Is this unkind, tone deaf or something else?

[maudsch]

Person A - is likely depressed and has asked Person B for time off and space to figure things out and affirmed that a relationship continuation is not promissed for next year - also does not celebrate Christmas at all and likes to spend the day alone - explicited asked to not receive any kind of Christimas messages/wishes.

Person B - travels every year to another country to spend Christmas with family. Messaged Person A on Christmas day a merry Christma message and fake images of Person A’s favourite series character wearing Christmas hats in the snow with Christmas slogans all over it. Note that the series in question is about apocalypse survival and has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas at all.

Person A - replies with a simple ‘enjoy your day’

Next day, boxing day Person B messages again - a paragraph - talking about their activities with the family, the Christmas dinner, the boxing day lunch and the plans for boxing day dinner and signs off with a ‘miss you’ and a kissy emoji, knowing full well that the relationship is on a break

Is Person B just tone deaf to Person A or is it an attempt to burst boundaries?

Do you think Person B is pretending they didn’t understand what is going on?

They have been low key dating for 1.5 years but don’t plan to marry or share a home. One is late 40s and the other mid 50s.

The information about your friend's daughter changes things for me. I'm so sorry to hear that.

Before I thought she might have been playing games with him but now I think her head is understandably all over the place and she really does need space.

I still think she needs to end it now. She needs to focus on her daughter and herself. I hope her daughter is okay. You're a good friend.

Your friend should be clear about there being no chance of a relationship and let him find someone he can be happy with. She doesn't have the time or headspace for the relationship and she doesn't feel fulfilled or that it is going anywhere so there is no relationship.

He is trying to be caring but she doesnt want him so it's cruel to keep him hoping there is hope when there clearly isn't.

I'm sorry she is going through a shit time but it is not his fault, honestly is the best policy, if there is no hope stop wasting his time. This will also allow her to be more focussed on the things happening in her life too

lol at all the answers that basically say ‘poor man who is been strung along’.

This man is able to take his own decisions fgs. He knowns the situation, knows A has a hell of a lot of problems going on. I’m sure he is able to work out that A has not time to put him center stage and play the bf/gf scenario to its fullest, putting him first.
And that point, he is also able to make a decision of his own. Decide the relationship doesn’t work for him or decide he is happy to step back a bit until A regains her bearings.
But A taking the decision to end it ASSUMING it’s for his own benefit (set him free) and he’ll be happy with it? Nope sorry. He isn’t a child. B can take his own decisions.

Having said that, I think your friend A should end things up @maudsch
Apart from the fact B seems quite pushy (I mean what’s up with telling her she is depressed and therefore doesn’t know what she wants??), she doesn’t feel the relationship is fulfilling. That is enough to say it’s not working for her, regardless of her current situation with her dd etc…

Person A appears to be picky and difficult

However if Person A feels that their wishes are being ignored, even more reason NOT to do the whole stupid "break" thing and END the relationship

I understand she is overwhelmed but stand by it being her place to be clear rather than 'set a boundary ' around no Christmas messages knowing full well many people would send one with no ill intent.

I maintain she wanted him to fail to give her a solid reason to end things with him that didn't come from her. She didn't require that but she did need to be clear. As I say, a break up isn't like a marriage proposal. B doesn't need to accept it. He just needs to be told, clearly, what's going on. It's not fair to make it his fault when I don't think it is really.

Yes of course he can make his own decisions but he's not a mind reader. And A is not ending it, she left the door open because she wasn't clear for a variety of reasons. However if B likes her a lot, and it seems he does care for her, it is not unreasonable to consider this a hopeful situation given time. It obviously isn't hopeful in As mind so it would be a kindness to confirm it clearly.