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Original poster

Just told daughters I won’t be babysitting

577 replies

SpryCat · 27/12/2024 23:17

I have two gorgeous toddler Gs’s by my two daughters, I look after the eldest Gs, one afternoon a week, I pick him up from nursery and cook his dinner till dad picks him up and have my youngest Gs another afternoon to give his mum a break. I have been given a long a list of rules I must follow to the letter. My youngest Dd is always having a go at me for not following all the rules, I asked her if we could have her son for a couple of hours tomorrow and got a long list of things she is not happy about, mainly (as she was at work) we had her partner with their son, my other daughter with her partner and son over on Boxing Day and eldest Gs was play fighting with my H and he jokingly said Gs was a thug. It was all reported back to the daughter who was working that day by her partner and her sister. She blamed us for her son’s bad behaviour (he is 2.5 years old) and I said we won’t be looking after Gs again as so shit at it. I text my other daughter and said we won’t be looking after your son anymore because we turn children into thugs. So fuck it, let then look after there own kids as they so perfect.
I didn’t want to hear back from them and was so het up I blocked them from messaging back. I only messaged one daughter to have Gs for a few hours tomorrow and I get aggro.
No matter what I do I get arsey messages, It does my head in.

OP posts:
Lostinmusic22 · 28/12/2024 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2024 00:35

takealettermsjones · 28/12/2024 00:31

Do you mean me personally, or OP? Not sure what you're getting at, sorry. I was asking the OP to clarify the "rules" so as to comment on whether she's BU or not.

Show quote history

She is suggesting that this rule should be added to your list

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2024 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OFFS

Original poster
SpryCat · 28/12/2024 00:36

NobleDeeds · 28/12/2024 00:25

And you don’t think there’s any middle ground between rolling over and blowing up and cutting contact?

Yes there is middle ground, I just acted in anger as it’s been going on for weeks now. Usually when younger daughter starts I get numerous angry messages so I blocked them both through really couldn’t face anymore texts. I felt angry and felt my other daughter had told her sister to stir up drama for me. I am too placid most of the time but once I’ve had enough I go OTT, it’s not something I’m particularly proud about.

OP posts:
Itisjustmyopinion · 28/12/2024 00:36

I applaud you OP for not putting up with nonsense from your daughters. They want childcare with rules then they pay for it. They want free childcare then they should be grateful and let the people that brought them up, I am assuming well, do what they want during the time the children are in their care

Too many parents, many of whom are on here act like they are the only people that know how to parent

takealettermsjones · 28/12/2024 00:36

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2024 00:35

She is suggesting that this rule should be added to your list

Show quote history

Right. Well, that doesn't make any sense. Hence my confusion 😂

Cantrushart · 28/12/2024 00:36

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 27/12/2024 23:49

My son at 2.5 didn't have squash (still doesn't at 6) and chocolate was a very occasional thing not just every week at Grandma's. I had rules too, grandparents have had their time to decide what's best. Having said that I was very willing and able to pay for childcare, thankfully all grandparents were of the view they had their time deciding what was best for their children and were happy to go along with what we put in place for ours when they had him (because they wanted to, not because we needed them to). I've never condoned play fighting. It's not something people do with little girls and it's not necessary for boys either. In their shoes I wouldn't be ok with your way, but I just wouldn't ask for any childcare.

Edited

Nobody play fights with little girls???

My Dad and brothers did and I loved it.

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2024 00:37

Lostinmusic22 · 28/12/2024 00:32

I wouldn’t be comfortable with boisterous play. Nor names such as thug being used. Why give them chocolate and squash?

You just sound very difficult, stubborn and old school. Your dds are trying to raise their children well, look after their teeth and bodies and care for them properly. I imagine they felt the need for rules because you don’t listen.

Blocking your dds is really juvenile behaviour and manipulative.

Stop playing games, and start respecting their right to parent how they want to, or you might find the relationship with your grandchildren will really start to suffer.

They can parent how they want to

That doesn't give them the right to tell the OP how to grandparent

I do wonder how these sanctimonious perfect parents think they have the right to ask for free childcare.

OrangeSlices998 · 28/12/2024 00:38

I couldn’t get wound up by boisterous play, my kids love the physical play with dad versus how they play with me. As long as no one is hurt and they understand the limits, a bit of play fighting/tickling/rough play is normal for toddlers IMO. Each parent to their own but I couldn’t expend the energy to care, unless it was becoming an issue in terms of their behaviour or attitude, in which case there is a bigger conversation to be had.

I don’t think YABU OP when your daughters should be grateful you help out; lots of us don’t have that and really wish we did.

saraclara · 28/12/2024 00:39

Cantrushart · 28/12/2024 00:36

Nobody play fights with little girls???

My Dad and brothers did and I loved it.

Show quote history

My little granddaughters were here yesterday and loved a bit of play fighting with their uncle and cousins (and their dad).

echt · 28/12/2024 00:40

That doesn't give them the right to tell the OP how to grandparent

When it comes to the squash and chocolate they absolutely do. Honestly, you have to try quite hard, make real decision to do this. It's not an accident.

Interesting the OP has not been back with the long list.

BettyBardMacDonald · 28/12/2024 00:40

Itisjustmyopinion · 28/12/2024 00:36

I applaud you OP for not putting up with nonsense from your daughters. They want childcare with rules then they pay for it. They want free childcare then they should be grateful and let the people that brought them up, I am assuming well, do what they want during the time the children are in their care

Too many parents, many of whom are on here act like they are the only people that know how to parent

This x1000

takealettermsjones · 28/12/2024 00:41

Itisjustmyopinion · 28/12/2024 00:36

I applaud you OP for not putting up with nonsense from your daughters. They want childcare with rules then they pay for it. They want free childcare then they should be grateful and let the people that brought them up, I am assuming well, do what they want during the time the children are in their care

Too many parents, many of whom are on here act like they are the only people that know how to parent

This attitude is so strange to me... If someone asked me to do the job I used to do 30 years ago, I would remember vaguely of course but I would sure as shit appreciate some updates from someone who's currently doing it.

