Is this unkind, tone deaf or something else?

[maudsch]

Person A - is likely depressed and has asked Person B for time off and space to figure things out and affirmed that a relationship continuation is not promissed for next year - also does not celebrate Christmas at all and likes to spend the day alone - explicited asked to not receive any kind of Christimas messages/wishes.

Person B - travels every year to another country to spend Christmas with family. Messaged Person A on Christmas day a merry Christma message and fake images of Person A’s favourite series character wearing Christmas hats in the snow with Christmas slogans all over it. Note that the series in question is about apocalypse survival and has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas at all.

Person A - replies with a simple ‘enjoy your day’

Next day, boxing day Person B messages again - a paragraph - talking about their activities with the family, the Christmas dinner, the boxing day lunch and the plans for boxing day dinner and signs off with a ‘miss you’ and a kissy emoji, knowing full well that the relationship is on a break

Is Person B just tone deaf to Person A or is it an attempt to burst boundaries?

Do you think Person B is pretending they didn’t understand what is going on?

They have been low key dating for 1.5 years but don’t plan to marry or share a home. One is late 40s and the other mid 50s.

I think you might be overthinking this a little.

Impossible to know what someone actually intends but I'd interpet it as person B trying their best and probably feeling bad and a bit helpless and wishing there was something they could do to help person A feel better. Maybe they don't want person A to feel alone and want them to know someone cares.
In the absence of evidence to the contrary, I'd assume clumsy good intentions.

I think person B is doing normal Christmas chitchat. Or even normal holiday chitchat. Ie. What s/he has done whilst away.

However, if A is unsure about the relationship, B should cut their losses and get on with their life. Don’t let A dictate their future.

Why not just say which one you are, OP? I don’t think it matters in the slightest what term we use for B’s texts, be it ‘tonedeaf’ or whatever — it’s clear that B should move on with his or her life, as the relationship has no future. Both should be more explicit. What does ‘a relationship continuation is not promised’ mean? Has A ended things? Or asked for a break?

To me, there is no such thing as a "break". You are either in a relationship or not. Person B is behaving normally for someone who is in a relationship. Person A is being difficult.
Person A needs to seek help for their depression, but should also either be in the relationship or end it.

Person A is being an arse about it. Clearly dumping B, but in a drawn out, cowardly manner.

B is behaving like a normal human being who is apart from their boyfriend/girlfriend over Christmas. Touching base in a low impact way but clearly thinks the connection exists.

B can probably do better than A if A is overthinking things and also keeping them dangling.

Person A explicited asked to not receive any kind of Christimas messages/wishes.

So it is ok for Person B to ignore the above just because Christmas?

Person A is being a coward and unkind to Person B by not ending things clearly and keeping them dangling.

Person A is sending mixed messages and is getting a normal response in return.

You are clearly Person A. Stop playing games and end the relationship. don't hide behind mental health as an excuse.

Person A is overreacting to a normal exchange of conversation at this time of year. I don't think it's worth getting upset over, it's almost like person A is looking for more reason to distance themselves from person B. If that's the case, just call it a day and do your own thing

Person A needs to tell Person B the relationship is over and stop them dangling on a string whilst moaning about their clumsy but well intentioned attempts to keep in contact, seemingly looking for an excuse to criticise.

Person B deserves better.

Person B needs to accept that Person A is not interested and walk away because Person A is dangling Person B around a bit by implying that maybe a relationship COULD be possible. Also, if Person B cares for Person A, which Person B clearly does, Person B is understandaly worried about Person A's depression.

So Person B needs to wise up and Person A needs to stop being so passive and wishy washy.

Look, you are obviously person A. Stop being unkind to your soon-to-be ex and end it.

They deserve better treatment from a partner of 18 months, and you are both too damned old to piss about like teenagers (or Ross Geller) with this “break” nonsense.

Yes, person B is tone deaf and completely self centred.

Person A is annoying.

Person B is also annoying.

Something else: incompatibility

A and B need to go away from each other and find the things/people that make them happy

Person A sounds like incredibly hard work - probably far more work than they are worth.

Person B sounds kind of normal and like they deserve far better than being treated like shit by Person A

It all sounds like a load of drama from you OP. Not sure why you've bothered with this A and B nonsense as you are clearly A. You need to end this relationship and let the other person move on. It's not fair to keep them dangling.

Person A should stop being so unkind and end this rather than leaving Person B with hope of a relationship.

As you are obviously person A. Please just end this already - and get some therapy.
At this time of year you will get Christmassy messages - we all exchanged Christmas gifs at work before finishing for the break. If you go out people are likely to wish you a Merry Christmas.
If you can't cope with person B's minimal contact then you are not in a state for any kind of relationship.

Person B is being crass and thoughtless, and walking all over person A's boundaries.

Person B absolutely should have respected person A's explicit request not to receive Christmas messages. That was crystal clear and there's no excuse to ignore that.

The second message and the kissy emoji though? I think when you use the expression 'taking a break' you muddy the waters. You imply that the relationship isn't fully over. I actually think it's a really unfair thing to do to someone, to expect them to wait in some sort of 'holding pattern' until you decide one way or the other.

Person A is weird and trying to control B's quite normal interactions. Let them go.

Person B sounds like they have been left in limbo not knowing where they stand and potentially concerned for the wellbeing of person A. To me it sounds like they are checking in and making chit chat.

Person A sounds self absorbed and oblivious to what this would have felt like to Person B to have a decision pending for their relationship and not be allowed to mention what they are doing with their time.

Person A needs to shit or get off the pot and stop making this whole thing all about them

Person A should put on their big girl pants and end things properly with person B. Trying to slowly fade out of the relationship just to avoid being the one to end things, is cowardly. It also inevitably messes with person B's head. Person B, receiving all kinds of mixed and ambiguous messages, is probably just trying to keep something alive which is already dead. But they are only doing so because A refuses to communicate like an adult and end their relationship.

We all know you're A. It's also clear you were hoping for waterfalls of support that person B is in the wrong.
You've obvioously not received that. Now you can conclude that all of us here are wrong, or you can really listen and humbly accept that this is at least partly your doing.

Person A needs to shit or get off the pot - it's not fair on B to keep them on hold.

B probably shouldn't have sent Christmas-related texts, but it's not reasonable to expect people to pretend Christmas isn't happening. They were just talking about their day in the second text.