Dp told me to spend Xmas alone

[Fatfreefatball]

Been with Dp a long time though we don't live together though not that far apart.
I'm not the greatest fan of Xmas anymore as I don't have any family left and my mum died near Xmas. No kids, he has 3 adult kids.

This row started about a month ago when he told me he was only buying a box of chocolates for me for Xmas as he's already spent too much on me. Dp treated me to a UK short break for my birthday in March and he has been really pissed off that I 'spoiled' his birthday by not spending as much on him. For the record I took him for an expensive meal.

A few things - his bills are about half mine and this year he has been gifted at least 80k by his elderly parents.
At the same time, he has told me exactly how much he is spending on his family - 1k, half of that on his spoilt daughter. Now I know that what he spends on his family is not my business but I just feel so unimportant and that I have had my nose rubbed in it.

Whilst all this arguing was going on I was dealing with a worrying health issue (thankfully resolved) but all the stress has caused a bad flare up of IBS again. He is spending Xmas day with his daughter for the third year in a row. I wanted to go away or go out for dinner for a change. With all that's happened I decided to spend Xmas day on my own and see him the rest of the holiday.

Today he started having a go at me saying my tone on the phone wasn't friendly enough (wtf?) and I was always whinging. I admit I've had a shit month with car repair bills, worrying about my health etc but this is petty. He has now told me I'm not going to ruin his Xmas so he'll see me after the holidays. AIBU to think he's behaving like a dick?

Exactly!

Thank you for actually reading what OP wrote.
It seems many of the other posters haven’t done this.

Life is too short to tolerate this shit. Just dump him.

What are you getting from the relationship as it is at the minute? He doesn't sound supportive or kind or even fun.
You're not his priority. Are you ok with that?

Give yourself a Xmas gift and break up with him!

Not your partner, just a wank stain you used to know

What, there’s more to this than, Christmas Day and that’s what other posters have picked up on.
Why are you thanking another poster, It’s not your thread.

It doesn’t say that at all!!
OP says that she’s had Christmas dinner with his family in the past - it doesn’t say she’s been invited for this year or the last few years.
It says her DP wants to spend Christmas with his daughter for the 3rd year running, and he doesn’t want to see OP until after Christmas.
Plus some other things that just sound petty on the DP’s part - criticising her tone on the phone, being blatantly obvious about how much he’s spending on her/his family etc. and feeling he got “less” for his birthday than he gave her.
That’s not a loving attitude.

What's the upside to carrying on dating this man? You don't have to worry about separating a home or children, he treats you terribly, you're alone on Christmas anyway. Why continue?

He is spending Xmas day with his daughter for the third year in a row. I wanted to go away or go out for dinner for a change. With all that's happened I decided to spend Xmas day on my own and see him the rest of the holiday.

He is spending it with his DD as per usual.
OP was invited as usual but she’s chosen not to go as she wanted to go for a meal/holiday and he wanted to see his kids.
So she has decided that she wants to spend it alone.

OP has admitted he took her on holiday and that he usually lets her celebrate it with his family.

But yet somehow he is the bad one because he wants to spend Xmas with his kids (and OP doesn’t want to) and doesn’t want to spend much on OP after already spending a lot on her this year.

There are multiple threads about women making an effort for their DHs birthdays and them not making as much effort etc and everyone tells them to just stop making so much effort in the future.
Yet this guy is doing exactly that and it’s somehow wrong.

If my bf called my child spoilt because I was spending more on her than my partner (which I always do) then I would be running for the hills.

This relationship obviously doesn’t work and neither of them like each other.

Give yourself a Christmas present OP and dump him.
He's nasty.

Why are you wasting any of your precious life on his toxic jackass?

"Dp treated me to a UK short break for my birthday in March and he has been really pissed off that I 'spoiled' his birthday by not spending as much on him. For the record I took him for an expensive meal."

So basically, he 'gives to get'? His outlook on life is very transactional, rather than teamwork/togetherness.

"Been with Dp a long time though we don't live together though not that far apart."
I wonder if you've fallen for the 'Sunk Costs Fallacy'? Have a google on that phrase, I think you'll recognise it. It boils down to whether you choose to "throw good money after bad", or whether you choose to "cut your losses".

What I think you need to be considering is not 'we've been together a long time' because that's the past, and what matters is your future - and whether he has any place in it.