Lizardqueenies123 · 28/12/2024 00:41

Hi OP, did your daughters specifically ask you to babysit their sons or did you ask them to? If it's the latter then it might be a bit of a blessing in disguise that this has blown up as your daughters can find childcare more suited to their needs and you won't have the stress of it anymore x

saraclara · 28/12/2024 00:41

echt · 28/12/2024 00:40

That doesn't give them the right to tell the OP how to grandparent

When it comes to the squash and chocolate they absolutely do. Honestly, you have to try quite hard, make real decision to do this. It's not an accident.

Interesting the OP has not been back with the long list.

OP doesn't give them squash or chocolate. She keeps to those rules.

Lavender14 · 28/12/2024 00:41

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2024 00:37

They can parent how they want to

That doesn't give them the right to tell the OP how to grandparent

I do wonder how these sanctimonious perfect parents think they have the right to ask for free childcare.

Show quote history

My mum would be SO offended and angry if I put ds in full time nursery and she lost those couple of days with him. And I'd be really sad for ds that he'd miss her and not have that time with her and my dad as they get older. I never had grandparents so I want my child to have that close relationship in his life. I also want him to be safe and emotionally secure while there. Why do I need to pick when I could talk respectfully to my parents about it as long as its within reason? I remember them doing the same when we were being minded by family as children.

Original poster
SpryCat · 28/12/2024 00:44

Lizardqueenies123 · 28/12/2024 00:41

Hi OP, did your daughters specifically ask you to babysit their sons or did you ask them to? If it's the latter then it might be a bit of a blessing in disguise that this has blown up as your daughters can find childcare more suited to their needs and you won't have the stress of it anymore x

I was asked if I would have them.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpryCat · 28/12/2024 00:46

takealettermsjones · 28/12/2024 00:41

This attitude is so strange to me... If someone asked me to do the job I used to do 30 years ago, I would remember vaguely of course but I would sure as shit appreciate some updates from someone who's currently doing it.

Show quote history

I did ask, both daughters are nursery nurses and I’m very interested in how things have moved on.

OP posts:
MauveVelcro · 28/12/2024 00:47

They can parent how they want to. That doesn't give them the right to tell the OP how to grandparent

Ha! I parent how I want. And I expect grandparents to follow our wishes on a number of things that are important to us. So yes, as parent, I absolutely do have the right to 'tell them how to grandparent'. And if they don't like it, they can lump it and not have any unsupervised access to my dc.

Fortunately our family have never had 'withdrawal of free childcare' to be able to threaten us with though.

Lavender14 · 28/12/2024 00:47

@itsjustmyopinion "Too many parents, many of whom are on here act like they are the only people that know how to parent"

Do you not think there are sometimes reasons for that though? My mum is now in a much much better place but she was seriously mentally unwell when i was a child and I brought myself and my sister up. So unfortunately I have no idea what her current parenting style would be because i only know the shit show i grew up with. So I'm trying to tiptoe along the line of not cutting my nose off to spite my face, to encouage a good relationship between ds and his gp, and keep my child safe at the same time. For example she did not know that you're supposed to cut grapes for toddlers and would see no issue with giving him meat or dairy that was expired because she would eat it herself. Most people assume that most people know these things but not everyone does... thankfully she does listen when I ask her not to do these things which I appreciate and we're able to continue on and ds is happy and cared for and I pick my battles.

yipyipyop · 28/12/2024 00:49

If you want someone to look after your child for free you shouldn't be such a control freak.

Sunshine1500 · 28/12/2024 00:49

I think when you are doing your daughters a favour and you only have them a few hours, rules at your house can be more relaxed to suit. they should be more grateful for your help. Although I do think it sounds all a bit over the top, everyone’s reactions seem ott.

Sunshine1500 · 28/12/2024 00:52

Actually maybe you’ve not overreacted if you’ve had constant rules and criticism when you’re only trying to help

TempestTost · 28/12/2024 00:53

UpMyself · 28/12/2024 00:15

My mum looked after her GC (paid). She bought them sweets every day despite rules. They turned out OK.

This is just it.

Yes, there are a few really important things - I wouldn't even call them rules really.

Most other things -it is not a huge deal if granny does things differently. In fact there are benefits to having experiences with differernt people who do differernt things.

I sometimes think many parents have been convinced that if things are done to the letter, their kids will be somehow ruined.

The play fighting thing is very silly, play fighting is really healthy for children.

TempestTost · 28/12/2024 00:57

JammySlag · 28/12/2024 00:30

I pay for childcare because I want the best for my child. I also want to pick up my child knowing they will be easy to do the dinner/bed routine during my work week because they have eaten sensible food, not had screen time and had naps at the correct time. This also means a calm and secure kid too.

However many grandparents including my child are desperate to babysit, but then don’t want to follow sensible rules. It’s not as simple as “don’t take advantage of the grandparents”, many people I know would rather their children were in profession childcare but have been badgered into letting the grandparents babysit.

Show quote history

You know the big difference between GP and paid carers?

The former really love your kids, and will be the ones there for them if the shit ever hits the fan.

The paid careers may have affection for them, but don't love them except in the most general sense, may not even like them, and are only there because you pay them. After your kids leave their care they likely will never see them again.

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