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Original poster

Dp told me to spend Xmas alone

137 replies

Fatfreefatball · 20/12/2024 14:13

Been with Dp a long time though we don't live together though not that far apart.
I'm not the greatest fan of Xmas anymore as I don't have any family left and my mum died near Xmas. No kids, he has 3 adult kids.

This row started about a month ago when he told me he was only buying a box of chocolates for me for Xmas as he's already spent too much on me. Dp treated me to a UK short break for my birthday in March and he has been really pissed off that I 'spoiled' his birthday by not spending as much on him. For the record I took him for an expensive meal.

A few things - his bills are about half mine and this year he has been gifted at least 80k by his elderly parents.
At the same time, he has told me exactly how much he is spending on his family - 1k, half of that on his spoilt daughter. Now I know that what he spends on his family is not my business but I just feel so unimportant and that I have had my nose rubbed in it.

Whilst all this arguing was going on I was dealing with a worrying health issue (thankfully resolved) but all the stress has caused a bad flare up of IBS again. He is spending Xmas day with his daughter for the third year in a row. I wanted to go away or go out for dinner for a change. With all that's happened I decided to spend Xmas day on my own and see him the rest of the holiday.

Today he started having a go at me saying my tone on the phone wasn't friendly enough (wtf?) and I was always whinging. I admit I've had a shit month with car repair bills, worrying about my health etc but this is petty. He has now told me I'm not going to ruin his Xmas so he'll see me after the holidays. AIBU to think he's behaving like a dick?

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 20/12/2024 18:14

Sounds like he enjoys being mean to you.
Don't allow him that opportunity any more OP.
You have an obligation to yourself to be happy and he is dragging you down.

I would send him one last text telling him you won’t allow him to ruin your Christmas either - nor your 2025 or any year after that and not to worry about his miserable box of chocolates thanks very much.

katepilar · 20/12/2024 18:14

Sounds like you need to let him go.

CactusSammy · 20/12/2024 18:19

You need to get rid of him. He's an arsehole.

Username2532 · 20/12/2024 18:20

Crackbacking · 20/12/2024 17:32

I don’t see the need for you to be mentioning his daughter as spoilt or how much he spends on his own children. That’s irrelevant to your relationship with him.

You both sound resentful of each other and feel hard done by. I’m not sure what makes him a partner rather than a boyfriend? Your lives seem quite separate.

I’d suggest you split up and next time find a man with no kids if possible. They are rarer the older you are and I don’t know what age you are, but they do exist.

This was mentioned for context, His daughter is an adult, op has said they’ve been together for a long time, it is possible to be in a relationship without living together.This isn’t about someone being jealous of someone’s children, it’s how he’s treating someone he’s supposed to care about, whichever way you look at this, it isn’t the way you treat your partner, especially at Christmas.
It’s quite insulting to say, split up, don’t meet anyone else who has children, like somehow this is op’s fault.He wants it all his own way, a relationship when it suits him.

Moshta · 20/12/2024 18:20

Give yourself a christmas present by getting rid of him, he sounds awful.

Pumpkinpie1 · 20/12/2024 18:20

Why are you allowing this man to treat you like …. OP
Hes deliberately being hurtful
Start the new year with a clean slate.
Being with someone who doesn’t love and respect you is much lonelier than being single .

GoldenLegend · 20/12/2024 18:21

DaringLion · 20/12/2024 17:20

You sound a bit money grabby you say he got gifted 80k (so what) he spent 1k on his family (so what) his spoilt daughter (jealous). You DON’T like Xmas .think you both will be happier seperated

No she doesn't. Why are you trying to make out that she is grabby when he is the one who started complaining about how much she'd spent on him?

Deadringer · 20/12/2024 18:22

Tell him you will be spending Christmas with your hot new boyfriend. Then dump the selfish twat.

mumda · 20/12/2024 18:23

Dump him and have a happy Christmas.

