Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp told me to spend Xmas alone

137 replies

Fatfreefatball · 20/12/2024 14:13

Been with Dp a long time though we don't live together though not that far apart.
I'm not the greatest fan of Xmas anymore as I don't have any family left and my mum died near Xmas. No kids, he has 3 adult kids.

This row started about a month ago when he told me he was only buying a box of chocolates for me for Xmas as he's already spent too much on me. Dp treated me to a UK short break for my birthday in March and he has been really pissed off that I 'spoiled' his birthday by not spending as much on him. For the record I took him for an expensive meal.

A few things - his bills are about half mine and this year he has been gifted at least 80k by his elderly parents.
At the same time, he has told me exactly how much he is spending on his family - 1k, half of that on his spoilt daughter. Now I know that what he spends on his family is not my business but I just feel so unimportant and that I have had my nose rubbed in it.

Whilst all this arguing was going on I was dealing with a worrying health issue (thankfully resolved) but all the stress has caused a bad flare up of IBS again. He is spending Xmas day with his daughter for the third year in a row. I wanted to go away or go out for dinner for a change. With all that's happened I decided to spend Xmas day on my own and see him the rest of the holiday.

Today he started having a go at me saying my tone on the phone wasn't friendly enough (wtf?) and I was always whinging. I admit I've had a shit month with car repair bills, worrying about my health etc but this is petty. He has now told me I'm not going to ruin his Xmas so he'll see me after the holidays. AIBU to think he's behaving like a dick?

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/12/2024 16:29

@Fatfreefatball he might be behaving like a dick but I think you would be a dick if you were to see him again!!

FloralMoon · 20/12/2024 16:30

It really sounds like this you should end this relationship. Enjoy your Christmas and go into the New Year as a single woman, not tied down to this utter knobhead!!

Beastiesandthebeauty · 20/12/2024 16:32

It sounds like you don't even like each other.

RickiRaccoon · 20/12/2024 16:36

Sorry, I think it doesn't sound like much of a relationship (not living together after a long time and transactions of who spent this or that and now threats of not having Christmas together). I'd dump him. There are much better relationships out there.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/12/2024 16:37

Userengage · 20/12/2024 14:47

This relationship sounds over to me. There’s a bullet to be bitten here.

I agree with this. It is already over, you don't live together, he has family and you don't seem to like them or want to spend time with them, he whines about your birthday gift, it all sounds acrimonious and pointless.

One thing I will say though, anyone you date who has family will want to spend Christmas with them (and you) and not "go for a meal" or stay at home all day. That is not the problem here, it's everything else.

CoastalCalm · 20/12/2024 16:39

Give yourself the best present and dump him , start New Year afresh - everyone deserves better than that

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2024 16:46

In what way is he a 'partner'

What aspects of your lives do you share?

And he sounds utterly vile so make the New Year without him too

nodramaplz · 20/12/2024 16:51

Im. It usually one for saying dump him. This occasion I think I would kick him to the curb x

MzHz · 20/12/2024 16:54

Omg, bin him already! He’s awful!

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 20/12/2024 16:56

In the bin he goes should be what you’re thinking.

Imbusytodaysorry · 20/12/2024 16:57

Fatfreefatball · 20/12/2024 14:31

@Coco1oco yes I have been for Xmas dinner with his family many times

So why is only he spending Xmas with his Dd for the third year ?

TwinkleLights24 · 20/12/2024 16:58

Dump him and plan your own Christmas. There’s so many posts from people on here who are spending it alone.

Lemonadeand · 20/12/2024 16:59

TheEllisGreyMethod · 20/12/2024 14:52

Treat yourself this Xmas by getting out of this relationship

Exactly this.

lover99 · 20/12/2024 17:05

This guy doesn't love you, I'm so sorry. Download Tinder and start meeting up with cute guys in their 20s.

DecafDodger · 20/12/2024 17:09

He doesn't like you and has made it very clear. I don't know why you're still making plans to continue this 'relationship' - you can do better.

coolkatt · 20/12/2024 17:10

Get yourself some self worth for Xmas and tell this bum hole to gtf. Then go buy urself a fab Xmas present! U don't need a partner to make u feel special do it for urself. Tell him to ram his chocs as well.

Planesmistakenforstars · 20/12/2024 17:10

his bills are about half mine
Why is this? Do you live there half the time?

Regardless it doesn't sound like it will be a loss to just not see him again.

DisabledDemon · 20/12/2024 17:16

Does he enhance your life? Does he bring you joy? Do you look forward to seeing him? No?

You know what it’s time to do.

Vaxtable · 20/12/2024 17:17

Yes he is being a dick, he also sounds like a point petulant miserly child, keeping tabs on what’s been spent on him and it’s not good enough

why on earth are you with him? You are only worth a box of chocolates and are spending Christmas on your own!

Take the time to take a good long look at the relationship, is it really worth it?

asthecrowdwaschantingmore · 20/12/2024 17:17

Sounds like you'd be better off alone than miserable with him.

Dotty87 · 20/12/2024 17:18

He sounds like he doesn't even like you, let alone love you.

Luckily as you don't live together, ending things should be straightforward.

I'd bin him off, and go away by myself instead.

TonTonMacoute · 20/12/2024 17:18

I've got a great new year's resolution for you - ditch this horrible man. He may be a P but he doesn't sound very D.

SquirrelSoShiny · 20/12/2024 17:19

As others have said, give yourself the gift of a new year without him!

DaringLion · 20/12/2024 17:20

You sound a bit money grabby you say he got gifted 80k (so what) he spent 1k on his family (so what) his spoilt daughter (jealous). You DON’T like Xmas .think you both will be happier seperated

2025willbemytime · 20/12/2024 17:20

Why are you with him? Neither of you sound like you like each other never mind love.