Oh dear, paying for sex and admitting that was a HUGE mistake.
I have a dear friend very like you, just a couple of years younger, but who has never paid for it and never would. It has pained me to watch him - when he is attracted to someone he is like a puppy, so desperately eager to see her, to talk to her. It's just too much and always, always scares them off. He cannot see it and cannot help himself. He's ready all the books, researched the right things to do / say on dates ... but it's all messed up by how overly keen he clearly is to do things right. It's too intense and a bit off-putting. His self-esteem is shot to bits as a result.
He has recently been spending a lot of time (no ulterior motive, purely platonic) with a female friend who has had a rough time. They've known each other for a good ten years or more, with her both as part of a couple and single. No romantic thoughts for each other at all. He's just helping her out where he can. But having seen how easy and happy they were in each other's company at the pub on Christmas Eve, there's definitely been a change. Tbh, I don't even know if he's realised yet - but they certainly are giving off couple vibes which haven't been there previously. I'll eat my hat if there's not a kiss between them by New Year! I'm certainly rooting for them, they would make a lovely couple from what I've seen of them together.
The difference? He's not putting on an act and trying to impress her. He's relaxed around her and vice versa. It's just strengthened and changing feelings grown naturally over time from a friendship, between two people who genuinely like and understand each other.Because it's been a slow burner, she's not been scared off, because he's just been himself around her, with no underlying thing of "I want a kiss / hope to see you again / would love sex" at the front of his mind getting in the way and actually reducing the likelihood of any of those happening - because he doesn't/ didn't think like that about her. Until recently, it would appear!
There is hope for you op - but don't put so much pressure on yourself that you come off as desperate/ pathetic. Chill out and look for someone you click with as a person, rather than searching for "the one" or "someone who'll sleep with me." If you're at all like my friend, you need to build that close relationship with a woman first. Then the rest may follow. Chase the sex and you could well end up alone for good.
And do NOT pay for it again - you will definitely put someone off for a myriad of reasons if that comes out.