DepartingRadish · 20/12/2024 18:23

CantGetDecentNickname · 20/12/2024 17:44

He is rather money obsessed and there is no element of ever treating a partner without expecting equal spent in return. I get your point about his outgoings - you are trying to say that your disposable income is much less than his but he still expects equal to be spent by you without agreeing an amount in advance.

The dig about you only being worth a box of chocolates was just spiteful. He could break up with you but would prefer to push you into doing it. I would do what the poster above suggests and give simple "grey rock" answers in texts up until Christmas. Don't meet with him or accept any gift - you can say you have the lurgy and no visitors (or just that you're not well, which is true). Then radio silence over Christmas and beyond. He will get the message. Get yourself a nice box of chocolates and a bottle of wine and relax. He is creating a lot of stress for you which isn't helping your IBS. You may find you feel a lot better in the New Year without the stress. Sorry about your Mum. Flowers

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I agree with this - wise advice.

Bowies · 20/12/2024 18:24

I thought you had already decided to spend it alone?

Agree with PP though the relationship has run its course and wouldn’t make plans after Christmas.

Bowies · 20/12/2024 18:25

duplicate glitch as above

Velvetbee · 20/12/2024 18:25

DUMP HIM! For goodness sake woman, you deserve better than this.

DaringLion · 20/12/2024 18:26

GoldenLegend · 20/12/2024 18:21

No she doesn't. Why are you trying to make out that she is grabby when he is the one who started complaining about how much she'd spent on him?

Show quote history

She dos to me (my opinion) well why mention he got 80k from his parents . Why mention he paid 1k on his family’s Xmas presents (it’s nothing to do with her) and why mention the spoilt daughter(jealous)

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/12/2024 18:26

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/12/2024 15:11

Sounds like a classic case of him wanting to end the relationship, not having the guts to do it, so pushing you until you do it.

So give him exactly what he wants for Xmas, singledom.

This!

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 20/12/2024 18:26

There doesn't seem to be any love here from you or him. It's all resentment and dislike. Surely you would be happier on your own?

Username2532 · 20/12/2024 18:26

DepartingRadish · 20/12/2024 18:23

I agree with this - wise advice.

Show quote history

Yes, definitely wise advice.

Love51 · 20/12/2024 18:26

I think he doesn't want to be with you but for some reason doesn't want to be the one to end it. I had a friend like this but I called him out on it in our early 20s and he grew up.
Personally I'd decide right now that you are over. I don't think I'd tell him, rather see how long it takes for him to notice. But as you see him as a 3 dimensional person not just a villain, you might be kind enough to clue him in.

Hyperbowl · 20/12/2024 18:27

It’s a blessing that you don’t live with this absolute fuckwit. Spoiler alert, I definitely wouldn’t be seeing him after the holidays. Cut him loose.

SiobhanSharpe · 20/12/2024 18:27

I have to add my tuppennyworth here he sounds like a waste of space who doesn't prioritise you at all. I'd dump him before Christmas what have you got to lose other than a box of chocolates?
Treat yourself to whatever you want instead.

Love51 · 20/12/2024 18:27

Cross post with others spotting the same thing.

Oodiks · 20/12/2024 18:30

Sounds like it's time to move on from a crappy relationship.

peachystormy · 20/12/2024 18:31

Dump him right in the 🗑️ and then put your feet up and enjoy Christmas

daisychain01 · 20/12/2024 18:33

I usually bristle at the usual prompt suggestions on MN - 'dump him', 'time to break up', ' you deserve better', even if people do not know if the poster actually deserves better or worse. etc.

given that we only get the extremes of ghastly men on here, I never bristle at the LTB comments, in fact it's heartening to know there are many women who aren't prepared to put up with being treated like dirt on their shoe.

I don't think you ever need to know a person to be able to say with confidence that they deserve better, because they always do deserve much, much better. Who deserves otherwise?

fetchacloth · 20/12/2024 18:33

In your shoes OP, his attitude would signal the end of the relationship for me.
I would end it now even it spoils his Christmas, it's no less than he deserves and it might teach him a lesson. It sounds like you haven't got much to lose really.

New Year resolution - find a new man that treats you properly, not like something he brought in on his shoe 💐

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