Is it that much of a turn-off when a man never had a GF?

[SharpMember]

The only sex I ever had was what I paid for at age 30 after trying to get it the normal way all my life. I paid for it until I was like 34 but after that age it’s been the same as it was in my 20s. I am 39 now and still single simply because I lack experience in real relationships.

should I give up?

Because you owe that to your future partner?

“secrets you want to take to the grave” are not really compatible with being in a relationship, especially if they’re about something like this.

I’d divorce my husband if I found out he’d paid for sex before we were together, it’d mean he wasn’t the man I thought he was, and it’s a hell of a secret to keep.

Jesus.

Just fuck off mate.

It wouldn't definitively put me off if he was a decent guy. I would worry though that he was simply desperate for a girlfriend, any girlfriend.

What have you actually done to meet women?

Have you gone to social clubs, sports groups, conservation groups and got to know them over many months possibly years?

Have you made an effort with your looks, personal hygiene and general physical 'package'. Doesn't have to be Brad Pitt but need to be clean and well maintained.

Have you made an effort on career and where you live? Don't have to be wealthy but do have yo be a little ambitious and able to bring something to the table.

What do you bring to the table in that case? Why should a woman chose you rather than the next bloke she meets? Treat it like a job interview and sell yourself and make yourself attractive and worth investing time in to.

No, you'd lie precisely because it WOULD matter to her.

With an attitude like that you'll never have a successful relationship.

100% an intel or 14 yr old troll

Incel I mean (obvs!)

Yeah. I think you could’ve spent your money more wisely, a counsellor/therapist would have been more useful. I’m not hearing any understanding what a relationship is and I think that’s probably very obvious to the women who catch your attention.

You. 👏Are. 👏Not. 👏Entitled. 👏To. 👏Find. 👏Someone.👏

A relationship is a privilege not a right.

Sex is a privilege not a right.

I met my DP of 15 years (we have a house and son - putting off marriage due to preferentially wanting a new roof and kitchen 😁) when we were both 36.

I was way more experienced than him but I didn't care. He was just right for me and that's all that mattered.

Not being experienced wouldn't put me off at all - using prostitutes would, though. If I were you I'd keep that to yourself.

Don't give up. The right woman is out there for you.

I see you haven't answered my questions.

I know a lot of people you age, men and women who have never had a serious boyfriend / girlfriend.

I don’t see why it would be a turn-off. And then when you think of people who settle for anybody just to have somebody - then I think a lot more people have never had a genuine relationship than you imagine. Finding a partner is very difficult. At least for a lot of people.

The having paid for sex may put some women off but I imagine many women won’t care (especially when you consider the red flags women over look everyday to have a partner.)

What do you look like?
Do you present yourself well ?

What can you offer a woman and what do you look for? What core characteristics matter and values? It seems like you are hugely fixated on the physical and from the way you talk I wonder if you treat women like objects.

Get to know women naturally as friends with no ulterior motive and redress some of your views would be my advice.

in terms of paying for sex I think it’s entirely wrong. Do you understand consent? Do you think true consent is ever for sale? Should it be for sale?

I genuinely believe that a lot of men seek relationships primarily for access to sex. So I can completely understand why this man would choose to pay when failing to find a girlfriend.

I'm a man, here's my take on it:
-You having paid for it is a red flag for probably 95%+ of women, don't mention it upfront but stop doing it if you are serious with dating, maybe tell people later on once they know you a bit.
-Be genuine, do dating sites or meets etc and don't be the victim, try and be more confident, again dating the victim is off putting for people
-Work out if you are serious about a relationship with someone, including not having much sex. If they have a low drive would you be fine with doing it once/twice a year? If not then you'll need to have an idea of their preferences early on to avoid awkwardness/tension.

• You've been rejected a lot before, ok - is there any theme/overlap with the rejections? Not everyone in the world would not date you because of lack of experience, someone out there will not care much.
• Put your best foot forward/effort in obviously with appearance and presentation. What is your job? Do you work in an unpleasant environment like an abbatoir or something a bit disgusting? Consider changing that if possible.
• If you live with your mum aged 39 that is a turn off, most people want to see independence at that age.
• If you've got strong political views then keep them to yourself, it is probably a red flag to people to rant about it, especially early on
• There will be someone out there for you, just try to avoid coming on too strong/too much info early on and avoid cringy conversation and stories like how you love something specific but hate something else quite similar.

This was my point exactly. The sheer deluge we have of posts from women whose standards are in the gutter I laugh at people who think a man having paid for sex is where a lot of women will draw the line.
LOL!😂

@Balancedcitizen101 up there ⬆gives sound advice

Yes, I wouldn't bother if I was ever interested in "dating" again.
Sorry.

So I should’ve given up at 29?

This is really problematic and shows you believe your entitlement to a woman is more important than her personal boundaries.

There are women who would not care that you have paid for sex. Just find one of those women instead of lying.

Troll.

I see it now.

There was a poster a few months ago, very similar to this one, I wonder if it's the same person.

Eventually we got to the bottom of the issue, he was only interested in dating women 10-15 years his junior even though he literally had zilch to offer. Was on UC and unemployed although had an interview lined up, living in a bedsit, described himself as massively overweight, no friends, didn't go to groups or anywhere to meet women and wasn't interested in it, just played PC games all the time.

And yet still felt entitled to a much younger, attractive, career driven woman because that's what he was attracted to - I bet he bloody was, it was like observing the inner workings of a Cocklodger before it found its lodge.