Is this unkind, tone deaf or something else?

[maudsch]

Person A - is likely depressed and has asked Person B for time off and space to figure things out and affirmed that a relationship continuation is not promissed for next year - also does not celebrate Christmas at all and likes to spend the day alone - explicited asked to not receive any kind of Christimas messages/wishes.

Person B - travels every year to another country to spend Christmas with family. Messaged Person A on Christmas day a merry Christma message and fake images of Person A’s favourite series character wearing Christmas hats in the snow with Christmas slogans all over it. Note that the series in question is about apocalypse survival and has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas at all.

Person A - replies with a simple ‘enjoy your day’

Next day, boxing day Person B messages again - a paragraph - talking about their activities with the family, the Christmas dinner, the boxing day lunch and the plans for boxing day dinner and signs off with a ‘miss you’ and a kissy emoji, knowing full well that the relationship is on a break

Is Person B just tone deaf to Person A or is it an attempt to burst boundaries?

Do you think Person B is pretending they didn’t understand what is going on?

They have been low key dating for 1.5 years but don’t plan to marry or share a home. One is late 40s and the other mid 50s.

affirmed that a relationship continuation is not promissed for next year

Ugh, who talks like this? Person A sounds dreadful, really dreadful.

I hope person B gains enough self esteem to move on

Person B is trying to force things out.

They refuse to accept A isn’t keen on the relationship and wants to break up.

I also think they dont listen. Clearly the message A doesn’t celebrate Christmas and has only gone with it for their sake hasn’t sunk in.

Im going to guess B is a man who can’t comprehend his way isn’t always the only way.
If that’s their reaction at a time when they should try to sweeten things off, then I’d take that as a huge sign that they would be the same for everyday things abd I’d step waaay back.

I also think that A should break up for good and block B.
A is being reign in and it’s never a recipe for sucess. Instead of talking about a break, A needs to stand up for themselves and split up.
And if A is depressed, tackle that when they are alone (I suspect the split will help!)

But it’s B who pushed to keep the relationship going when A wanted to split ‘because B thinks A is depressed’.
Surely, it’s B who created the issue in the first place by refusing the split?

So the one time you've had a Xmas in your relationship, you treated it the way most people do and exchanged gifts. Very unreasonable of person A (I'm assuming you) to expect them to revert back to ignoring Xmas based on something mentioned when you were initially dating. It's much much weirder to not acknowledge Xmas.

Clearly person A wants to break up with B but B doesn't want to. Person A needs to find the strength to carry it through properly. Person B is guilty of wishful thinking and trying to maintain a relationship which is dead in the water.

It's not working. Best thing is to move on

Person A sounds unbearably precious, and should end things with Person B properly rather than being such a coward and talking like a robot programmed with a self-help book ("affirmed that a relationship continuation is not promissed" indeed - who even talks like that?!)

I don't celebrate Diwali or Holi at all, but every year, people I'm close to who do celebrate them send me Happy Diwali greetings, or send me photos of themselves covered with powder paint on Holi. Somehow I cope without demanding that they don't do it, and am happy for them that they're enjoying their celebrations and having fun. Maybe Person A could try that instead of being a misery.

Honestly if you aren't happy move on.

affirmed that a relationship continuation is not promissed for next year

Is this person autistic?

Person A is being unreasonable

It sounds the terms of this break are very vague and need to be clearly communicated. It would probably be easier to simply go no contact for a period rather.

This was not the exact words used by the way but a whole conversation with nuances and what not would be too long to write down - but the point was basically - have no hopes for the relationship

So why on earth not just end it?

Person A needs to let Person B know that

a) they are alive throughout the season and then, after New Year's Day that

b) the relationship is over

Rather than have B wondering whether they've been dumped or something else has been planned for when they are furthest away and unable to do anything about it (other than potentially request a welfare check from the Police).

So why don't you doesn't Person A just end the relationship properly, for pity's sake? What are you actually hoping to achieve by posting here? Let Person B go so that they can find someone who will appreciate them and actually want a relationship with them.

Person A sounds unkind. Person B normal and trying to be cheerful.

I'd be presuming the relationship was over and be getting on with my life/holiday/christmas and not be messaging them on Christmas day or any other day

So rather than using nuance and therapy speak, use plain English to tell your partner that you’re ending the relationship leaving Jo room for interpretation

I agree with the above poster-you are obviously Person A such an annoying way to post about a scenario when it is an anonymous site and you could just use names and if this thread says anything it says that you need to just say it straight out that you want to break up.
Your communication style is wooly versus direct and it doesn't seem like Person B understands what you want-to break up,and the dragging it out and drama is probably very confusing!!

Person A sounds awful- petulant, attention-seeking, and mardy.

B should run a mile.

All this "person A and person B" is nonsense. Just say you and the partner or something.

Person A sounds very precocious and difficult and ought to get help with their depression.
Person B seems to dislike the thought of the other person being so alone at Christmas, which is kind. He/she ought to look for someone else with whom to be in a real relationship.

Just tell the poor ‘person’ you don’t want to be in a relationship and let them go their own way.

Person B seems to dislike the thought of the other person being so alone at Christmas, which is kind.

That’s not kind when said person A wanted to split in the first place and explicitly said they wanted to be alone and not celebrate Christmas.
It’s not because you (or B) feel being alone at Christmas is awful that everyone feels the same and it’s then ok to ignore someone else wishes. That isn’t been kind. That’s looking after your own feelings of inadequacy.

I feel sorry for B, A is cruelly stringing them along while B is trying to be a caring partner.

Goodness sakes just end it and let person B find someone who can make them happy

Person A did not have to open the messages.

Person A needs to stop stringing Person B along and be clear if they want the relationship to end or not … how is B supposed to know where they stand with a message like “have no hopes for the relationship”?

And I’ve been wished well for many occasions I don’t celebrate (Eid, Diwali, Thanksgiving) - I’ve never once been upset or put out or affronted by someone wishing me well, or telling me how they’ve celebrated. I might not care, but feeling negative about it seems a bit much.

Person A should probably be getting some help for their mental health and realising they can’t control other people. If they really care about this arbitrary boundary they’ve put in place and feel it’s being disrespected then they need to end the relationship with B in a way that it clear and unambiguous.