Is this unkind, tone deaf or something else?

[maudsch]

Person A - is likely depressed and has asked Person B for time off and space to figure things out and affirmed that a relationship continuation is not promissed for next year - also does not celebrate Christmas at all and likes to spend the day alone - explicited asked to not receive any kind of Christimas messages/wishes.

Person B - travels every year to another country to spend Christmas with family. Messaged Person A on Christmas day a merry Christma message and fake images of Person A’s favourite series character wearing Christmas hats in the snow with Christmas slogans all over it. Note that the series in question is about apocalypse survival and has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas at all.

Person A - replies with a simple ‘enjoy your day’

Next day, boxing day Person B messages again - a paragraph - talking about their activities with the family, the Christmas dinner, the boxing day lunch and the plans for boxing day dinner and signs off with a ‘miss you’ and a kissy emoji, knowing full well that the relationship is on a break

Is Person B just tone deaf to Person A or is it an attempt to burst boundaries?

Do you think Person B is pretending they didn’t understand what is going on?

They have been low key dating for 1.5 years but don’t plan to marry or share a home. One is late 40s and the other mid 50s.

Sorry I didn't answer your question, I would say the Christmas greeting was both unkind and tone deaf.

The second message was probably just desperate actually. I think if someone told me they wanted a break I'd end the relationship and they wouldn't hear from me again...

Maybe person B thinks person A needs some kindness at a difficult time.

Or maybe they think person A is doing that 'be a mindreader' bullshit where they say they want one thing but actually want the opposite and it's some sort of 'if you cared about me you'd know' bullshit.

Or maybe B is just desperate and wants A to know they are loved.

If person A wants to think the worst of person b then maybe person A should do person B a favour and properly end the relationship.

Mh issues do sometimes make a person selfish. Person A is being unfair to person B by not being clear o their relationship status and expect B not to share their trip with them. But it will be hard for person A to see that. If it's a newish relationship B would probably be better to walk away. A should get professional help.

Person A is a manipulative arse, they know their so called boundary is painful and punishing to B. This is about making B beg and hurt not about A getting peace and quiet, they could have ended this strange situationship already or blocked them. A likes to be chased and Person B has low self esteem and possibly anxious attachment, they have a need to communicate and A just sets them up for failure.

A stands for ..

Person A needs to not be so manipulative and needs to stop keeping B hanging on.

Person B needs to develop some self worth and tell Person A to take a hike because they deserve to be treated better.

Person A is being a bit of a dick with the space thing and explicit no xmas stuff. Person B should have just let them crack on and got on with their life.

Absolutely person B should walk away and leave A to it at this point.

Person A sounds unbearable and Person B deserves better.

You don’t sound at all compatible.

I don't think one person gets to unilaterally decide what either person talks about. If person A wants to end the relationship, they should do so, not go on a 'break' and expect person B to follow random rules about communication topics.

B is probably terrified that A is planning to harm themselves.

They are doing what you are advised to do if concerned about someone.

Person B is probably unclear about the relationship status so is trying to maintain contact or check in if they know A is not in a good place mentally.

Person A sounds extremely self centred and is controlling communication etc only on their terms. Depression needs to be addressed not used as an excuse for poor behaviour.
Person A needs to be clear the relationship is over and let Person B go.

I think this sounds spot on.

Person B may 'defied orders' but if this ^^ is the case I can understand why.

From the first paragraph it sounds like a half arsed way of telling someone they're dumping them. Person A should have had the courage of their convictions and done it kindly and properly.

Person A shouldn't be using depression as an excuse to behave like a grump. Frankly they sound like a Grinch.

Person A needs to stop messing person B around and end things completely if they don't want to hear from them. Person B needs to end things because they want much more than A is able to give and are now just annoying them.

Whichever person you are (I assume A) you need to end this.

I don't think it's unkind, person B sounds normal and fun. Not sure what to say about A

Person A needs to stop leaving Person B hanging. Person A seems to have all kinds of rules about being ‘on a break’- no kissing emojis- have these been shared with Person B, or are they expected to be psychic?

I think you’re Person A, and you need to let Person B go.

You don't need the validation of MN to end the relationship if that what you want, and I'd say it's clear that it is.

Just get on with ending it properly. But don't give this interaction as one of the reasons.

Person A needs to shit or get off the pot. There's no such thing as a break. It's a cowards way of ending a relationship and cruel to the other person keeping them on the back foot. Especially when they're out of routine and trying to enjoy themselves.

Person A sounds really hard work and should set Person B free to find someone less miserable. Especially when they're so offendable.

You sound exhausting Person A.

Hi Op, my advice is to turn the phone/device off and go for a big long walk. Treat that walk as a holiday to yourself.

When you get back in, treat yourself to a nice hot shower or bath & cuppa & food. Go to bed early with a book. Sleep soundly. Bin social media for the rest of 2024 and think about the same for all of 2025 (note to myself, I need to go the same, it is such a time waster! ).

Treat yourself to a little 'holiday' every day, be it walking or yoga or music. Be kind to yourself. You'll be a whole new person by the time you see B again and you'll know what to do about the relationship yourself then.

It is difficult to see now as you are low for some reason. Focus on the things you can control to improve your health and frame of mind. Everything else is just background noise, so ignore. All best.

Both arses.

Person A sounds extremely hard work and needs to organise professional help. They can’t control and dictate to other adults.

Person B sounds normal and would be well advised to give up on person A and find a person C and get on with normal life. It’s mo way to live being told what you can and can’t speak about.