. I don't have a car so I ended up having to run to pick them up and we then had to walk home at 930 on a Friday night. He only started doing that this year and when he does it he normally turns off his phone.

OP posts:
Glasgow1996 · 29/12/2024 22:06

Sdpbody · 29/12/2024 19:20

OW 100%

Cruel

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 29/12/2024 22:12

How many times has he done this?

For how long each time?

And he turns off his phone every time?

And the dcs were stranded until you realised he was t going to pick them up?

Original poster
FunTraybake · 29/12/2024 22:21

4 times he has done it. Yes he turns phone off well it goes straight to vm and his WhatsApp doesn't show delivered so assume phone is off. He comes back the next afternoon/evening and it's always either a weekend or Friday.

Yes I called and texted him about kids he finally txt around 850 when they finish at 915 and said he wouldn't make it on time. It's over a mile away. That day annoyingly enough they were late out so I wouldn't have needed to run had I known.

OP posts:
Nazzywish · 29/12/2024 22:37

He sounds ill OP. He needs help but equally this is the 4th time this year and he comes back without any explanation to you and just picks up where he left off- completely unfair on you and the kids. This time you need to have a proper sit down chat and ask to seperate properly if that's what he wants or get him some therapy- none of this disappearing back and forth, but also because he sounds like he is in a desperate state and needs the professional help. Also put a family tracking app in place.

Original poster
FunTraybake · 29/12/2024 22:45

I have tracking for the kids but he won't have it and I don't have the password to his phone to add anything.
He says I should trust him and therefore I don't need to track him.

OP posts:
Bibi12 · 29/12/2024 23:00

OP wake up. This man is abandoning his responsibilities because he knows you will pick up the pieces. He has done it repeatedly. Stop buying into depression and mental issues. Lots of people who suffer with bad mental health don't behave that way. Women get postnatal depression and are overwhelmed with life etc, do they just forget their children?
Even when people have mental breakdowns they usually worry about their loved ones and believe their families would be better off without them and then they are very vocal about it. They don't just f**k off and turn their phones off when they are about to pick up the kids (repeatedly). I wouldn't be surprised if there was another woman in the picture. Mental issues or not he is very selfish.

Pipconkermash · 29/12/2024 23:04

He is a selfish cunt. My god. These little walk-outs of his are appalling. Mental health crisis, my arse.

SpringIscomingalso · 29/12/2024 23:09

Is he possibly having had a remote relationship and driving to a new city?