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Original poster

Dp told me to spend Xmas alone

137 replies

Fatfreefatball · 20/12/2024 14:13

Been with Dp a long time though we don't live together though not that far apart.
I'm not the greatest fan of Xmas anymore as I don't have any family left and my mum died near Xmas. No kids, he has 3 adult kids.

This row started about a month ago when he told me he was only buying a box of chocolates for me for Xmas as he's already spent too much on me. Dp treated me to a UK short break for my birthday in March and he has been really pissed off that I 'spoiled' his birthday by not spending as much on him. For the record I took him for an expensive meal.

A few things - his bills are about half mine and this year he has been gifted at least 80k by his elderly parents.
At the same time, he has told me exactly how much he is spending on his family - 1k, half of that on his spoilt daughter. Now I know that what he spends on his family is not my business but I just feel so unimportant and that I have had my nose rubbed in it.

Whilst all this arguing was going on I was dealing with a worrying health issue (thankfully resolved) but all the stress has caused a bad flare up of IBS again. He is spending Xmas day with his daughter for the third year in a row. I wanted to go away or go out for dinner for a change. With all that's happened I decided to spend Xmas day on my own and see him the rest of the holiday.

Today he started having a go at me saying my tone on the phone wasn't friendly enough (wtf?) and I was always whinging. I admit I've had a shit month with car repair bills, worrying about my health etc but this is petty. He has now told me I'm not going to ruin his Xmas so he'll see me after the holidays. AIBU to think he's behaving like a dick?

OP posts:
randoname · 20/12/2024 14:15

He is. And it sounds like this relationship has run its course.
Flowers

Pensionswew · 20/12/2024 14:15

The relationship sounds toxic and he sounds awful.
Time to rethink the relationship and perhaps move on.
Neither of you sound happy.

Coco1oco · 20/12/2024 14:18

He sounds horrible and I'd be ending it before Christmas. I'm surprised you've stayed with him for so long if what you've said is also indicative of previous behaviour.
Has he never invited you to Christmas with his family?

DaftyLass · 20/12/2024 14:22

I think I wouldn't be in that relationship anymore

TwistedWonder · 20/12/2024 14:22

Why are you bothering with this miserable bastard and this toxic relationship? You’re wasting your life arguing with someone who sounds extremity unpleasant

DaftyLass · 20/12/2024 14:22

And not because vof presents, because of how he treats you in general

Lifestooshort71 · 20/12/2024 14:23

It sounds as though this relationship has run it's course and needs to be ended - you irritate him (rightly or wrongly) and he doesn't care enough about you to overcome it.

Lavenderblossoms · 20/12/2024 14:31

Please give yourself the biggest Christmas ever by dumping this deadweight.

I'm so sorry you've lost your mother. You owe it to yourself to get out there in the new year and create a wonderful life full of many things and love for yourself.

Original poster
Fatfreefatball · 20/12/2024 14:31

@Coco1oco yes I have been for Xmas dinner with his family many times

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 20/12/2024 14:33

What a dickhead! I would dump him.

Eyesopenwideawake · 20/12/2024 14:35

Not 'behaving like' a dick, is a dick.

What are his good points?

HeyPrestoVinegar · 20/12/2024 14:38

Just dump him, there's no point to dating him, he doesn't enhance your life or provide fun or peace which is the entire point of a relationship.
Arguing all year over petty nonsense and resenting each other- no further arguing needed, just inform him he's dumped.

Userengage · 20/12/2024 14:47

This relationship sounds over to me. There’s a bullet to be bitten here.

slightlydistrac · 20/12/2024 14:49

He's an arse and with his attitude, I wouldn't want to spend Christmas with him anyway. My advice would be to do yourself a favour and dump him. Whatever you were going to give him can be donated to a charity instead. Make someone else happy.

TheEllisGreyMethod · 20/12/2024 14:52

Treat yourself this Xmas by getting out of this relationship

Normallynumb · 20/12/2024 14:53

YANBU and you're right, he's a dick.
He's also being nasty, dramatic and unkind
You have not ruined his Christmas
You don't treat someone you love like that.
Wish yourself a happy new year without him in it, and I don't often say that

KezzaMucklowe · 20/12/2024 14:55

LTB.
Have a lovely Christmas at home by yourself doing all your favourite things.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/12/2024 15:11

Sounds like a classic case of him wanting to end the relationship, not having the guts to do it, so pushing you until you do it.

So give him exactly what he wants for Xmas, singledom.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 20/12/2024 15:17

Not going to say anything pp’s haven’t - he sounds horrible and I wouldn’t be staying with him.

I’m sorry you lost your mother.

ThereIsALifeOutThere · 20/12/2024 15:47

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/12/2024 15:11

Sounds like a classic case of him wanting to end the relationship, not having the guts to do it, so pushing you until you do it.

So give him exactly what he wants for Xmas, singledom.

I agree there.
He doesn’t care about you.
And seems to be very transactional in his approach too.
(on the top of what PP said)

ItGhoul · 20/12/2024 15:57

You don't even like each other. Just end it. He doesn't want to be with you.

needapokerface · 20/12/2024 16:20

I think the best Christmas present you could give yourself is to dump the deadweight boyfriend, and start the new year fresh.

Tell him to shove the chocolates up his arse, you can buy your own chocolates, and while you are buying stick a nice bottle of wine in the basket to toast your new life.

Wow what an arsehole he is, let him be someone else's problem next year.

JingleB · 20/12/2024 16:22

You’re calling his adult daughter a brat and complaining how much he spends on her; I always think that’s a pretty good indicator that the relationship is dead.

Lighteningstrikes · 20/12/2024 16:24

You’re both not on an equal financial footing, and you both sound resentful of each other.

It’s actually very cruel of him not to see you until after the holidays.

How much more are you prepared to let him sh*t on you?

Chocolatesnowman2 · 20/12/2024 16:29

No one would treat me like that and still be in my bed come the new year